Sometimes we get into habits or
addictions that we really want to break. But how do you break a habit or an
addiction? You’ve had a lot of other tips in different videos. I’ve got my friend
Blu Robinson here today who’s an expert on how to break habits and addictions
because you work with addiction all the time. -I do. All the time. -So let’s apply
some of your experience and expertise here. Give us the background for this.
Where… Where do we start? -Yeah, well behaviors are patterns that
are… That are constant meaning. Like if you have something and do it over and
over and over again. Studying or muscle memory type
experiences, you’re going to turn those actions into behaviors. The behaviors can
turn into habits. The beautiful thing about behaviors is they’re all learned.
It’s not something that we just are born with. Everything we do, we were taught and
we learned and we experience and they become behaviors. So the neat thing about
that is, if we learn them, we can unlearn them. But it takes practice and hard work.
-Oh you know what? That’s good news. This happens in a subtle way though sometimes.
We don’t see it actually creeping in because we get programmed. Programming is
these behaviors that you’re talking about that are repeated over time until
we don’t think about them anymore. -Absolutely. -And it just happens
automatically. It’s now a programmed response. -Hmm. -You know it came into my
mind as you said that. -What’s that? -Language. -Oh, yeah. -English. We’re speaking
in English. -I’ve noticed. -Did you choose to speak in English? -What I know. -It’s
just what you’re programmed with, right? Now, some of you are not native English
speakers. And so you’re switching into English mode or you might be using the
captioning that YouTube provides. But you switch into English mode on purpose even
though your programming is in a different
language. You and I are programmed to speak English. And so that’s where our
mind wants to go because of that habit that’s been formed. -Absolutely. So that to
me is a compelling example of what you’re talking about. -Yeah, absolutely. And
the beautiful thing about habits and behaviors is that when you’re unlearning
them, it doesn’t always have to be a negative response in order to change
that behavior. Meaning, you have a kid that starts sucking their thumb, they
sell the nail polish it tastes awful. I know some kids actually enjoy it. So it
doesn’t change that. -Have a cayenne, pepper or something.
-Absolutely, yeah. And some kids really enjoy that, I guess. So, it doesn’t almost
have to be negative. Positive reinforcement can also be a great
motivator to changing a behavior. -Yeah, having a strong enough why… -Mm-hmm -…is one
way to think about that. -Absolutely. And with that why comes something that I
coaching teaching at exactly which is an “I am.” You don’t want to focus on what I’m
not. You know you want to focus on I am. I am worthy, I am powerful, I am strength.
Instead of I am pitiful, I am remorseful. You want to change that
perception of who you are. At the core as it will start producing into areas of
changing behaviors. What motivates you, you have to be able to label that with
an I am. -And it’s it’s more than just a perception. -Absolutely. -It’s a… it’s a
declaration really. -It is. -It’s like an intentional creative statement.
-Absolutely. It’s like I am a smoker. Well, that sounds kind of negative. What if you
said something like “I am health.” Well, “I am the smoker and I am health.” They don’t
really mix together very well. -Right. And so, realistically your mind doesn’t tell
the difference. It believes what you tell it. So if you tell it that it’s health as
you’re moving away from being a smoker, it’ll become that. We call that Faking It
Until You Become It. We call it in the coaching, “Good Practice.” -That… Well, that
and I prefer that to Blu. Because… Fake It Until You Make It, yeah. There’s
some utility in that concept. -Absolutely. It feels fake, it feels funny. And when we
say we’re faking it… But I like what you’re doing
with this. Practice. This is something I’m practicing, I’m developing, I’m building
I’m creating. See, these are active processes that were engaged.
-Action-oriented. -If you’re learning a new language for example. And might I suggest
Finnish. -That’s going… -Yeah. -Probably it’s not going to be useful
for you. But if you were to learn Finnish, what would it take?
-Study. -A whole lot of practice, right? And so, when I was starting to speak
Finnish and to learn the language, I could have taken that old approach of, “I
can’t speak Finnish.” Which technically would have been true. -Yeah. -It’s more
useful for for me to say I’m learning or practicing or developing Finnish, in this
case. -For sure. -And I just picked that language as an example. It could be
learning a new musical instrument, it could be learning any new habit or
repeated behavior. -Absolutely. -There’s a process. So, look at it as a practice
sequence. Get your coach on board. -Yeah. -I can see how this is coming together. -And
move forward with it. I mean, well I had to fake being a student until I became
one. Because I had awful study techniques. Until I started looking at the bigger
picture here what I wanted at the end. And that was I would like to have a
degree. And I want to be a professional, I want to be able to be paid for what I do
for a living. Therefore I couldn’t tell myself I
wasn’t a student anymore. I had to tell myself, “I am a student and I am a
graduate.” And those attributes help my behaviors a mindset shift to where I
became it. And I’ve done a pretty good job of faking it because I’ve got the
letters behind my name now. So it works. -Huh!. -It literally works. -You know what? And
if faking it doesn’t serve you well… Like for me, it triggers all of those negative,
“Oh, it’s not real kind of things.” I got on an airplane
last week, Blu. And the pilots were the age of my kids. -Oh, that’s… -Okay? I mean,
I’m at that phase of life, right? Well, what if… What if my pilots were saying, “Oh
I’m not a pilot. I’m faking being a pilot.” Okay, I’m not feeling so safe anymore.
-Absolutely. -Everybody’s in some phase of development and everybody who is a pilot
right now wasn’t at some point. -Yep. -True? -Their behaviors and their
desires made it to become such. -You can become whatever you choose to become.
Through practice, through principle, through getting the right kind of
coaches on board. -Yes, surrounding yourself with people
that have like-minded behaviors. The like of minded habits. Those are the greatest
things you’ve heard it before. We are the average of the 5 people we spend the
most time with. Their behaviors are going to influence ours to become great or to
become not so great. It’s up to you. -Makes me glad I’m hanging out with people like
you. -I agree 100% with you. -Such a useful idea, Blu. That we’re we’re practicing, we’re
becoming. In fact, maybe we should refer to ourselves as human Becomings. No. (Both Laughs) Where you are isn’t where you’re going
to be. What you’re going to become doesn’t exist yet. We haven’t created
that yet. Let’s get back to our… Our starting point here, Blu. As we were
talking about how to… How to overcome habits and addictions. Think of it as
programming. Can you learn a new program? Yes, you can. -Absolutely. -We’ve identified
some of the processes by which you can do that and our focus goes away from, “Oh,
I need to break this habit” into “I want to reprogram myself to do this”, instead.
-Absolutely. And reprogramming a behavior, it’s going to take a lot of motivation.
That’s why these attributes need to be very conscious to you. They’ve got to be
able to be pointed out by your loved ones. They also need to be recognized by
yourself. So that when you find yourself slipping into one of those behaviors. you
can find your way out of it too. By changing just something ever so slightly.
The smallest move that you make whether it’s
literally getting up on the other side of the bed to change your daily routine
will help shape behaviors in a much different way. But it is being conscious
of what is and what’s wanted. -Would you comment briefly also (Before I let you go
here today) about the importance of community. Or I think you refer to it as
team. -Absolutely. It’s …-Could you just give us some of your insights about that? -Well,
for instance, most people come to Addict to Athlete. And part of our program is to
be able to run and to exercise. And to experience being what an athlete would
be. And that… That varies from one person to another. But most everyone first comes
in and they had those old behaviors if I can’t or I’m not. And so literally, we
here and “I’m not a runner.” Well, says who? We’ve all ran. -I’m not pilot. -I’m not a pilot,
absolutely. But the thing is is we’ve once done that everyone’s ran at least
once. Everyone’s moved somewhere quickly. And so, it’s changing that thought
process of again to what’s not to what can be or what could be. And I think
being able to understand those principles and changing behaviors ever
so slightly with your thoughts, with your actions with associating with a team to
help support you. And to point out when mistakes are happening our slips are
approaching, it’s going to make you much more able to change behaviors and break
habits. -I just thought of one of our common friends, Blu. Author of charming
book called “A Wiggle Room.” -Oh yes. -Her name is Jenny Roper. She has cerebral
palsy. -Mm-hmm. -And she ran a 5k. Through your program, Addict to athlete. Now, the story
in her mind at first was, “I’ve got cerebral palsy. I can’t…” -And
her behaviors and habits matched that. -Yes. -And we should bring Jenny on to tell
this story. -Very good. -It was so inspiring to see her do that because she just… She
changed the story in her mind and then what she was able to do in the physical
world changed as well and she completed that 5k. -3.1 mile run. -Yeah. -It can happen. -In the way that she runs. -Absolutely. -And she
talks about that in a way that it’s just so funny and entertaining too.
-Absolutely. Changed her behaviors of what she could do. -Yeah. -What could you do if
you change the story in your mind? Get the right coaches on board, form that
community. It’s powerful. -And it can’t be done.
Blu shared some great ideas with us there. If you’d like a little bit of
individual coaching, go to liveonpurpose.coach. That’s where you’re
going to find Blu and other licensed coaches who understand the principles we
talked about here on the channel. We’ve got your back.