Is live-in relationship better than marriage? || Acharya Prashant (2020)

Is live-in relationship better than marriage? || Acharya Prashant (2020)

there is a growing trend of having
live-in relationships as as opposing to marriage
so escaping marriage we’re finding more people falling in live-in relationships
is that a movement forward would that would that be considered something you
know as good as something that would take us towards freedom we are very good
at playing with names hmm so if you are married to someone you live with him or
her in a living relationship – you live with somebody how does it matter
ultimately you are living with somebody why are you living with anybody you can
choose the marriage route you can choose the live-in route you can choose some
other route you can decide to be part of a commune of some other setting some
other kind of gathering a club or something but the thing is about company
and relationship why is there such a hungry need to be with someone and when
I say why I mean why it’s a question not an allegation hmm when I say why is
there such a need to be with someone we need to answer this it’s mostly about men and women being
together right there is a man there is a woman when they are married then they
have obtained some kind of a social license a sanction the hold of the
society is now loosening the old barriers of religion and caste are
slowly crumbling and especially the big cities offer a lot of anonymity so you
can afford to be together without seeking the sanction of family or
society and that you call as live-in relationship in fact many if most if not
most of the eleven partners would probably not have moved into living had
it been possible to somehow get married hmm given a choice they would get
married but because marriage is being opposed on grounds of caste religion
economics or something so they decide to live in in an anonymous way I’m not
saying this happens in all living cases but in a large number of cases this too
is the story so all said and done it is about the desire to be with a person
whether in the married way or in the unmarried way why is there such a great
desire to sleep on the same bed and live in the same room what the hell is that
person bringing to your life must that question not be asked even if you get
married what do you do you bring a man or woman to your house or you move to
his house she ever way what’s so great in sleeping upon somebody’s bed or
having somebody else come to your bed and is that not what the culmination of
marriage is about sharing a common bed and gaining the authority to slip your
hand inside somebody’s pants even the courts of law call that as consumers of
marriage so 11 is unofficially a marriage living is an unofficial
marriage it’s living is marriage not sanctioned by society otherwise what
really is the difference tell me and we said many of the live-in couples would
marry if marriage were to be made possible to them married couples fight
and there have been so many reports of living partners not merely fighting but
actually assaulting each other and even killing each other if my memory serves
me right the courts have ruled that if two people have been living with each
other since long in a living way they are to be treated as de-facto married
couples and having lived in with a woman if you drop her after let’s say three or
four years you are even liable to pay alimony and such stuff I might not be
expressing the legal nuances very accurately but that’s the gist of what
even the courts have ruled so there is not much difference between Levin and
marriage the question is one why do you need a
partner you need to ask that to yourself secondly if you indeed do need a partner
I with the wrong person are you with the right person if you discover that you
really do need the presence of some in your life first of all the reasons
must be very very clear you cannot just blindly go about inviting somebody into
your very very personal inner space the reason has to be absolutely clear
secondly if you are clear that you indeed do need someone then you need to
very honestly very rigorously ask yourself the person that I am right now
choosing is he really right for me to answer that question you’ll have to
move into the spiritual dimension when you want to answer whether that person
is right for me you need to know who you are you need to know what your deepest
desire is and then you also need to know what would really fill that desire so
you ask me is living really an advancement not quite not quite it is
just another kind of marriage just another kind of marriage cohabitation is a sensitive thing living
with somebody cohabitation is a very sensitive thing one thing that really
changes your life this way or that way is the power of company when you are
living with somebody then that person gains enormous power to affect your life
in all kinds of ways and you to get that power so it is both of our ability and a
responsibility you become responsible for the other person’s upkeep and you
cannot do justice that responsibility if you are not a spiritually evolved person
if you are someone who cannot take care of herself
how will you be sure that your presence your company is not becoming an
influence of sickness on the other person so be very very alert about
cohabitation just don’t start living with anybody be very very conscious of
your personal space it is sacred not everybody must be allowed to enter it
I’m not merely talking of the body the mind is much much more sacred than the
body the purity and such things of the body probably do not matter so much but
the mind must be kept virgin not every Tom Dick Harry must be allowed to touch
your mind be very cautious that applies to your friends and you that applies to
your friends your family everybody very very very good interjection very good
very good so when you are talking of marriage and
living and such things you must first of all be careful about your family members
as well now that makes it a little explosive but
then as a teacher it is my responsibility
that this aspect to is brought out aren’t you living with your family
members you aren’t probably related to them in a
sexual way but the power of company the influence of a person’s presence on your
life is still taking place so see what is the presence of other people doing to
you obviously when you are with a sexual partner then the power and the influence
are magnified many-fold but even if the one you are with is not your husband or
wife or sexual partner even if that person is merely a friend or a brother
or a sister or a father or a mother or a relative company would still show effect
so be very cautious of the one you are spending time with the face that you are
regularly seeing the body that you are regularly smelling the voice that you
are frequently hearing these are the things that would decide the direction
of your life so for the youth in this sense is there a specific age where you
just need to be alone in the sense that you know you have to first explore
obviously you must learn aloneness you must learn aloneness before you relate
with people you must be very very comfortable with yourself if you are
someone who cannot be with herself comfortably easily gladly then kindly
spare the other person if you are not all right with yourself then don’t start
piggybacking on the other and usually it is
that way you go to the other precisely because you are not okay with yourself
which is not good at the same time we must remember that we will have to
relate with each other we are not going to live insulated isolated we are going
to be related but the relationship has to be healthy you should not become a
burden on the other you should not become a carrier of pathology to the
other a couple of things just as like for everybody who’s listening like if a
youngster is listening to this what are the ways in which they can take steps to
learn to be alone like is it read when you are reading it cannot be a group
activity obviously you and the book read learn to travel alone
watch movies alone hmm play there is so much that can be done
only in your aloneness and that would keep you make you very very strong from
the inside very fulfilled very complete in yourself then you would not be
approaching the other as a beggar then even if you approach the other then even
if you relate to the other it would be a relationship of health a relationship in
which you have something to give a relationship of joy not a relationship
of dependence and desperation where maybe everybody we are surrounding a
reading yes yes yes we need to see a lot of young people traveling on their own
we need to see a lot of young people living all by themselves for very long
years many many long years we need to see these things and we need to see
young people who are much more socially conscious so when I say they are living
all by themselves that does not mean that they are
socially cut off they are relating to the wider so
xiety in a purposeful productive creative way they are not just going and
riveting themselves to one male or one female and declaring that the two of
them are their entire universe and that’s what happens you know when you
say you are in love especially when you are freshly in love you say it’s the two
of us and that’s our world no not that way when you are really comfortable with
yourself then you find that you have gained the the power and the expanse to
relate with a hundred people 100 people without making any of them
extraordinarily and pathologically special for yourself you


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