Cab Baby, Epstein Update, Instagram Addiction Bill & Racist Reagan Recording | The Daily Show

Cab Baby, Epstein Update, Instagram Addiction Bill & Racist Reagan Recording | The Daily Show


Let’s kick it off
with something fun. Cab drivers in New York
are used to seeing some crazy things happen
in their backseats, but this next story is easily
at the top of the list. REPORTER: A livery cab driver
in Brooklyn could moonlight as a midwife
after helping a couple welcome their baby girl
into the world right there in his car. REPORTER 2: Luis Leonardo
couldn’t predict the drama that unfolded in his backseat. Picked up two
and dropped off three. Simple as that.
(chuckles) Cameras were recording,
as they always do, when he picked up a couple
earlier this month in Bushwick, the woman in labor. (shouting) And with the baby breathing, the couple wrapped her
in a blanket, and Luis kept on driving. “Damn!” (laughs) You do realize that was
the first word that baby heard. “Damn!” And I hope the parents give
that guy five stars, because I’m just happy
when my driver offers me, like, a mint and a phone charger. This guy was cutting
umbilical cords. And even though this might
not have been the ideal plan for these parents,
you have to admit, after being born in a cab, that kid can handle anything
in life, unlike those other babies
that are born in, like, a bathtub while Enya
is playing in the background. Just come out like,
“Wah, I’m allergic to gluten. Wah.” This is a real baby. The only thing that taxi baby’s
gonna be allergic to is people
who drive (bleep) slow! “I’m crawlin’ over here! What’s wrong with–
What are you, a baby?!” (cheering and applause) But let’s move on. Because if you think
a baby being born in a backseat is the weirdest procreation
story you’ll hear all week, you might want to think again. There’s been some new
and disturbing reporting this morning on accused
sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, first from The New York Times, that he believed
he could improve the population of the world by seeding
the human race with his DNA. REPORTER: Epstein owns a
sprawling ranch in New Mexico. According to a new report, he wanted to use the ranch
for controlled breeding, using his DNA
to improve humanity. The article reports
Epstein surrounded himself with leading scientists
and would tell them he wanted to have
20 women impregnated at a time on the ranch. Okay, first off, Jeffrey Epstein’s sperm ranch
is by far the worst flavor of salad
dressing I’ve ever heard of. And, secondly, why is it that the people
who want to spread their DNA are always the last people who
should be spreading their DNA? (applause) Always. (cheering and applause) Because… because nobody… nobody’s ever l–
ever looked at Jeffrey Epstein and been like, “Yeah, we need
20 million more of this guy. That’s what we…” Yeah. Like, how come Idris Elba
doesn’t have a sex ranch, huh? -(cheering)
-Yeah. I’d go. I’d go. Yeah. And don’t say,
“Oh, Trevor, Idris Elba can’t get
a man pregnant.” Well, I’m willing to find out. In other news, if I was
to ask you in the audience, “What’s the biggest problem
you think the American government
should solve right now?,” what would you say? Anyone? -(audience shouting suggestions)
-Climate? Health care? Trump? Ah, well, you’re all wrong. But if you said “Instagram,” then the Senate has got
your back. A new Senate bill may ultimately
affect how much you spend when it comes
to time on social media. It’s called “the Social Media Addiction Reduction
Technology Act,” or “SMART Act” for short. As the name suggests,
it is being introduced to fight
social media addiction. To do this, the bill will
crack down on practices used by social network sites
to keep you online longer. And that includes features
like infinite scroll for news feeds
and auto play for videos. That’s right. A Republican
senator is proposing a new law to try and curb
social media addiction. And you have to admit that
it is becoming a real problem. Social media is messing
with our brains. Like yesterday, my buddy told me
something that I liked, and I just tapped her twice
on the forehead. It’s a problem. (laughter) Now, the senator’s bill
has suggested a few things, like limits for apps, you know, like how much time
you can spend on them, which is fine,
but I’ve got a few suggestions that I think would be
way more effective. Like, I was thinking,
how about for every half hour you spend scrolling online, your phone automatically
tweets out a picture of what you look like while you’re spending
all that time scrolling. That’s what that should be. -(laughter, applause, cheering)
-Huh? Or here’s another thing. If you want
to get people off Instagram, we’ll make a new feature
where we say, every seventh picture on your
feed has to be a seminude photo -of both of your parents. Yeah.
-(audience groaning) Ah! Yeah, you see, you’re
logging off already. Yeah. And I know what you’re thinking.
You’re like, “I don’t have any seminude
photos of my parents.” Well, I do.
I’ll send them to you. (laughter, groaning) And finally, in other news, here’s one pretty big story
that got buried because of the presidential
Democratic debates. And it’s a story
about an American president who is racist. And, no, it’s not the one
you’re thinking of. Some surprising audio recordings
have surfaced of a phone conversation
nearly a half century ago between President Richard Nixon and future president
Ronald Reagan. WOMAN 2: President Richard Nixon
recorded himself talking to then California
governor Ronald Reagan in October, 1971, the day
after the United Nations voted to recognize
the People’s Republic of China. Reagan had phoned Nixon
at the White House to vent his frustration at African delegates
who celebrated the vote. (laughing on recording) WOMAN 2: The Ronald Reagan
Presidential Foundation said, “If he said that 50 years ago,
he shouldn’t have, and he would be
the first person to apologize.” He would be
the first person to…? He should be the only person
to apologize. What does that mean? It would
be weird if we was like, “Well, I’ll apologize, but only if those monkeys
apologize first.” What a strange thing to say. Also they’re like, “If he said.”
There’s a recording! He said the thing! So now that that recording
has come out, Ronald Reagan will have
to be canceled, which is gonna be hard,
because life canceled him first. You know? Oh, it takes a lot
of work to cancel a dead person. You got to hold a séance, summon
their spirit back from the dead. Be like, “Ronald Reagan,
we have called you back to tell you ‘Bye, Felicia.'” (laughter) So now, because of
these newly-released tapes, Ronald Reagan officially
has a racist asterisk next to his name,
as do many former presidents. Woodrow Wilson
was a segregationist. Andrew Jackson wiped out
Native Americans. Thomas Jefferson had sex
with his slaves. And George H.W. Bush shot Tupac. Yeah, I said it.
Prove me wrong. (laughter) So, on the one hand,
it is disturbing that America has a history
of racist presidents, but look on the bright side.
It also means that Donald Trump is more
presidential than we thought.

100 comments

  1. Wow, one of the dumbest attacks on eugenics I've ever heard: Epstein is someone who shouldn't spread his sperm, while others should. Noah is literally attacking Epstein's eugenics fantasy from the standpoint of a superior eugenics.

  2. if you want to get people to stop using the internet so much how about you make the world around them more appealing instead of making it more fucked up

  3. "Hey! Kid? Punk?! Can't yous see I'm cräwlin' ovuh he'e?!? 🤨 😤🤬. Beat it, kid, yer botherin me with yer cock-blockin moves. Beep beeeeeep! 😑😐😑…🤨…

    🧐😤🤬!! 🚧🛣

  4. A "like": tapping a friend twice on the forehead. 🤭…

    🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

  5. my vpn blocks me from thsi video even though im fro the us and my vpn is set to us… talk about privacy you pay for lmao.

  6. The further back you look at history, the easier it is to excuse stupidity. That¨s how learning works. It is much worse for Trump to be a racist president than it was for Reagan to be one. And Reagan at least knew to keep his racism private.

  7. I mean Apartheid lasted longer than neccessary because of Reagan. Why is America surprised by racist Reagan. Come On!!

  8. One of Reagan's main platforms when running for governor of California was opposing the states equal housing act. Yep, he was a known racist who ran on it.

  9. America was founded on racism in the first place and will always be a racist state. So why is this thing from RR a news when there is already a president in office at this moment who is notoriously and openly fascist?

  10. Tell me what you think of what Reagan said 13 years before you were born Trevor. Tell me how he owes everyone an apology for what he said before you entered the world… around the same time
    Maki Skosana's televised murder by necklacing was being applauded by Winnie Mandela while her hisband sat in jail for starting the organization whose terrorist actions killed 130 people.

  11. i'm actually sort of keen for that bill to pass? there's a lot of seriously sinister practices media conglomerates use to keep people tapping, scrolling, and clicking indefinitely. facebook & facebook apps are the most obvious given how every update seems to change how far down on yoir feed it'll take before you find your cousin's wedding photos/your friend's latest status on their marathon of Buffy The Vampire Slayer/etc.

    a lot of fb apps look like they use casino-based practices to encourage time spent in apps – and there are a HELL of a lot of apps that ARE a virtual recreation of a casino. it's easy to recreate a gambling addiction through facebook &, even if you aren't technically spending IRL cash on virtual casinos, you ARE being encouraged to wait around for "one more spin", "one more bonus", "one more collectible"… how many complete strangers have you or someone you know befriended JUST to advance further or quicker in an fb app?

    how many times have you gotten friend requests from complete strangers for the same? how well do you secure your private information to be specifically concealed from your game-only acquaintances versus your actual family&friends? a poorly secured account is a liability to every account it is connected to, no matter how well an account linked to it may be secured, and while most game-acquaintances are as game-focused and addicted as another it doesn't mean they don't have someone with less innocent intentions who will happily hop around "mutuals" or "friends of a friend" accounts for hacking purposes. heck, hacking isn't even REQUIRED most of the time because fb updates happen so often people get lax about resecuring their accounts & checking their loved ones do the same.

    i know there are more immediate concerns – healthcare, corruption, prisons not actually being interested in rehabilitation, opiods, lack of routes to legal immigration… but those are all so politically divisive within the current state of American government for ANYTHING to get done. fb addiction is particularly dangerous to the less net-savvy & those persons are also the most same demographic most vulnerable to phone, email, & clickbait scams.

  12. Reagan, the guy that became the figurehead for neoliberalism was always a symbol of hate. It being against ethnical groups makes a change from attacking others based on their wealth.

  13. "Seeding with his DNA", so that the future would be assured to be baby-rapers. Putting the EEWWWW! in Eugenics.
    Facebook Addiction Reduction Treatment of Zuckerberg -FARTZ prevention is essential.
    Tweeting Excess in Republican Presidents, the TWERP Act, is vital to protect society.
    Evil Villiany In Lying – Suppression of Presidential Assault on Women Now must be enacted to shut the moron up.
    Support the EVIL-SPAWN act to create life sentence felony for the Saudi/Russian agent infesting 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

  14. Damned Republicans always whine about small government up until they decide to stick their nose in your social media habits.

  15. Been saying it for years. Donald trump is no major exception as a president. He is merely America unmasked.

  16. Ironic that the US government wants to limit social media use BUT refuses to pass laws that can effectively curb mass shootings. Why? It's because social media platforms deliver news 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. So in other words, the US government wants to limit social media use to greatly decrease news reports of mass shootings while mass shootings greatly increase.

  17. I always laugh at the retards saying: "But GuUuUnS don't KiiiiiL PEoPle, PEople KillLL PeOpLE!"

    – Bitch that's right, but you sure make it fucking easy for a psychopath to kill other people. Which makes your dumb ass complicit.

  18. Event of the day: Looking at a woman giving birth in your car.
    How about: Giving birth in a car, while driver looks at you.

  19. So U.S considers a leader of the world cant pass gun control, healthcare for call, a legit President, etc but they gonna pass about time spend on tech????? The GOP prob all on something. 😤 Please spend more time on valuable topics

  20. so since way back americans hating on china and blaming africans for supporting them..
    is that why africa has seen more exchange of technology from china in last 20yrs than whites in last 200yrs?
    news flash mofos, china despite what they are or what u will be town crying are the new pimp.
    keep up with your 'trade wars', world is tired of you lot

  21. How could that CBS anchorwoman say it’s “surprising” that Ronald Reagan made crude racist remarks? Is she too young to remember Reagan? He said crap like that all the time, including in his public speeches.

  22. Wanna see racism? Where genocide and slavery are still alive and well based on the 'shade' of black of one's skin? Go to Africa. Check out the motive for killing a million Tutsis in Rwanda. Check out the slave market of arab slave traders of sub saharan Africans. Check out the ORIGIN of slavery (who built the pyramids – Norwegian slaves??) WHO sold WHOM into slavery? Held them in cages, marched them in chains onto ships for shipment to European 'markets'?///President O'bama, standing at the Door of No Return should have turned around and looked behind him when he cast an accusing finger toward the open sea, to identify the SELLERS of his people. HMMMMMMM?????

  23. The Thing is: even if mental illness would be the reason for mass shootings, you cant really stop mental illness because there are numerous reasons for becoming mentally ill. The thing you can do is to take away the tools someone uses to kill people to stop them from doing something they do because of their illness.

  24. I'm European and I knew the states were very racist back in the 60s… I mean you guys had separated classrooms and shit… didn't you see The Help??

  25. I mean most of our presidents have been racist so I don't know why this is a big deal. Even President Lyndon Johnson, a man who many still praise as a civil rights icon, was a known racist. And besides, Reagan was born in 1911 so it wasn't uncommon for people in his generation to be predjudiced against blacks. I don't really judge Presidents based on the fact that they were racist, homophobic, etc., as most where but I instead judge them based on the policies of their presidency. For real tho, we have serious problems facing our American citizens like the opioid crises, the high cost of medicine (including insulin), constant shootings (especially in Chicago), and the homeless epidemic (especially in L A) that we don't have time to listen to some mediocre comedian give moral lectures to dead Presidents.

  26. The scariest thing is… how many people LIKE Epstein have done mass impregnations without the women knowing who the biological father was?

  27. Can that new legislation be adopted for one particular Twitter user? Trump… and it gives Trump a signal that he's been on the app too long by automatically flushing the toilet under him?

  28. How do people know america is racist when there is no other country to compare with. So you meed 30 million blacks living in China and see how racist america is.

  29. Where do you draw the line? Listening to music on auto play? how is that bad If they do this im leaving the country that is ridiculous

  30. I don't know much about the Reagan Administration because I was born after his term was up but what I've learned over the years disturbs me, the harsh prison sentences for minor offenses mostly drugs, I read of one man who was sentenced to 25 years for a small amount of marijuana but Reagan's lauded for being such a wonderful president but I think history will tell a different story.

  31. Ronald Reagan and nixon nothing but corrupt politicians who further proves how bs all of our previous really are.

  32. Muhammad Ali didn't know.
    https://www.newsmax.com/newsfront/muhammad-ali-reagan-repubicans/2016/06/04/id/732336/

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