DEA Recruits Lil Wayne To Use Up All Drugs In Mexico

DEA Recruits Lil Wayne To Use Up All Drugs In Mexico


And finally some good news on the ongoing
drug trafficking crisis along the Mexican boarder. Today in testimony before the
House Committee on the Judiciary, the DEA revealed it has achieved remarkable
success with its latest initiative sending rapper Lil Wayne to Mexico
to use up all the drugs. Immediately upon deployment, Lil Wayne
locates all the narcotics in the area, and depletes the supply within hours. Operation Weezy F. Baby
has been an unparalleled success. Lil Wayne has already gotten
a 40 tons of marijuana, 27,000 kilos of cocaine,
and 2,000 kilos of heroine off the streets and into his body. Mexican official say they expect Lil Wayne to completely wipe out the nation’s
drug problem by the end of next month. He is the weapon Drug Enforcement Agencies
have been searching for: a living vacuum cleaner of drugs. I personally watched him snort
a pile of cocaine as tall as a man. This operation is expected
to cost over $2 billion for pipes, lighters, rolling papers and
replacement diamonds for Lil Wayne’s teeth. DEA officials said video field reports
from Lil Wayne show he is continuing to take in huge amounts of drugs
on an hourly basis. It did take off my mother fucking pinky ring
and my Bently, my bright light, drive by while I say, sparkling under bright light. Lil Wayne’s drug stopping capabilities
are in his own words, “Rare, like Mr. Clean with hair”. Mexican officials have already commissioned
a mural in Mexico City as a gesture of thanks to Lil Wayne
and all he’s done for the nation. This is the most wide spread
government use of a celebrity since the 2004
Republican National Convention when Christina Aguilera was shot into
crowds of protesters to disperse them. Coming up next, the White House has
announced the President is in the mood for a parade. Still ahead this hour: Yamaha donates 2,000
Waverunners to bored flood victims.

100 comments

  1. Just so you all know, from what I could hear, that Mexican press conference was about communications tech in the new digital age. So funny though.

  2. Vacuum cleaner?? Can he suck up all the dust in my carpet? Would really appreciate it. ๐Ÿ˜’๐Ÿ˜’๐Ÿ˜’

  3. FYI lil Wayne did indeed say โ€œIโ€™m rare like mr clean with hair.โ€ on the track Phone Home

  4. Hold the hell up 1:41 literally just predicted something years into the future when Trump has already put together something just like that

  5. This reminds me of the Consumption Corp of the 1970s, where volunteers were given large amounts of money and sent to third world countries where everything is cheap. Their mission: spend it all. Epic amounts of food, alcohol, drugs, and prostitutes were consumed by these brave men and women in order to boost the local economies. Sadly, some did not survive the missions. But those who did describe it as: "wow, it was really great. Little fuzzy on the details, but I know we had fun."

  6. Just want to point out the amount of attention to detail that The Onion put into this piece, because Canal 5 is actually a real channel in Mexico, as well as one of the most important ones

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