– So, when we first met
Kevin was quiet, kinda shy. Then one night at a bar we ended up using the
urinals next to each other, and suddenly he changed. (dramatic instrumental music) (air whoopshing) – Kevin’s clients had told me he’s making sales calls from the bathroom. When I asked him why, he says it’s because he’s multitasking. I heard he’s even recording
a podcast in there. – Welcome back to
Shootin’ The Piss Podcast. Today we have a very
special surprise guest. What’s your name again? – Bro, I’m taking a piss! – I never see him anymore
without his CamelBak and he’s constantly popping diuretics. – The kid’s gonna wear out his
bladder with all that soda. If he doesn’t stop he won’t be pissing in a urinal, he’ll be pissing in an adult diaper. (air whooshing) (dramatic instrumental music) – Whoa! Guys, what’s going on here? You havin’ a book club
meeting or something? – What? None of us read books, nobody does. – What?
– Kevin, we’re here to talk about your obsession
with urinal chitchat. – Oh, you guys wanna talk? Mind if I just take a piss while– – No! This is an intervention. – For? – Talking at the urinal. You know, small talk
that’s annoying enough, but you’re always trying to get all deep. Like, asking questions
about my mom’s gout. – Oh, how is she doing with those anti-inflammatories by the way? – Oh, sorry. – No, no, no you’re good, you’re good. We’re not doing anything. (dramatic instrumental music) – Oh my god. (dramatic instrumental music) – Drink a lot of coffee? – Um… I’m sorry. – That was disgusting. – The way it smelled? I know, right.
– No, you! Obviously we can all smell
that he has coffee piss. You just started the conversation because you wanted too. – I was just being friendly. You guys are all crazy. – Us? You installed a 40-inch flat
screen with all access cable, just so you can trick guys in here and then talk to them about sports. – Who doesn’t want to talk about baseball when they’re pissin’?. – Name one baseball player. – Buster Scruggs. – What? So, you don’t know anything about sports. You just use it as a talking point. – Oh, sorry. I’ll be quick. – Oh my god. – Again. – Nice kicks. You ball? – [Long-Haired Man] Dude, come on man! – Shit. Okay, I didn’t have to talk to him. I was just curious, all right? – Why do you so desperately
need to talk at a urinal? – Its just guys being guys. Getting intimate, you know? Urinals break barriers. You’re the most vulnerable and honest when you’re takin’ a piss. – Kevin, I’m willing to meet you half way. You can hold your dick at work when you’re talking to
other employees, deal? – What?
– Wait a minute… – What is wrong with you?
– No. – Ah… – Kevin, we all love you
but you have a problem. You replaced the toilet in
your apartment with a urinal. – That’s just more convenient. – Where do you shit? – I don’t. I’m on an all liquid diet. – Oh my God! You are destroying your body man. Kevin, you’re sick! – I’m not sick! Listen, if it makes you all happy, I’ll just stop. I’ll stop talking to people at the urinal. – And what about outside the urinal? Are you gonna be able to open up to people without your porcelain security blanket? – For sure. – So, you’re gonna stop
talking at a urinal? Cold turkey? – Yes. – Yeah, what’s up? Hey, how you guys doing? – Hi.
– Mm-hmm. (dramatic instrumental music) – Ahh! – Oh, come on.
– Ooh. – [Dr. Sweers] No. – Oh my gosh. – Dude, you know you could have used the other urinal, right? – Shut up! I was trying not to talk to you! – Get that checked out! – All on your shoes, those Nikes. (dramatic instrumental music) – You know, I’ve recently
been calling it car-a-mel, instead of car-mel. (eerie violin music) I used to call it car-mel, but I definitely think it’s ca-ra-mel now. What do you think? Still there? Hello? (lonely violin music)