8 Signs of Emotional Unavailability

Does it seem like all your relationships
crash and burn? You could be picking out people who are emotionally unavailable. Whether you’re trying to find somebody today or you’re looking for a committed
partner, today on Reaction Reset, I’m going to give you eight warning signs that
you’re trying to date an emotionally unavailable person. Dating today is especially complex. I
mean there’s so many choices – swipe left swipe right; when you are out with
someone, you’re always thinking, “Is there something better or a better person
around the corner? Someone else will understand me more. Research has shown that the more choices you have in relationships or the more dating experience you have, you’re actually less happy in a committed relationship. So today I’m
going to try and help you identify people or choices you make of people who aren’t
emotionally able to commit. The first one: they don’t like labels or they say
they’re not good at relationships. Do not be trapped by this, okay? They’re not
being vulnerable or sweet. Don’t feel bad for them, don’t think you can change them, don’t make them a challenge. Take them at their word! Trust your gut. They’re telling you who they are! Believe it. The second warning
sign is they keep bringing up the past, particularly past partners. When someone
does this, they may be in the sense of a rebound or they’re working through
issues or feelings they had with a past partner. They’re going to actually
compare you to their past partner. This person is not ready. The third warning sign is they flirt with everyone. This one needs a lot of attention; they need to be the center of attention. This person also is showing
you that they’re not really committed, because a committed person may flirt
sometimes but they’re always going to make you feel most special. Another sign is this person has a fixation on control. So this person wants to date on
their OWN terms, at their OWN place, in their OWN time. Basically they’re gonna
put you in a box. You can identify these people rather quickly if you watch how they handle when plans don’t go as planned or things happen that are messy
or out of their control. People that are like this – where they need a lot of
control – usually will not handle it well. These people are not
going to be ready for a committed relationship because they see you as an
option – not someone they’re ready to commit to. Another sign is
self-centeredness. These people believe that the world is moving
around them. If they see their world like that – they’re talking about themselves, bragging about themselves – believe me they’re going to think you
revolve around them too. And you don’t! These people often have low
self-esteem, and they don’t feel good about themselves, but they’ll basically show you a different front. They’ll show you how successful they are;
they’ll actually tell you how good-looking they are. Be aware of
this type. A sixth sign is unreasonable anger. These people aren’t always up
front with their anger. In fact, they may appear very charming so you have to
be careful when you see them act with rage or uncontrolled anger. Don’t shrug it off or make excuses for it. This kind of a person needs help. A
seventh sign is invasiveness. These people try to go too fast. They basically
break personal boundaries. They may ask you about sex or finances way too
soon. Agood example of this is if you’re dating someone for only one or two dates, and they’re already wanting you to meet their parents. These people are trying to
validate themselves with a relationship. The last warning sign is evasiveness – not
to be confused with invasiveness. Evasive people will not divulge any information
they don’t want to tell you about their childhood, about what they did in school,
or anything else. You cannot have a healthy relationship if both partners
aren’t willing to be vulnerable. So if you run into this, this is not going to
be an emotionally available person. It’s a good rule of thumb to have solid
standards but not unrealistic expectations. Don’t overanalyze
everything your date says. It’s much better to listen to what they say and look
for recurring patterns in what they say. Always
trust your gut. Change a reaction, change your world.

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