EX-ADDICT à la Masturbation & au P*rno: Mon Histoire

EX-ADDICT à la Masturbation & au P*rno: Mon Histoire


Hi everybody Hope you’re doing great ! Last summer I made several videos about the effects I experienced during my first months of nofap I wanted to know what was interesting for you to watch At that time you told me you wanted me to do a video about my story with p*rn & fap addictions But because I just started my journey I didn’t want to because it was way too early for me to have a critical eye on this matter. I was talking with a friend on Instagram I realized I was now ready to talk about it. I grew up in a rather reserved family which mant we didn’t talk about any 18+ subjects (?) nor intimate ones. We know people do their things but that doesn’t involved us it’s rather taboo for most people, most of the time it’s embarrassing for them I had a rather “strict” education in a way.. because I had to blindly obey my parents also I had some religious classes too that I was basically forced to go to. (They’re mostly Christians in my family) I consider myself as an atheist I respect all religions but you won’t have any luck if you try to have a religious conversation with me I don’t want to talk about religion ever, not interested sorry… I have a hard time answering to Jehovah’s witnesses in the street so… so I grew up in that kind of environment I was also told I mustn’t stand out in the crowd well that’s too bad ’cause in the late 90’s-early 2000’s we were ones of the first mixted children out there. People weren’t used to see mixted children/families, especially in private schools I gave my all to blend in didn’t ask too much questions either even if something interested me I was an extremely introverted child I suffered from selective mutism, didn’t talk to people wether they’re adults or children my age At 6yo, I discovered fapping that was random, I think a lot of y’all discovered it the same way: in the shower the shower spray like “oh how strange !” that was a whole new sensation and then it became my only relief for everything I was always so stressed out I really had to please everyone as a child not to be punished in fact I had the– the pressure of school, people’s mean remarks on my body because– I was– I was hit by puberty (at 6-7yo) and I had that new thing, which was fapping that I couldn’t talk to anyone it was (and still is for some people) shameful *Lili.exe stopped working* sorry I was inventing a new word (failed to find the right one) As I said fapping was my only (stress) relief it became more and more frequent growing up puberty stopped when I was 13 yo. That was also the time I discovered p*rn for the 1st time how’s that ? at that time I was on every blog plateforms (skyblog.com i.e) Now I don’t have them anymore, I’m 25 so… my interests shifted a bit Back then I browsed my blog post with pics I saved on my parents computer (didn’t have my own yet) I think you can guess what happened right ? the last folder someone opened was not mine you guessed right: it was full of 18+ pics so I stumbled upon that I didn’t want to… that was because the last person who used the computer was storing these Growing up I was never told to get out of the room when they watched movies on TV. There were not p*rn movies let me reassure you action films with love scenes , nothing special for a teen-adult (but not a child) at 10yo I wasn’t told to get out (and I wish I was) I was just standing there… but when puberty hits you you can’t ignore the raging hormones man… If you keep it together: puberty + fapping and now p*rn I wanted to know more since sex was too taboo that’s why as soon as I got my 1st computer I started to watch some 18+ videos I think there were only 2 months between the story folders and my computer Same thing as fapping it increased more and more and even more and again became one of the only things who could help me de-stress That was hard: whenever I got a little stressed or frustrated I did it. Now as I’m approaching my 1st nofap anniversary I don’t need those things anymore there not vital, I won’t get cancer if I don’t fap but back then I pushed it so far it hurted my body my whole body hurted after a fapping session it was so bad my right thumb got numb, I couldn’t feel a thing for 3 weeks worse thing was I wasn’t even concerned about this injury because as you reach 17-18-20yo 20yo+ it became quite “normal” to talk about sex , p*rn or fantasies to your friends It doesn’t bother me to talk about fantasies with my friends but I never gave the whole picture to them nor did I tell them what I was watching because that wasn’t interesting for me, because I was ashamed too fapping removed so much feelings below my belt, in the pubic area, vagina … I wasn’t enjoying sex either because I felt it was better when I gave myself pleasure if I didn’t I couldn’t feel anything but pain while having sex One day I was talking to my best friend (march 2019) he talked about nofap for him it wasn’t normal not having any sensation nor a “normal” sexuality don’t get me wrong, everyone lives their own their way ^^ I told myself “why not?”, so I made my researchs I wasn’t too convinced seemed too good to be true imo “how could stopping fap and p*rn improved my life ?” I really thought it was bullsh*t but I made my researched anyway nofap was really a thing for y’all english speakers so I watched their videos as much as I could I was looking for girls in nofap too and I found 2 of them I put their channels in the description below I think they still are on the nofap journey (not 100% sure though) and I told myself “hey, 2 girls are on this path too they’re confortable speaking about it that means something !” I really saw the differences on them ! Before they embarked on the journey and during, I could NOT not seeing this and now ?? If they could do it there’s no reason I couldn’t, I’m a girl too xD so I started ! Fapping took 17-18 years of my life (I’m 25) P*rn took 11 years of my life too it’s like the majority of my whole life ! But y’all…I won’t lie, that was HARD ! I was having a lot of drawback symptoms like a drug addict… Right now, I still have some but the intensity varies a lot now that I’m almost a year in, I can clearly see/feel them coming After a decade I don’t need p*rn anymore that’s not vital. Even if I experienced things like blue balls too (clitoris area) but because I’m a really obsessive person I had to refrain myself a thousand times telling myself “don’t open that tab”, “throw those bookmarks away” “delete them once and for all” “now go do something else now that you have time” “go exercise” which I did to keep this new energy I started to improve my eating habits eating for health because back then I was eating vegan btw being vegan wrecked my libido If you don’t consume cholesterol, you don’t have enough to sustain you own hormones to take care of everything inside you to take care of your puberty is you’re at that age also when you want to have sex and have an easier time to concieve (which I know I want) if you don’t have any libido you don’t like intimacy, you don’t like sex and I didn’t have any (libido) ! Zero ! Nada ! I had drawbacks when seeing erotic pics or 18+ pics when I felt them coming, I felt them like a sort of energy ball inside, making its way up my throat taking my breath away and some kind of pulses heartbeat like…I don’t know if I make sense ? it also gave me goosebumps, all that was similar to what (I heard) drug addicts have I really had to refrain myself I was there talking to myself asking myself if I really need it if it was really necessary if I wanted to remain that miserable girl who was enslaved by ochlophobia and anxiety everyday worse if I had to talk to a fellow human being do I really wanted that ? or do I really wanted to seize my chances to succeed chances to detach myself from p*rn because honestly, if I didn’t have p*rn in my life and only fap it could have been a bit easier but… because I used p*rn to masturbate it was wayyyyy harder ! it was like fighting myself for a better life I remember I used to write my feelings to my best friend to vent and getting rid of drawbacks and frustration I wrote to him (he was a big help and rooted for me, so lucky to have him ^^) I also wrote on my computer all the negative emotions which could lead to a relapse, I wrote a lot A lot of “mind control” if I can put it that way And often keeping me busy to keep it at bay I’m telling you when I say “keep busy” it’s a must without that… the tiniest stimulation the tiniest pulse will make you fail I’m not even joking (I’m on the nofap french community and I see these things everyday: people relapsing for that reason) if I made it that far it’s because that was an everyday battle even now when I have some drawbacks I say to myself “look all the things you did since your beginning !” “look all the things you achieved !” (no longer have anxiety and no longer introverted) “all those projects you made and all those to come” “do you want to throw them away and go back to that girl you once were ?” “do you really want that, be honest ?!” I was really the one who talk to myself who motivated myself, who pushed myself to my limits I was so mean to myself but that was only because if I didn’t no one could have a positive impact on my progress I just couldn’t believe them if they were rooting for me if I didn’t push myself on the first place when I started to have more meaningful interactions with my acquaintances or with my friends and family, they noticed the difference that I didn’t behave the way I used to and this is when I realize I really made a massive improvement before I was obsessed by any sexual subjects but I was aware that if I wanted to change in a good way I mustn’t lie to myself and be as obsessed by the idea of feeling better If you don’t realize you want to feel better that you don’t want to found any excuses, you won’t succeed You’re going to fail until someday you got the realization and being convinced you don’t wanna live like this anymore and you want to do everything you can to get better back then if I didn’t do any of those things if I didn’t do nofap I really think someday someone would find my body liveless in the gutter I was so distressed and hating myself/my life my life was anxiety 24/7 Everything, I mean every damn thing was all pressure/oppression while I just wanted to be supported and cared for I thought all those things were normal because I lived like this all my life pressure, stress… I was really down and apathetic about it, I gave up on the idea it could change but y’all know it’s not normal right ? when I saw those nofap youtubers changed their whole life I couldn’t make myself believe it was just placebo effect if it didn’t work the way it did for them it’s just because we don’t have the same body hence we have a different pace we have a different environment, a different past so that makes sense if it’s a different pace, you know what I mean ? I shouldn’t force anything but I must absoluetly occupied myself I’m telling you this if you watched my previous video (edit: you probably didn’t because I didn’t subbed them yet, comment if you want me to) if I keep repeating myself it’s only because it’s not a gimmick or magical this is the only thing that worked for me I didn’t come this far doing no effort at all even though you couldn’t see it on my face it didn’t mean inside my head I was not battling that I wasn’t thinking I was also watching other youtubers I admire (not necessarily related to nofap) and I knew the difference between me and them was that they had charisma (not me) they’re full of charisma and really convinced by what they were doing Me on the other hand, I was convinced but I was afraid of what others would think of me if I dared say anything about addictions or stuff I was afraid of mean comments but one thing to keep in mind is when you decide to be vocal about something if you’re talking publicly about something, people will say whatever they want so why not be fully yourself ? you can say whatever your heart feels like you can’t be someone else but yourself so if something makes you feel good there’s no reason to hide it and if there’s someone else like you there’s no reason you couldn’t help them too Personally, I can’t clone myself and help everyone but I’m totally convinced that all my videos will reach someone who needs it it’s impossible that no one in the whole world would be touched by what I say or experienced I love when people come and say “if that person encountered those same problems as me and is relieved today I can too!” it really makes my day that’s interactions like this which gives me more energy to keep producing those videos My whole channel is about well-being and taboos even if I don’t talk about nofap in every video nor sexuality or 18+ topics I won’t ever talk about things unrelated to well-being in any shape or form just because they’re extremely important for me and I want to grow with y’all if you’re not okay in your head and/or body that’s not normal I know this is taboo but I know one day one day there will be more girls talking about thoses stuff (nofap too) I’m sure of it I think it’s maybe too early for them now for now I’m taking all the comments even the mean ones in my face from close minded people just so you know, those addictions and nofap is not a guy only thing 😉 frankly intimacy and sex involves 2 people minimum even children you must be 2 to make them lol xD imo if you don’t like intimacy and sex I don’t know how you can have children if both person don’t get along on this, you lose so much in a relationship you lose so much… That’s all I have to say on my story with p*rn and fap The battle is never over, we’re constantly bombarded by erotic/sexual content even on TV ads or the ads when you wait for your bus everyday some days it’s harder to fight than others you have to be motivated and willing to never give up (at least that’s what I do, I never want to be addicted to this again) *talks about next video on FE3H, you can vote for your husbando/waifu in the poll below*

3 comments

  1. C'est dommage que les filles n'en parle pas par que je suis sur que beaucoup de fille le fond mais elle n'en parle pas

  2. J'ai envie de te dire je taime ! Car ta vidéo m'a fait énormément de bien, j'ai eu les larmes car je me retrouve énormément dedans, je suis en plein début de nofap 😆

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