This is from Chapter five De-escalating
the Defiant Child. Today is a special day for Charlie; it is his ninth birthday. He didn’t know when he started cheating on his diet, but it was about a year ago
around his eighth birthday. In late summer or early fall, his father took Charlie
aside and said that his parents were getting a divorce.
He thought it must have been around mid-October based on when the divorce papers were signed. Charlie’s dad said, “I will be getting an apartment near the house and we will get to see each other on weekends. It’ll be great! You’ll see.
He told Charlie that he would be staying with his mom. He said that he loved Charlie and that it had nothing to do with him, but Charlie knew better. He knew that they were lying. It had everything to do with Charlie.
His father was leaving, and it was his fault. Maybe if he had done something
different, then his dad wouldn’t be leaving. Charlie thought that if his
parents didn’t need to spend all their time dealing with his diabetes, then his
father wouldn’t be abandoning him. He wasn’t upset about his parents getting a
divorce. He was more terrified of being left alone with his mom. Charlie’s
mom was very strict, while dad was the fun parent; he definitely wanted to go
with his father. His dad’s departure caused him to feel abandoned, which
inevitably led to Charlie cheating on his diet. so now I’m gonna read a little bit about
what he was feeling Charlie blamed both of his parents for
not protecting him. He was angry with them, diabetes and himself. “Why can’t I be like the other children? It’s unfair!” Charlie would say this to himself at his friend’s birthday parties, when the ice cream truck was on his block, and any other
event where he was not able to eat what other children were having. Living with
diabetes made Charlie feel isolated and different from the other children.
Throughout his childhood he struggled with feelings of isolation. He just
wanted to fit in. According to Charlie, his mom recalls that he used to avoid
playing with other children after being diagnosed with diabetes. His mother also
remembered how she didn’t worry much about him because he acted more
mature than the other children his age. This is actually a common mistake that
a lot of parents make when their children seemed to accept the diabetes at a
really young age. So now little from the parental advice. Charlie’s mother never
found out about his cheating until Charlie told her when he was 36 years
old. His mother was surprised to find out. His dad, however, knew about it but felt
that if he had approached Charlie, it would create conflict and caught
Charlie to push himself further away from him, leading to even more cheating.
Both his mother’s denial and his father’s fear of abandonment cause
Charlie to feel that his parents didn’t care that he was all alone with his
diabetes. So the question is; what is the best way to address cheating. Punishment
won’t work because your child is covering his or her feelings up with
candy so further stress and anger will only drive them further towards the
candy Punishment includes talking down to your child, yelling, cursing, hitting or spanking them or taking away anything the child values.
Luckily, a combination of various techniques will help your child reduce
their cheating. So that was a bit from the parental section. For more
information on this, buy my book Parenting Children with Diabetes. It’s
filled with lots of facts and ways to help you work with your children to
improve their management and your relationship with them thank you for
listening and I hope you enjoyed my reading today