How Do Drug Addicts Manipulate You (and themselves) 2020🕹

How Do Drug Addicts Manipulate You (and themselves) 2020🕹

if you’ve got a loved one with a drug or
alcohol problem or any other kind of addiction for that matter then you know
exactly what it’s like to be conned manipulated tricked split lied to all of
those things because in order to keep any type of addiction going you’ve got
to keep everyone around you misdirected on their toes split against each other
it’s literally like the addiction is an orchestra conductor moving all these
people and pieces of information around to create this entire facade or melody
of music that’s probably misleading to say the least well if you’re really
connecting to what I’m talking to here then you’re definitely in luck because
we are gonna cover the top eight things that people with substance use disorders
or any other type of addiction do to keep themselves and the people around
them misdirected or in denial essentially I’m going to give you the
inside scoop on all their top tricks so you can identify them know when they’re
happening and not fall in the trap for those of you who are new here I’m
amber Hollingsworth master addiction counselor and you’re watching put the
shovel down the YouTube channel designed specifically to help you understand the
psychology of addiction so you can recover your loved one and get back to
living the life that you want to live because I know you’re tired of being
held hostage by this addiction okay so let’s get on with it lots of you already
know I have several videos about manipulation liess and denial but in this
video I’m gonna be going a little bit more in depth about the ways that
addicts and alcoholics misdirect keep us all confused running in
circles and chasing all the wrong leads and in order to do that I’m gonna be
talking about some things from this book right here it’s called smoke and mirrors
and it’s by Dorothy Marie England it’s not a very big book it’s pretty
little see that almost looks like a little handbook a little bit bigger than
a handbook but definitely something you could read in all in one sitting
and although I’m gonna cover some of the information in this book there is a ton
more in here it is packed with useful helpful information if you’d like to get
a copy this book I’ll put a link in the description below the author of this
book does an excellent job of using the metaphor of a magician to help explain
how people with addictions keep all of us off track and keep themselves in
denial so I’m going to tell you about eight of the magic tricks that Miss
England tells you about in this book now even if you’re not a big fan of magic or
magicians you’ll be pretty familiar with these tricks you have at least seen or
heard of them and I think you’ll be able to follow along quite nicely the first
trick is what miss England calls the shell game now you’ve seen this maybe
with shells old-school style but I’ll bet you’ve at least seen this with cups
you know like the little red Dixie Cups where the person may be on the street
has the cups there’s maybe three or four of them and there’s like a shell or a
ball or something like that under one of those cups and you know they move them
around you get to watch them and you get to guess where the guess which cup the
item is under I know you know what I’m talking about and this game is an
excellent metaphor for how addicts and alcoholics shift around the blame the
excuses to keep you constantly looking in a different
direction and confused and chasing all the wrong leads so just like moving
around those cups with the object underneath addicts and alcoholics will
shift the blame so for example they’ll throw you off track by talking about how
difficult it is for work how their boss is a big jerk and they’re always on
their case and so you’ll go down that road for a while and you’ll try to help
them solve that problem you’ll have empathy for them and you’ll chase that
lead for a little while but then maybe if they’re talking to someone else they
shift the blame over to you and they talk about what a big jerk you are and
how controlling you are and how you’re always on their case and you’re
constantly spying on them and they’ve got this other person looking under this
cup and yet to an even different person they may talk about some really
difficult things that happened in their childhood now there may be a little
truth to all of those different things but you can see how the addicted person
uses that constant shifting of blame thing to keep everybody distracted and
chasing a completely different league and this game isn’t just to keep you off
track but it also helps keep them in denial because they will ruminate
perseverate on all of these different things and use that as emotional
justification to continue to use if you haven’t seen my videos on enabling and
staying out of the bad cop role definitely check those out because we
address this topic in much more depth moving on to number two you know the
classic magician disappearing act I probably don’t even have to spend too
much time explaining the disappearing act to you because I bet you’ve seen it
in real life people with addictions have a remarkable ability to disappear in
several different ways they have an ability to constantly be able to
disappear from the things that they’re supposed to be responsible or
commitments they just don’t show up they just don’t do what they’re supposed to
do lots of times not all the time but lots of times they don’t show up to
family functions or they show up really late or they show up and they’re really
intoxicated so they’re there but they’re not there any of you who have a loved
one with a drug or alcohol problem you know exactly what I’m talking about you
call them on the phone they don’t answer you call them on the phone they say I’m
on my way I’m only a few minutes late and the next
you know they either don’t come or they come several hours late or they come two
days late who knows and another type of disappearing act that you might be
familiar with is more of a psychological nature it’s that ability of the person
with a substance abuse problem to disappear into their own denial they
don’t see what’s right in front of them they don’t see reality the same way you
see reality and that’s why there’s so much arguing back and forth now before
we move on to number three I’d like to stop for just a second and address an
important issue a lot of times when I do these videos on manipulation or lying or
all of those things people can get in a really big huff and they can feel like
I’m being mean or judgmental or disparaging towards people with
substance abuse problems now I know it may sound like it because I’m sort of
like calling the bluff and I’m kind of like turning the light on the lies and
the deceitful behaviors but the truth of it is is I have a huge heart for anyone
with a substance abuse problem I’ve spent my whole life helping people but
in order to help them you have to stop falling into these traps not that long
ago on a video that I have on Facebook I think the title of the video is
something like how to know when an addict or an alcoholic is lying to you
oh my goodness you should see all the comments and the arguments that go on in
fact there was one person that seemed really really upset with me because I
indicated that addicts and alcoholics lie and this person left a comment
saying that not all addicts and alcoholics lie well naturally that
started a bigger argument and they even went further to say that by my saying so
I could be keeping people from getting help I could be keeping people scared
from reaching out and doing differently because they’re afraid to be judged and
that people might kill themselves or die so I gotta say that was a pretty tough
comment to hear but I’m really not gonna back down from that I’m gonna stand my
ground and say all people with addictions addicts and alcoholics or
other addictions lie to some degree and I’m not saying that in a mean or
judgmental way it is literally a symptom of the problem and from years and years
and years of seeing people with substance abuse problems if I couldn’t
spot these if I couldn’t call them out and I don’t call them out
at all I’m very kind or I say it with humor
they literally wouldn’t trust me whatsoever because I think people with
substance use disorders really don’t have any trust or respect for you if you
don’t really know what’s up and if you can’t call a spade a spade okay off that
tangent back on to number three number three is the magic hat of course we’ve
all seen this the magician has a magic hat and he pulls out bunnies or he pulls
out those like silky handkerchiefs for miles and miles and miles or he pulls
out something huge out of this little hat kind of like on Mary Poppins when
she pulls out like all those giant things out of her little bag
it’s like what the heck else is coming out of there you don’t know what’s
coming next well the author uses that metaphor to describe how addicts and
alcoholics can pull out these different various personalities it’s almost like
these different people come out depending on the situation and who
they’re talking to sometimes they pull out an angry or
aggressive personality to get you to back off sometimes they pull out a
pitiful meek mod or victim personality to get you to do something for them
sometimes they pull out a really reasonable objective personality to help
throw you off track if you’re dealing with someone substance use disorder you know
exactly what I’m talking about all the different personalities you don’t know
what you’re gonna get because the personality is all designed on helping
them get to their goal number four card tricks the classic card trick every
magician does the car trick you know where they have the deck of cards and
then you pick one or you mark it or you write your name on it or you tear the
corner off or something like that and you put it back in the deck and they are
miraculously able to pick your card out every single time well addicts and
alcoholics have this magical ability to their magical ability isn’t about
picking out the right card it’s about picking out the exact right button to
push because they know what your buttons are they know if grandma is a softie for
a sad story and they’ll push that victim button they know if you worry about
their grades and then graduating school so they’ll get out of doing things
they’ll avoid punishments by saying well if you take my car
get to class and I’ll fail you see what I’m talking about they know what button
to push if this is your spouse they’ll say what kind of person are you to take
your kids mom or dad away they’ll push that button and they know exactly which
one every time they know if they need to push the anger
button the guilt button the shame button the sad button they’ve got it down to a
science now number five is the one that this author calls the escape act you
know like the old school magicians who used to be in the tank of water with all
the chains and the locks and everything and you think there’s no way they’re
ever going to get out of this or they’re locked in a box well people with an
addictions have this magical ability I know you’ve seen it because it’s like
they can escape consequences like no other like they can get out of arrest
they can get out of paying things they can talk themselves in and out of so many
things it really does take a long time for the consequences to build up or for
them to hit bottom because they literally like escape it and get out of
it so many times now eventually it will catch up to them but I’ll tell you there
are gonna be hundreds and thousands of times when they should have gotten some
kind of consequences and we’re able to sort of skate through it by the skin of
their teeth now we’re moving into the last three make sure you watch this
video and get all eight because you’ve got to learn how to identify these so
you can stop falling for it because that’s the first step to getting your
family back on track number six is sleight of hand you know-how with a
magician and they’re gonna do some trick they like show you their
hands or they’ll show you in the Hat or under the cloth or under the table
they’ll make sure and show you that they’re not tricking you they’ll have
you hold something squeeze something touch something they’ll have the person
from the audience come up they’ll give you a piece of truth to throw you off
the scent well addicts and alcoholics love to you
sleight of hand they’ll definitely give you a piece of truth and I gotta tell
you as a counselor I see this one all the time this is the one they like to
use on me this their favorite one to use on me they’ll give me a piece of truth
like for example they’ll tell you about a situation that’s going on in their
life that’s probably a situation but they won’t tell
you the whole story so they might tell you about how they have to take care of
their aging parent and so when they miss sessions or they don’t do what
they’re supposed to they have that to fall back on and it’s easy for the other
person to say well I’m sure that they’re just inconsistent because they’re going
through this or they have this at home they’ll tell you a little about their
situation they will explain away or give them the ability to kind of skirt by on
some of their natural responsibilities or for taking accountability for some of
their behaviors sometimes it’s a sad story a lot of times it’s an excuse or a
reason but it’s that little grain of truth they give you to keep you from
seeing the whole big picture for example a lot of times if somebody’s gonna fail
a drug screen with me they’ll come in and they’ll tell me that they were in
the car with someone that’s smoking or they were with their friends and they
had this one relapse they’ll tell me a little bit of truth but in the whole
truth maybe as they’ve been using every day or something like that a little bit
of truth to totally throw you off track you got to be smarter than that all
right number seven number seven is that old-school magician trick that you seen
where the magician puts the sword through the box
you know there’s usually like a really pretty lady in the box and the magician
just puts the sword right through usually a bunch of swords and you’re
like oh my gosh like she’s gotta be cut to pieces you know I’m sure you know
that they’re really not but it’s hard for you to figure out how they’re not
well with this kind of magic trick the magician pretends to be hurting a person
when they’re really not but when you see someone with a substance use disorder do
this trick it’s really the opposite of that they will in fact hurt you
emotionally financially sometimes physically and don’t act like they did
it it’s the complete opposite so when they don’t follow their responsibilities
when they say something hurtful when they do something hurtful when they
split people against each other and then you confront them about it or you call
them out they’ll act like you’re the crazy one they’ll act like they didn’t do
it so they really use this trick but in the opposite way okay before we get to
last one which is number eight I’d love to hear in the comments below have you
ever seen any of these magic tricks have you ever done any of
these magic tricks what’s your experience with this or would you like
to add one to the list now number eight is the mind-bending trick of levitation
so you see this sometimes Street magicians will do this and it looks like
they’re levitating off the ground and they’ll usually sort of put their hand
through to show you there’s nothing there that there’s no secret prop or
anything like that and you’re just like how are they really suspended in air you
know it’s not possible but somehow they’re doing it they get you to believe
that the laws of gravity don’t even apply to them now when people with addictions do
this particular magic trick this is a trick they more use on themselves rather
than on you because somehow people with substance use disorders are able to over
and over and over again convince themselves that the laws of the universe
don’t apply to them that they’re never gonna have that really bad wreck that
they’re not gonna get arrested that they’re not gonna flunk out a class that
they’re never gonna lose that job and they’re probably part of the reason why
they think the laws don’t apply to them is because of that escape trick like
they’ve escaped it so many times they really do convince themselves that it’s
not gonna happen earlier today I talked to this lady she
she was calling concerned about her husband and she said she was thinking
about leaving and I said well does he believe you and she said well probably
not because I’ve said it a million times but I really mean at this time and so
because it’s not happened so many times they literally when you say those things
when you make those threats when you tell them how these bad things can
happen they literally just blow you off because in their mind you’re being
ridiculous you’re being overly dramatic and that’s not gonna happen they got it
now if you found this video helpful and you think it could help someone else
please share it you can share it to a specific person you can share it out to
a group you’re in or post it on your social media and by doing so you are
helping us fight addiction remember our goal is to spread recovery faster than
addiction is spreading and right after you share this video make sure you watch
these videos next because it’s going to add on a lot more information about the
manipulation tactics and strategies and lies and what to do about the
when you have an addicted loved one I’m going to put it right up here in the
corner and all you’ve got to do is click on it


  1. ☝️To learn more about setting healthy boundaries with an addicted loved one, watch this next: 📣

  2. It's not mean to call someone out on their lying and tricks. Every addict I know lied to me, likely to avoid consequences or pain. The ones arguing are in denial about it. They can be chameleons.

  3. Some good points here! But the big Big factor thats not addressed is when the addict is being accussed of showing or exhibiting these patterns or behavior and isnt doing these things. I know and have seen addicts being accussed of such behaviors and yet non existed except in the accussers mind from such Info like this being passed out like candy and magic "presto" – the person who heard this info is now an expert! This is not to say that addicts cant or wont be manipulative…Its very much the opposite. LOL..All im saying is that bad info can be written in a book or passed on making it more difficult for the person in recovery cause its very individualistic and in need of a more 3rd party professional. Even doing that then one must understand the methods of the drug therapist and the reason they subscribe to those theories. I can see why peeps would get mad at this message as its just not true on many levels imho. Anyone can write a book! I am a big subscriber in private sessions for friends and family members involved but last thing I would do is put that kind of doubt or influence….lol…clear as mud! So in conclusion ,,,when this type of information is let out and people are now labeled could be more detrimental and harmful to the addict. The key word is "Could". You are from Texas and you should know the saying…"Common sense aint so common". But to paint it with a broad paint brush I guess I see your point but i think it leaves alot more to discussion cause this way of thinking tends to paint people in corners….deserved or not! But maybe that a part of this theories design

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *