[MUSIC PLAYING] Recently, New York
has been covered in ads for an unusual product. NARRATOR: Looking for the real
deal in alcohol-free liquor flavored drinks? What? Excuse me, what? Isn’t that just soda? NARRATOR: ArKay beverages
serves up non-alcoholic whiskey, vodka, rum, brandy, and more. Be the life of the party
with great tasting, non– No, you will not be
in the life of the party if you roll up with this. Actually, you will, because
you walk in with this, and they’ll be like,
yo, turn that flame up. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah. So who fuck with Jesus? Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ! Do some bottle tricks and shit. Jesus Christ! Every drink is a Shirley Temple. Yo, bro, Jessica’s here. I’m going to go be
her platonic friend. Yeah! NARRATOR: Zero alcohol, zero
sugar, zero hangover, and– Zero fun. At all. NARRATOR: But it’s notorious– Dog– you’re a piece
of shit if you drink gin. If you drink alcohol-free gin? That just means, like,
the court is watching you. Yo.
Facts. – That’s– no other reason.
– Facts. You’re like, fuck it, I’m
gonna get these kids back, one way or another. Shit. Yo. NARRATOR: ArKay is a player
on the international beverage scene, and with it
comes competition. There are haters out there for– You mean people
that drink this shit? And they’re like,
I hate this shit? NARRATOR: Party it
up with the best in alternative adult beverages. Alternative adult beverages? Is that a genre? Like, what the fuck? Top off my drink. I’m going to blow in my
breathalyzer to start my car. If you have a
breathalyzer attached to your ignition, dog– Yeah, it’s not about drinking
that doesn’t have alcohol. It’s about, like, rehab. You know what I’m saying? Like– we want you to do better. So cheers. Yo, let a cop pull you
over to see a glass with ice in your center console. I’ll tell you right now, NYPD
is beating the shit out of you. They’re like, yo,
you’re not even drunk? Asshole! Whoa, whoa, whao. Are you bumping that new flame? Oh.
Oh. In that case, oh, let him go.
Let him go. Let him go. He’s a good Christian man. Is that a kazoo, nigga? What the fuck was that? I would say you need
to stop drinking when you have a personal breathalyzer. Yo! I’m gonna see
if my car starts. [BEEPING] [ENGINE STARTING] It’s like,
[BEEPING SOUND] You’re. A. Herb. Yo. And there you have it. Here’s like, ah, ah, ah– my
ankle bracelet didn’t go off. Wow. Of course you have some. Let’s go. – Let me try the rum.
– Yeah. Give me the run. Because we have
some real rum here. You know what I’m saying? Real rum. So come here. I’m searching for some real rum. Nah. Even– Something to get me fucked up. Real rum. Oh! Hey. Hey, pour, up, pour up– OK. My guy. You have to– The fuck is it, an
Impossible Burger? Like, you gotta
activate the shit? Oh, no, yo, seriously. Yeah, no, shake before drinking. Some of the ingredients
have different densities. Yo, this– I’m not even
gonna read the rest of this fucking label, dog. I don’t think rum
is supposed to bubble like Arizona iced tea. All right. All right, fuck it. ArKay. And then they
got the wild safety thing so you can’t overpour. Yo, wow, look at– Where’s John Taffer]? Shut it down! Shut it down. This shit got a weak prostate. Look at this shit, bro. Oh, there we go.
– There you go. There you go.
All right. All right.
Easy. Don’t kill me. I don’t want to
alcohol poison you. What would the flame think? Salud. Salud to fucking boredom. Oh– Oh, my god. You know what it tastes like? When you– you know
how you have coffee– Oh, god. Ugh. Oh, god. Yo. No. Yo, this shit tastes like– What’s that– what’s
that cinnamon gum? Big Red. It tastes like Big Red.
– Ugh. Yeah, please. No, it doesn’t. No one ever likes Big Red. That’s just the gum you give out
to people who ask you for gum. In school, yeah. Oh, this is made in
Fort Lauderdale, dog. Yo, get this shit
out of here, bro. It does not taste
like rum at all. Yo. It’s very watery, too. It’s like– What is this, Prohibition? I gotta make this
shit in my tub? Like–
[SINGING] – I don’t like to drink
drinks I have to activate. You know what I’m saying? Yo, look at– naw, bro. Come on, man. Look at that frothy head
on that bottle of rum. Don’t make this
into a GIF, y’all. [LAUGHTER] [MUSIC PLAYING]