Black and White Thinking / Splitting (Symptoms and Signs of Borderline Personality Disorder BPD)

Black and White Thinking / Splitting (Symptoms and Signs of Borderline Personality Disorder BPD)

one of the key signs and symptoms of
borderline personality disorder is black and white thinking which is also known
as splitting so in this video we’re going to talk about exactly what that is
as well as what you can do to overcome it so stay tuned what is up everybody
this is chris from the rewired soul where we talk about the problem but
focus on the solution and we are back with another video about borderline
personality disorder one of the key symptoms is black and white thinking
some people call us splitting do me a favor and share this video okay I cannot
stress enough that black and white thinking is something that people with
BPD struggle with but this is like a human problem just to a lesser extent
alright and we really need to talk about it and really wrap our minds around it
because it’ll help improve the mental health of a ton of people even if they
don’t struggle with BPD so the first question is what is black and white
thinking or splitting so I mentioned it in my last video about my personal
experience with symptoms of borderline personality disorder basically it is
your view of a person and they they’re almost like they’re two different people
to you okay there’s a good version of them and the bad version of them there’s
no gray area it’s not this person is having a rough day or this person’s in a
bad mood is this person is bad they’re evil they don’t love me they don’t care
about me you automatically just put them into that filing cabinet I heard
somebody say that having BPD is almost like emotional amnesia right we we
forget we forget all the good qualities of somebody especially because the
emotions are so dysregulated and all over the place right and that’s why it
can put a strain on so many relationships and different aspects of
life like relationships with your friends your family your boyfriend and
girlfriend or husband or wife or your children because when they do something
that you don’t like or it gives you a fear right they automatically go into
this category I think next thing you know you’re fighting or you’re leaving
or you’re quitting and all other things so black-and-white thinking
can really really make your life unmanageable and this is something that
I personally struggled with for a very very long time
and right before making this video I was thinking about man these these things
still come up but they were much more manageable so in this video I’m gonna
teach you a very simple practice that I personally use that really helps me step
outside of the black-and-white thinking which is very important because like I
mentioned before like I had this really bad problem with just destroying
relationships with friends and girlfriends and jobs because when I’m
stuck in that mode of this person is just all bad then I make really rash
decisions and impulsive decisions I will break up with somebody I will leave a
job I will quit talking to my friend for months at a time I will quit talking to
family members for months at a time and it’s all because of my thought process
and how things work so this practice really really helps me figure out what’s
going on so before I jump in this practice here’s the way this issue was
explained to me our brands have this problem separating the truth from the
false so in this practice what we’re going to do is we’re going to separate
the truth from the false so the truth is the reality of the situation the false
is basically what our crazy brain is telling us based on fears so a lot of
black-and-white thinking is based on fears fear of abandonment fear of being
disrespected fear of being lied to all these things right so what we’re trying
to do is take a step back and logically look at this and say ok here’s the truth
of the matter and here’s my imagined situation which I have no foundation of
proof ok so that’s what we’re going to do with this practice all right so let’s
go ahead and open up this WordPad document if you would like you can grab
a journal or whatever it is like in this video I’m gonna explain it but if you
want to come back to this video and do this practice come on back so let’s
start with my mom okay parents are something we always we have
a lot of issues with if you’re struggling with black and white thinking
relationships with your parents can be tough right so for me personally I’m
pulling from personal experiences like you should not be self-supporting I
always needed help I was asking to borrow money and like all sorts of stuff
for help and she wouldn’t give it to me so what we’re trying to do is separate
the truth from the false so what are true statements about my mom and what
are the false statements about my mom what are the lies that my brain is
telling me all right so truth what’s the truth about the situation so how do I
know that time and time and time again my mom if you watched my mother’s day
video – my mom I explained that my mom has dropped everything to come be with
me my life my mom has come from California to Las Vegas just left work
left everything and said I gotta go be with my son Wow my mom does love me
right so when my brain is saying all these other things so like we get into
this like kind of never mode right when we are emotionally and raised right we
get into this mode were like you never helped me you never say anything nice to
me you never care about like all this stuff and these are lives that our brain
is telling us and then we spit it out like word vomit look at this I’m like oh
wow like she has helped me in the past she has done things for me so what are
the false statements right so these are the lies that my brain is telling me and
a lot of these are based on fears an old mentor of mine when I was working on my
mental health he said Chris it’s a lot easier for you to fix you than it is to
fix the rest of the world I’m like what are you talking about but this is what
showed me like it’s not necessarily what you are doing to me it’s the way that my
brain process things and what I can identify that fact
now I can start cutting the people in my life a little bit of a break and I will
do other videos on relationships and boundaries and stuff like that but we
need to be able to sit back and say is this rational or is this like an
imagined fear so a lot of these false statements are gonna be based on fear so
my mom doesn’t love me my mom doesn’t care about me my mom doesn’t want to
help me here’s a good one my mom loves my sister more than me these are the
lies that my brain tells me just because my mom isn’t helping me out right now so
let’s move on to another very real scenario for people who struggle with
black and white thinking having a relationship is very very difficult I
know in the past like if my girlfriend was busy or didn’t want to hang out or
even didn’t return my text messages I would lose my mind
and people BBD have very difficult relationships because it goes from these
extremes of clinging I want to spend all my time with you in one moment and then
the next one it’s like we’re breaking up I never want to see you again you’re the
worst thing that ever happened to me all these other things and a lot of those
are based on fears to which we’ll get to in a second so let’s say my girlfriend
hasn’t texted me back all day or she doesn’t want to hang out right so what’s
the truth about this situation all right my gf loves me how do I know that she’s
she’s told me okay my gf loves spending time with me how do
I know that because when we hang out she smiles and laughs and you know she has
offered to hang out with me my GF wants to be with me she’s told me
before you know what I’m saying now what are some of the lies that my brain tells
me about this situation my Jeff doesn’t love me Jeff is going to
leave me my GF is cheating on me like when I am able to sit down and write
this stuff out which is why I encourage all of you to do this whether on a
computer or in a notebook or whatever it’s like what I did this I’m like I am
a crazy person but I am getting so angry about these things that have had no
factual proof about yet I am losing my mind so lastly let’s talk about work and
employment okay so I’m somebody who has been fired a dozen times in the past
right back in my picture I was constantly getting fired and like I have
also worked for some very bad employers so let’s say I go into work and maybe my
boss sent me an email critiquing my work or he said something to me all these
things and I saw going into this panic attack alright with all these fears
circling around me and it’s important to get this under control because I can be
very impulsive I could say oh screw this I’m out of here yell at him scream at
him you know whatever it is and I’ll leave based on this impulsive decision
based on these emotions which are often based on lives my brain is telling me
and then I quit I walk out next thing you know I’m like oh my god how am I
gonna pay my bills how am I gonna feed my son how am I gonna feed myself so
it’s important to do this exercise with employers – so a lot of this – was based
on my own insecurities and this still happens to me time and time again every
time my boss is calling me or ask to see me right I get like this like little
mini panic attack right so like let’s start writing down the truth okay the
truth my boss likes me how do I know that the
dude hired me right I’m a good employee I’m a hard worker how do I know these
things they’ve told me this right I show up on time I follow through with
commitments so like this is important too because when I’m in that moment when
those moments of fear like hey I might quit just because I have a tendency to
I’m gonna leave you before you can leave me and that can happen at work right so
what’s false you know what I’m saying my boss is going to fire me you know ii
like my boss like has me do all these things and extra assignments it always
comes to me for help and advice and all sorts of stuff like what is wrong with my job I love my job I love what I do
you know what I’m saying so anyways anyways this is such an easy
practice you could do it anywhere you could do it at home you could do it at
work like just take a second take a break go out to lunch go out to coffee
and write this stuff down and start separating the truth from the false that
will help to get you out of that black and white thinking because you start to
understand that that narrator in your head is not always telling you the truth
okay and it’s important to identify our fears because we don’t we identify our
fears we start to understand that the rest of the world isn’t always the
problem a lot of it is based on our own internal issues you know what I’m saying
so anyways again please share this video if you think somebody gets stuck in
black and white thinking if somebody goes from loving you to hating you you
know this can help them out alright and I hope you practice it as well
okay but anyways stay tuned because I have a bunch more BPD videos coming out
this week all right and let me know down in the comments
what you think about this exercise is it easy enough for you to do okay but
anyways if you liked this video please give it a thumbs up if you are new here
I’m always making videos to help you out with your mental and emotional
well-being click that little round subscribe button and if you want check
out some other videos on the show you can click or tap right there okay thank
you again so so much for watching get out of black and white thinking and I’ll
see you next time


  1. What's your experience with black and white thinking?
    If you're looking to recover from BPD, try BetterHelp online therapy:

  2. Great video, I used to do this with my family/ friends and relationships, sometimes myself. I started meditating in January I now recognise when this thinking is happening, and have the habit of rationalising that thinking.

  3. Thanks I feel like you're my personal counselor you helped me with my alcoholism and now my bpd!!! I appreciate your channel.

  4. But I think this excercise can be done afterwards… But when a person is in the mode of BPD it is hard to recognize false from truth.

  5. Wow! What an eye opening video. Every time I watch one of your videos they always resonate with me, be it about myself or a family member or friend. This one is totally me! This is exactly how I go about thinking everyday in all of my relationships and I never even realized it until this video. Holy crapolla seriously 😱 I can't wait to do this exercise and start to make some amends. I never noticed how much I constantly think this way. Including with my mother, boss, and ex husband. I am completely floored by this and I would have never recognized it if not for this post. I love that you are focusing on and giving attention to one topic a week. I've known I've had mental health issues for years, but was too embarrassed to seek help. I learn something new from your videos everyday. I know your purpose is to help others struggling and you've helped me more in just the past couple of months that I have been subscribed to your channel since I found it. Thank you so much for your service Chris 🙏🏻it means more than you know 😊 keep up the awesome work you do!!

  6. Thank you so much for your videos! I have not been diagnosed with BPD, but I relate to this way too much. I can't keep a steady job because of impulse and my fears of everyone, especially my bosses hating me and my work. My relationships with others tend to suck, especially romantic ones because I can never really trust them and I always think they might be cheating on me. I will try this out and am looking forward to the help this will provide me! Again, thank you for your wonderful videos!

  7. I went to the psychiatrist and he told me I had a duel personality . When it came to paying his $200 bill, I gave him $100 bucks and said get the other 100 from the other guy 😏

  8. Awesome and informative and I will certainly practice! I’m curious to know how you shift out of intense emotion to sit down and write these things out? 😆

  9. Yes.. no gray areas.. that's always been my biggest problem. Everything is effing extreme. It's been hard to get out of that mindset..

  10. I hate myself for cutting family off completely for months and months on end. I thought I was a terrible person and that there was something wrong with me. Thank you, I’m so happy I found your channel. Perfect timing.

  11. Your videos have helped me out so much this week i listen to all your videos about mental health and work 8 hour shifts at night and this video has helped me the most it helps alot more knowing whats wrong with you and knowing what to call it. I didnt even know that my mindset was stuck on black and white thinking like severely

  12. DAMN the black and white thing is so damn true – we don't see no fuckn GREY! We love or we hate- no middle, we know no middle……fuck this I hate what it has done to me…….

  13. I've been told I do this and it's true I do, but how do I ever get over it? How do you know what's actually right? Am I overreacting or am I not reacting enough? Every conflict I ever get involved in, its always me who ends up being in the wrong according to people I try and confide in. So how are you ever right?
    I've gotten to the point where I feel like a bitch for coming to any conclusion because I'm always wrong. I don't know what to do, maybe I need help, asking on the internet feels very stupid all of a sudden but I'm going to hit send anyway.

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