Gus Johnson’s Low-Budget Rom-Com

Gus Johnson’s Low-Budget Rom-Com

Hey, boss. It’s me, your assistant,
I have message for you. Stop. Can’t you see
I have no time and that I’m a career
driven woman? Hey, it’s me, your new employee. I’m here for my
first day of work. Hey, it’s me, your boss. You and I will
never find true love. Well, I agree
with you there lady. I like playing darts
and drinking light beer with my buddies
on the weekend and I have no such time
for a stuck up and empowered woman
like yourself. Glad we are in agreement.
Now, I have to go. I am so busy. Come in. Boy, boss, it sure stinks that
we have to work late tonight. Why am I doing this again? Eddy got sick. I just
need you for the one scene. Okay, but like my hair’s
already dark. I don’t need this. Just put the wig on
for consistency’s sake. Boy, boss, it sure stinks that
we have to work late tonight. I know this stinks. Corporates making us
do all these taxes. Well, I know how we can make
this the time go quicker boss. Some Suds. What are Suds?
I’ve never had beer before. I don’t even know
how to have fun. Hey, listen, lady.
I’m not having it either, and I’m still not too fond
of you and your bossy ways, but maybe if we’re placed
together in the situation where we have to work together
to overcome a common obstacle, you and me could
potentially develop feelings? Well, I guess I’m open to it.
Bring on the Suds. Bottoms up. Geez louise, buddy.
You sure are good at darts. What can I say?
I sure am good at darts. You know what I like
even more than darts? Well, Christ Jesus, Dave,
why don’t you tell us? Women. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Hey, let’s go around the room, say some of our favorite
parts of women. Nipples. Labias. Areolas. I don’t know, guys. Speaking of women. How about that career
driven boss lady of yours? Ha ha ha ha ha. I bet you’re developing
feelings for her. Hush, you guys. I am not
developing feelings for her. Are you sure about that? Oh my goodness, I am
developing feelings for her. Hey, the woman that you love is
about to leave on an airplane. Oh my gosh, I got to get to
the airport right now. Wait. I am in love.
I have to declare my love. Get out of the way. Get out of the way. Get out of the way. I’m coming for you. I’m coming. I love you. I love you. Boss lady, wait. There’s a guy
selling tables over there. Wait, wait. No, stop.
I wasn’t ready. I’m getting sweaty. I wasn’t ready.
You have to do it again. He wasn’t ready.
Just listen to him. Okay. Boss lady, wait. I know I’m just one of the guys and you’re an incredibly career
driven, empowered woman, but I am in love with you and I don’t care if they’re
making tables over there. I want to move in together
and plow you. Hey, I’m the pilot.
You guys better hurry up. Plane’s leaving. Wow.
I wasn’t ready, sorry. Dude, you are killing me. Jaime. Come on, man.
Sorry, I wasn’t ready. Wow. You have broken
through my tough exterior. I forgot the rest of the line. You have broken
through my tough exterior. I love you too,
you little rascal. You better make it quick. I got a plane
full of angry folks and it looks like
the weather’s about to get bad. I know we’re running out of time
with the weather, but I just had
to tell you how I felt. I- Dude.
What the hell, dude? Sorry. I just- We said we’re using
the mist attachment. Why is it on jet? It was- It’s stuck on jet, so I- Yeah, stuck on jet my ass.
Use the mister attachment. Okay. Do you want rain
or do you not want rain? I want rain, okay. I thought it looked really good. I thought it looked
really good, honestly. Just shut up, dude. Boss lady,
you are the one for me. It’s been you all along
and there’s no one else who could come close
to what you give me. Dude, you’re getting
in my nose. You got to be careful
ok of bacteria. Okay, I know we’re stuck on- I know we’re stuck on jet,
but you can’t aim for my face. You are the one for me and I don’t care
what comes between us. I always want you. You’re just moving in accordance
with my mouth at this point. Stop it.
Will you marry me? I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready. You don’t have a drop of water
on you. Are you not- You’re supposed to be
squirting it up in the air. It’s a real directional rain,
I think. You’re completely dry right now. I love you too, so I accept
what you’re saying. I love you. Okay. Now, let’s kiss in
the rain to seal the deal. What? No.
I’m not going to kiss you. You have to kiss.
You said we kiss. I did not say we’d kiss.
We said we’d kiss. You never told me
anything like that. You agreed to it.
No, I didn’t. You agreed to it back
at the house. Come on. No, I didn’t. I never said that. Kiss me really quick. No, I’m not going to kiss you. Kiss me. COme one. I’m not going to kiss you, dude. Yeah. All right. Next stop true love.


  1. You asked for more Gus Johnson and we've got more coming. "Gus Week" is coming here to Comedy Central Originals 7/22 – 7/28. Subscribe to make sure you don't miss a thing.

  2. I literally couldn’t stop laughing during the hose scene. That in itself was just such a perfect representation of Gus’s and Eddy’s style of humor.

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