Ask Lindsey #15: Sex Addiction & Penis Size

Ask Lindsey #15: Sex Addiction & Penis Size


I’m Lindsey Doe. This is Sexplanations where I answer your questions about sex. or some of them. [whip crack, clears throat] “What do I do? I’m 15. I want to be open with my parents about my fascination with sexuality, but they don’t understand?” It’s ok if they don’t understand. I don’t understand Nick’s fascination with horror films, but I accept it. Teaching your parents about curiosity is a form of sex education. Look at you go! Remember, though, that your students don’t have to agree with you in order to learn from you. I’d also suggest that you share with them some Sexplanations, specifically the episode on Havelock Ellis and the one where I answer questions about sexology. This question is from someone who was injured in a motorcycle crash and needed genital surgery which included new piping and stitches to his scrotum. The question is: “How do I feel comfortable enough with my own genitalia after the trauma, and comfortable enough to share it with a partner?” If you’re up for a little role play, write a letter to your genitalia, and welcome it back into your life as if you were writing a card to someone who had just got out of the hospital. Your genitals, just like the hypothetical friend, are hopefully just as precious to you as they were before the accident, and you’ll find the words you need to coach yourself through this experience in the writing. If this isn’t something that you imagine working for you, find a sexologist who can help you with other suggestions. “Is it strange for someone who identifies as gay to watch straight pornography?” No. The same goes for someone who identifies as straight watching gay porn. Any orientation, any behavior, not strange. Pornography is designed to arouse, and there are hundreds of genres attempting to do so. “Did you know that Pornhub deemed Montana #1 for anal porn searches in the country?” “What’s your opinion on sex surrogates? Are they even a thing? Better than sexologists? Worse? Equal?” Well sex surrogates are professionals who work hands-on with clients. For example: In my practice as a sexologist, I am only certified to do talk therapy. I have a no-touch practice, except high-fives. So when I talk about learning to orgasm, I can use my words and diagrams and hand puppets, but I can’t offer a kinesthethic experience. So for me surrogates are instrumental in teaching about sexuality. They can show behaviors, give immediate, accurate feedback, and facilitate really efficient improvement. I think clients who are able to work with a sexologist-surrogate team are as fortunate as patients who have both a doctor and a physical therapist. “What has been the best part of your week so far?” I met with Christopher Nagata, the artist for an event I am hosting this weekend, and he shared the final rundown of the night’s happenings. It made me so excited, because his brilliance, optimism, and creativity are so impressive. His art, by the way, is known as Nyotaimori and Nantaimori, translated as: “Sushi on a naked woman.”
“Sushi on a naked man.” Volunteer models lie very still while he decorates their already-beautiful naked bodies in already-beautiful raw fish. For more information, look in the description. “How do you define sex addiction?” The unmanageable urge to fix oneself with sex-related materials and behaviors to the degree that it negatively disrupts a person’s life. As in: “I did zero work today, because I spent eight hours at the office looking at porn.” “In another video, you said that dental dams can improve the oral sex experience for a female. Why is that?” I think you’re talking about cunnilingus, and reason is that it diffuses the sensation across the entire vulva. “My penis is 5.5 inches, how do I make it large?” It is large. Statistically you are larger than every third man you see — sometimes every other. Three ways to keep it large or to make it larger are exercise, eating well, and not smoking. Healthy blood flow into the penis creates a fuller erection. Instead of filling the cavities to five inches, It can fill them to six. “Is it normal for sensitivity to change throughout my mid- to late-twenties?” Throughout your life, everything changes. Stay curious.

100 comments

  1. Losing weight will technically make your penis longer because there's a pad of public fat or something that makes it appear shorter than it is. It's obviously going to depend how much weight you've got to lose though. If you've got quite a bit of weight to lose, it makes a bigger difference. But obviously we're talking half inch to an inch and not something ridiculous like all of those dick enhancements claim.

    But if you're looking at Porn Stars for size comparisons, you're not going to do yourself any favors. That's like looking at Yao Ming or Shaq and wishing you were taller. They aren't the day to day norm. Same with male porn stars.

  2. … How is the sexual life of a sexologist ? O.o
    Not too spoiled? Is there space for.. "freestyle" or they know exactly what they want and expect etc? lol

  3. Would you be willing to do a video about Surrogate Partner Therapy? I didn't know that was a thing until this video! 

  4. so are you saying that if i drink a lucozade before sex which makes the blood flow better you can have better sex?
    cool

  5. You mentioned smoking making your penis smaller in a way. 
    If one has been smoking for a couple of years, would it 'reverse' the effects? And if so, how long would it take, do you think?

  6. Thanks, Lindsey, for being an amazing example of someone who is excited and passionate about her work! I'm in college right now, trying to find my passion, and seeing the way you teach and share makes me really hopeful that I can find something that not only makes me feel good about myself, but helps the world in some way. I love your videos, and I'm so excited to learn more. 🙂

  7. What are the mental health implications of watching pornography regularly, if there are any?
    I've noticed that over periods of time where I've watched porn, I've become more depressed, which ceases when the porn does. I also watched Gavrieli's TEDx talk about why he quit watching porn, and I've wondered every since what porn does to the mind, both during and after. Could there be a difference between hardcore, fetish, softcore, etc?
    I've seen people say that imagination is by far better for your sex life and mental health, but I'm not quite sure where to turn to for reliable answers.

  8. Bravo! Amazing as always Lindsey. 😀 Can't wait for the sweatshirts to be done. I want one so bad. lol Great questions everyone. I learned something new. I did not know there was such a thing as sex surrogates. Neat! 

  9. Question: What are your thoughts on birth control pills like Seasonique that only give you 3 or 4 periods a year? Is there any harm to suppressing your periods like that? And will the periods that you do get be super-heavy or long?

    (If any of you commenters have taken/are taking this type of birth control, please feel free to jump in)

  10. What are the medical reasons for circumcision? What does it help and does it have any disadvantages, can it be uncomfortable?  

  11. As a woman who owns many dildos over 12 inches in length, I have to say that more than 5 inches of length don't even fit. Girth is a much more important factor when it comes to pleasure (in my personal experience).

  12. I am well aquainted with my own boner from teenhood. I started smoking in my twenties and I can assure you it had zero effect on the size or shape of said boner.

    I find it highly questionable that Dr.Doe would dare to suggest that smoking affected dick length… and feel it must be an extremely shameless and wholly unscientific bash to smokers… just for the lulz.

  13. We probably should have an episode on penile size and misconceptions eventually because I do not like that many men think "they're not big enough" when often times, they can be too big for their partner who in turn becomes somewhat terrified of phallic items and feels inadequate because they're "too small" to please their over-endowed partner.

  14. Your set changed, is this cause you met your subbable goal? Also thanks for being awesome with all your information

  15. With porn I don't care so much about the idea of people watching it in the first place (its their stuff not mine)……..but it does bother me how its made and how shady the whole industry can get, especially the younger and younger of age of people we're talking about. What are your thoughts Dr. Doe?

  16. Ahhh thank you for answering my question on sex surrogates! I'd never heard of them before I came across them, so I was wondering what your opinions were on them. Your explaination shed a lot of light on their relationship to sexologists. Thank you so much 😀

  17. You should do a talk on female genital mutilation, not the nicest of topics, but I think it's one people should know about and needs to be discussed.

  18. I have been a fan of this channel for quite a while and I have been looking for some info on premature ejaculation. I don't remember if Lindsey has said anything about it. Could somebody remind me if there is an episode that talks about it? If there is nothing Lindsey could you please explain how this happens and how it can be improved so somebody can have a more fulfilling sex life?

  19. Is it normal to feel arousal when thinking about certain non-sexual activities or objects but not to feel aroused in explicitly sexual situations?

  20. What are some pros, cons, and potential risks of (sexual or romantic) relationships between people with a large age gap (10+ years)

  21. Dr. Doe, can you tell us more about the poster on the wall behind you? I think I know what it is, but I bet many people do not. Maybe do an entire video about it…

  22. Hi Lindsey,
    I am wondering about speaking to young people about assault and rape. It's a scary subject but could happen at any age, so how do you teach children what to do, who to call and where to go?
    This came up when I was reading about this big Jian Gomeshi controversy and thinking about how important it can be to report assault immediately but there are also so many stories about nurses and cops not taking these claims seriously and not taking in evidence properly.
    Big, serious questions that are so difficult for adults and we have to explain them to kids.
    WHAT DO?

  23. Do you have any information about androgyny? Like being androgynous and being attracted to androgynous people. Does that have a name?

  24. Dear Dr. Doe,
    Thank you for answering my question re: motorcycle accident, your advice has been helpful in helping me to come to terms with the accident and the injuries I have suffered/am suffering. I just want to say a biiig thank you to you and your team for taking the time to help educate people on sex, orientation and on the wide spectrum these have. keep up the good work and stay curious 🙂 .  

  25. What is that poster behind you?  Is that the map of sexual fetishes, the one that tries to categorize and link hundreds of fetishes in a single map?  If so, is there something you can think of that isn't on it?

  26. While in a talk about morality, two questions came in:
    Is there a female term for pederasty?
    Why is sex with minors (even with consent) is considered as rape in many countries?
     Is it solely because it tries to be a taboo?

  27. Is there a word for people who are homophobic toward gay men but okay with lesbianism? My parents have this problem and I have a hard time talking about this with them because they're just stubborn.

  28. After being together for a year, I'm beginning to worry that my boyfriend and I aren't sexually compatible. I love him very much and can't imagine life without him, but it worries me that we won't ever have the sex life that we both really want/need. What do I do? =S

  29. Can a regular consumption of pornography lead to erectile dysfunction? (In the ways people refer it to desensitization?) 

  30. Could you answer how to put a condom on a uncut or non-circumcised penis, because I have see heard differing ways to do it and I would like some clarity.

  31. @sexplanations , I guess this is the best video to ask this question of you.
    I know most men want a larger penis. My issue is different: my current partner, whom I love deeply, has recently told me that my girth is such that her vagina is sore after pretty much every session. We have tried foreplay, lubrication, and different positions, but nothing seems to reliably work. 
    Personally, I believe it may be due to my odd shape (oval, with the horizontal longer than the vertical), but I have no real evidence for this.
    I guess my main question is this: Is there anything I can do to decrease my girth or "reshape" my penis? I tried googling this question, and 99% of the answers were along the line of "psssh, why would you want to do that? Idiot." I do not have medical insurance of any sort ( foolishly did not sign up on time), nor do I have the money to go see a doctor, so I can't ask a medical professional in person. 
    I know it's silly to hope that youtubers will respect this request, but please, don't bother responding if the above quote is all you have to contribute. Thank you.

  32. I had a small penis problem. This herbal product has been suggested me to use.  Incredible. Gained 1,5 inches so far. Prolargentsize capsule is a miracle. It made my life. I enjoy my sex life. I will be a repeat costumer of Prolargentsize

  33. I had a small penis problem. This herbal product has been suggested me to use.  Incredible. Gained 1,5 inches so far. Prolargentsize capsule is a miracle. It made my life. I enjoy my sex life. I will be a repeat costumer of Prolargentsize

  34. The guy with 5.5 inches is likely indicative of the majority male bodied people who contact you but what would you say to someone diagnosed with micropenis or diabetic circulatory damage? People who really do objectively have small penis issues that are medically verified.

  35. woa that whole thing about eating well making my dick bigger just blew my mind. I really love the last thing you said, throughout your life everything changes.

  36. Is it bad to not have circumcised penis? Most of the Americans do, and I feel strange not to have one, since I'm an immigrant

  37. Dear doctor doe, I very badly need advice and don't have anywhere I feel comfortable turning. Could you please help me? I desperately need help!!!

  38. Sex surrogates…For those who want a Hollywood version of a who and how, watch a movie called “The Sessions” starring Helen Hunt. Hunt plays a professional surrogate out of Berkeley (don’t quote me on the school), works with a handicapped man who spends a large portion of his life in an iron lung, and wishes to have sex before he passes. I believe it’s based on a true story.

  39. A lot of women love scars. Some of us are facinated by them. We like to trace them with our fingers. Someone who cares about you isn't going to flip out about scars, even those types. For me, I care more about the experience. Also, of you're with a chick, she'll probably be too busy worrying about her own issues, scars, freckles, stretch marks, etc.

  40. I'm just now discovering these videos and am rapidly catching up. I don't comment on many of them, but I wanted to say, "High five!" for Teddy Ruxpin!

  41. Sex Surrogates are a nice way of saying prostitutes. To be clear I support the job and in no way Want to put them down. A apple is a apple not a red tree potatoes.

  42. can you please make a detailed video on jelqing. The science behind how it works, its long term effects and if its permanent or temporary! I wanna spice things up in my 5 year marriage!!

  43. Her delivery and the way she talks about things is awesome, I'm not a parent but if I were and my children were asking questions about certain things I would sit down with them and show them some of her videos

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