Addiction: How to help a loved one or family member to go to rehab

Addiction: How to help a loved one or family member to go to rehab


Ok, so today’s topic for the short film
is going to be about helping a loved one. I mean, that’s a huge topic. There’s a lot of help in some places and not so much
help in other places, if we’re talking about the world, globally, and I know there’s people who watch our
videos from everywhere, so I’m addressing everyone. What’s relevant to me talking today is when
people or family members call me up to ask how to help their loved one get into treatment. That’s specifically what I’m looking at
today. As we know, it can be very painful watching
someone you care about destroying themselves with addiction, and also hurting other family members
and people close to them due to their addiction. It’s no wonder that wives, husbands, mothers,
fathers look for ways to help this person. They can try to help them and fail a number
of times, and that can be very disappointing, but of course they learn more and more about
how powerful and all-consuming addiction is. Then they start to acknowledge the monster
that they’re up against. They find Hope, they contact us. I call addiction a family illness because
it affects the whole family. It’s not necessarily that everyone in the
family has addictions, not at all, but everyone is impacted by it, and the history of an addiction
may go back into the family somehow. And for that reason, it can be very difficult
for family members and people with an emotional connection to address it. Say it’s your son and he comes home and
you say, you need to get some help. Your addiction is out of control, your drug
use, your associations, whatever. Often, the defences come up when it’s mum
and dad, and it’s hard to get through it. Or if it’s your wife or your husband, the
defences come up, I’m just having another drink, I need to relax, leave me alone. So that’s the first obstacle to get through,
who to talk to the person, how to talk to them. I always recommend that they find someone who
the addict is less likely to get into conflict with. It might be grandma, it might be grandad,
someone, a teacher, an ex-teacher. Just someone in their life like a very close
friend where they’re less likely to go for the jugular. They won’t go for the throat and say, no,
it’s your fault, you don’t understand. That’s much less likely, so they’ll hear the message
and that message is that we want to help you. So that’s the first thing. The other thing I’m going to say is that
I simply recommend that they show our website to whoever it is. Because we’re in Thailand, because the website’s
very colourful and full of information, activities, what goes on at Hope and how special it is,
that can be enough to attract them or get them to agree to speak to Natalie, or myself,
or Henk, and have that initial conversation. No strings attached, no commitment, just a
conversation with an objective person or third party. Not necessarily objective, because we want
to get them to come. We just have a chat and say, this is what
we do here, it’s a life changing experience. You don’t have to be an addict to change your life
by coming to Hope, it could improve anyone’s life. That’s how I present it, really, there’s a lot more
to it, and I’ll let Henk… I can hear him nodding. Yes, yes. What is actually quite interesting, if you
ask people who have never been to rehab, what’s your perception of rehab? They think it’s like a hospital with patients. Of course, there are clinical environments,
but if they look at our website they can see that Hope is a therapeutic environment where
people come to make positive changes in their life. That’s really interesting for someone in
addiction to realise. They might have a concept that keeps them
away from getting help and taking the decision. If they then realise that actually it’s
a supportive environment with a lot of understanding where I can make positive changes in my life, and if I’m honest with myself I’m in a position
now where I need to make positive changes in my life, it’s really helpful when people understand
what they get, and what it’s going to look like. If you look on this channel, one of these
videos is called a day in the life of rehab. You can see what we do with the exercise,
with the groups, with the community activities. It’s actually a really helpful and supportive place
and way more attractive than what they tell themselves. Also, if you’re going to speak to them, it’s really
good to have someone that is respected. If you look at videos on NVC, we’ve also
uploaded one, it’s Non-Violent Communication. With Non-Violent Communication, you can say
anything to a person depending on how you say it. Of course that’s not a 100% success rate,
but it is a really high success rate in approaching the person and getting things across. To look into those things would be really
helpful. I think that’s helpful, I like the idea. And writing a letter, if it’s difficult
to confront or speak to the person, then write a simple, short letter with the information
necessary to get them interested in coming to rehab. That’s what we’re talking about here,
how to motivate or get your family member or loved one to agree to come to rehab, that’s
often what I’m talking about on the telephone with a parent
or loved one of some description. I know that there’s been documentaries and
television series, particularly in America, made about what’s called family intervention. They’re very dramatic, there’s a huge
family there, and the family member comes in and they’re kind of jumped upon. It makes good television, but I don’t necessarily
advocate going down that road. I guess it could work in some cases, and perhaps
if you get that desperate that someone’s just not listening or taking the help being
offered, then ok, last resort. But from my experience, that’s not necessary. There are steps before that you can take that
get them to talk to us. Really that’s all they need to do. I don’t think I’ve ever failed with someone
if they’ve agreed to talk to me. We have that talk, they’re talking to someone
who’s been there as well and knows how they feel, knows what’s going on. So they can drop their defences, and they
come. So hopefully there’s some encouragement
in this little film on what to do, how to do it, when to do it. On the topic of when to do it, pick your moments
if you’re going to speak to someone. Not middle of the night, coming home, caused
a disturbance, stoned. That’s not the right moment, but when they’re
relaxed, the morning after. Or when they’re actually sounding like they’re
saying things are not going right at work, with my girlfriend, I’m depressed, I’m
anxious. That’s the moment to go in and say, listen,
we’re not surprised, and we’d like to help you. Yes, I think that covers most of it. Of course, it’s general information, and
each situation needs an individual approach. In general what we say is, try to not be too
much on top of it, but not too far away. Try to find your balance. Give them the message and pull back, let them
chew on it, and see what’s going to happen. If they have any questions, answer them. Have a look with them on the website or give
them some information that creates a bit of interest. Most of the time, it’s a bit of a process
people need to go through. Ok, rehab might be helpful, what is rehab,
looking into it, and seeing what’s needed to go to the next step. Another point I would make would be that maybe
if you deliver the information one day, or one week, it may take a few days or weeks for
that person to come to terms with the idea. Be prepared to give it a little bit of time
before the person agrees to accept some help. Thanks for watching this video. You’re probably watching this because there are things
going on at home, and each situation is different. Please feel free to contact us and have a little chat
to see what would be the right step to do next. We’re happy to help you forward in any way. Thanks for watching, and I wish you all the
best. Bye. Thank you.

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