Live Q&A: 7 Warning Signs of Depression

Live Q&A: 7 Warning Signs of Depression

Athena: Hey everybody! Welcome! Welcome! Welcome to weekly live Q&A here at Trauma
Recovery University. I’m so excited that you’re here. Tonight’s topic is depression –we received
a lot of emails over the last 3 years and even more lately over the last few weeks regarding
the topic of depression and specifically what are the warning signs of depression, how do
I know if I’m sad versus depressed? So really quickly I just want to let you know
who this video is for and who it’s not for. So if you are an adult survivor of some sort
of childhood trauma, complex trauma, childhood abuse, any type of childhood abuse whether
that be emotional abuse, physical, sexual verbal, religious abuse, cult abuse, ritual
abuse, any type of the abuse during childhood and you are now an adult you’re over 18 –this
video is for you. So who’s this video not for this video is
not for trolls, not for cyber bullies and not for people who are not in a place where
they can receive care and compassion or give care and compassion. So if you’re here live for live Q&A –give
yourself a thumbs up on this video or if this channel has been helpful to you please give
this video a thumbs up and if you are triggered or you’re not in a place where you can receive
care and compassion, just pause the video, stop the video, step away from the video,
receive the compassionate care that you need by reaching out to our friends over at RAIIN(the
Rape Abuse Incest National Network) or by dialing 1-800-656 HOPE or you can reach
out to the Crisis Text Line by texting the word HELP to 741-741.So we have a live discussion
going on over in the YouTube chat box and we also have a live discussion going on on
Twitter right now using the #NoMoreShame. So we’ve all just been coming here every week
for over 3 years now and we all support one another and again you are welcome here with
us even if you’ve never felt like you belong or that you’re struggling and you just don’t
really fit in anywhere, you belong here. So everyone deserves kind and passionate care
so please do show compassion and kindness to anyone that’s new here and if you are new
welcome, welcome and if you’ve been here every week for 3 years welcome. I’m super excited that you’re here and I
hope that I can add value to your life in some way tonight. So really quickly let me see if I’ve forgotten
to tell you anything. Please read the video description down below
this video if you are here to participate in the live discussion that way you know what
we’re talking, you know the direction this conversation is going in and you can be prepared
and if you are here live and you are on multiple social media platforms, please copy onto your
clipboard the crisis health information for the Rape Abuse Incest National Network or
for and that way you can paste it quickly for someone who might be
in crisis. So you guys are the reason this community
is so helpful and transformational and powerfully healing so I just want to say thank you, thank
you especially to our volunteers, to moderators and we’re sending. (Excuse me, it think I have a little bit of
the hiccups before I went live so pardon me if I’m like hiccupping in your guy’s ears. I hope, I tried holding my breath so hopefully
that will happen but…) we’re sending a lot of love and care and compassion to our
friend Dawn tonight and just send her some cyber hugs or hello or some virtual confetti
or safe hugs or whatever it is that you like to send her or “Were thinking of you, Dawn
and we love you so much.” and just a really huge hi-fives to Matt who is our moderator
tonight and thank you to all of you guys that show up on the comment section of these videos
after the fact throughout the week throughout late, late, late Monday night, early Tuesday
all the way through Monday mornings, I just appreciate you guys being there in the comments
section, giving me your feedback, supporting one another. You guys are incredible and just a friendly
reminder: When we have bullies and trolls that are on our channel and they’re leaving
ugly comments, please don’t engage with them, please don’t even entertain their nonsense. If someone is in a place where they are being
a bully or being rude or unkind or vulgar or abusive –please don’t engage with them,
please don’t ask them questions, please don’t send them pertinent information, please don’t
discuss things with them, just ignore, just ignore it and move on with your day, no need. I really appreciate you guys being kind and,
and commenting and being sweet and supportive but it’s not going to do any of us any good
if we try to egg on people or ask them questions or especially after the fact like once they’ve
already gone away so thank you, thank you all for being here. I’m going to dive in next to tonight’s
topic which is depression. I’m going to read you a question from one
of our community members. Really quickly I’m going to go over and just
see who is here and just greet some people and say hi, anyone who’s asked questions so
far. So Heroes don’t wear capes Hello. Hello Poppy. Hello Paul. Hello John. Hello Hunter. Hello Joey. Hello Ann. Hello Julie. Hello Gary and anyone else who might be here
already. Oh my goodness! We have like fifty of you guys here so far
and we’re only like 10 minutes into this so super exciting you guys, our community is
growing by leaps and bounds. I was looking at our analytics today on the
channel and just since February we have 1500 new subscribers to the YouTube channel and
we have a million minutes watched on our channel just since February so that’s super encouraging
and I just want to say thank you because again you guys are the reason why this is so amazing
so all the credit goes to you guys –this amazing community and I’m just excited to
be a part of this with you. So I’m going to go ahead and I have screens
share tonight for you guys so getting to screen share mode. I don’t know if you guys, some of you have,
tell me that you have journals and you get out and you take notes. I’m going to go ahead and start with tonight
screen share. I’m going to go ahead and read through it
and please get your questions in sometime between now and the next 45 minutes. So whatever questions come up that you want
asked I will get to as many of them as possible before 10:30 PM Eastern,7:30 PM Pacific and
just get them in within the next 45if you can ok? So let me see if I can get tonight’s screen
share ready for you guys. I have it here and can you, just let me know
if you can see our screen share –its “Sadness or Depression” Live Q&A. I’m hoping you guys can see, give this video
a thumbs up and if you guys want to invite anybody that you know that’s on social media
right now that might benefit from this, that might be living with depression or be struggling
with questions “Am I sad? Am I depressed? What is it that’s going on with me?” Then please by all means invite them. We have some really helpful tips and some
support strategies for anyone that’s living with depression. So hopefully you can see this. Let me just get a drink of water really quick
you guys. Ok, so community member ‘R’ asks, “Athena… Why is it unable to help myself when I feel
down…I’m struggling with knowing if I am just sad or if I’m truly experiencing “DEPRESSION”? Also, I’m feeling super ashamed of my general
inability to act like other people. Why can’t I just feel good and normal all
the time like other people I know?” So first of all, you guys know me and I’m
going to point out that we’re shooting ourselves all over the place. I should be able to feel good and normal all
the time like other people I know. So it’s super easy for us to fall into that
trap of what I see online is I see a lot of people feeling good and normal all the time
which is impossible nobody feels good and normal all the time besides what in the world
is normal anyway right? So it’s easy for us to fall into that trap
of comparing ourselves to others which is totally a trap. By the way you guys when we compare ourselves
to others, it is super counterproductive and we begin feeling super depressed even more
depressed than we were before or at the very least more sad. So I’m going to go ahead and dive right in
tonight because it is kind of a loaded topic and there’s a lot of information in research
that I have on this topic. So what an excellent and applicable question
for the millions of adults who may either someday be watching this video or who are
currently living with mental illness or unresolved complex trauma. Childhood abuse and complex trauma have a
long list of potential aftereffects ranging from visible to emotional to spiritual and
relational –depression is one of those aftereffects… So you guys I’m going to pause right there
and I’m just going to let you know, ok? Down in the bottom of this particular screen
share that I’m doing, I’m going to go and I’m going to give you some recommendations
and I’m going to discuss further like sadness versus depression. Also if you want to pause really quick and
go over to the description section of this video down below this video at the very, very,
very towards the bottom you will see a clinical description from the Diagnostic Statistical
Manual of Mental Illness 5thedition, the dsm-5 you will see what it says about depression
and you will also see 3 links. Now you guys know about websites –our very
dear friend Jodie–one last kick Jodie, she writes for The Mighty, The Mighty is an awesome,
awesome website for anyone living with mental illness and its, it’s reach is, there are
just, there are so many readers on The Mighty, they have such a wide reach, global reach. So they have a playlist on YouTube specifically
on depression, they have an entire section of their, of their website on depression,
tons of people’s stories and they also have a section on Facebook like area where you
can join and, and take part in discussion only on the topics of depression and then
down further in this screen share we’re going to go through lots of different ways where
you can easily just wherever you’re at right now Google certain phrases and feel better
today if you are living with depression. So here we get, so adults who were abused
as children –I’m right here … Adults who were abused as children have twice the risk
of developing clinical depression as adults who were not abused during childhood. The Mayo Clinic describes depression as “a
mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depressive disorder or clinical
depression, it that’s how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional
and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day
activities, and sometimes you may feel as if life just isn’t worth living. More than just a bout of the blues, depression
isn’t a weakness and you cannot simply ‘snap out’ of it.” Survivors of childhood abuse are more susceptible
to depression because of potential brain damage suffered, attachment trauma or abandonment
experienced during adolescent years, lack of distress tolerance, impaired self-worth
and lack of self-soothing skills. Pete Walker discusses susceptibility to depression
and how it can take the form of gnawing hunger or extreme sleepiness in adult survivors of
complex trauma. I highly recommend checking out Pete’s groundbreaking
work on his website and in his book Complex PTSD, From Surviving
to Thriving. So here are the 7 ways that we can know if
we or our loved ones are living with depression, screenshot this on your phone, ok? I want you to screenshot this and keep it
handy so, and then we get down to the 2ndsection of this where you can feel better today, I
want you to screenshot that also. So if you’re on your mobile device, please
screenshot this if you possibly can or take some notes, pause the video if you need to. I’m going to keep it here on this particular
area so that you can take your time, learn how to screen shot if you don’t know how
to screen shot, do whatever it is you need to do because you guys are the priority, this
is for you and I want you to be equipped and feel better today ok? Number 1… This is, these are 7 ways you can know if
you or your loved ones are living with depression …
Number 1: Persistent digestive issues, body aches and pains which were not present before. Number 2: Sudden or recent change in eating
behaviors such as overeating or loss of appetite. Now I want to be really careful when I talk
about this one number 2, this is not to be confused with any of us who are living with
an eating disorder –if there’s anorexia, nervosa, if there’s bulimia, if there’s binge
eating disorder, there’s any three of those eating disorders or eating behaviors that
are going on in your life right now then please automatically assume that you have depression
because you’ve had a change in your eating behavior when in fact you might be living
with some sort of eating disorder ok, just wanted to add that note there. Number 3: Sudden shift in demeanor or overall
signs of hopelessness or despair –it may seem like your loved one could sleep all day
or feel like “why bother getting out of bed?”(Maybe even the feeling of not being
able to even get out of bed) Number 4: Noticeable change in mood surrounding
activities or things that they find pleasure in—a sudden lack of interest in the activities,
people or events that they normally enjoy, –feelings of emptiness no matter what they
do –having fun is literally impossible no matter how hard they try or how hard loved
ones try to cheer them up—they’re just unable to enjoy anything at all. Number 5: Noticeable bouts of silence, irritability
or anxiousness, sudden onset of restlessness or being unable to relax, sometimes discussed
or described as just being “bored” but in a way that seems grumpy or snappy and out
of character even though they’re unable to accurately describe in words what is bothering
them, ultimately isolation takes over and the will to try to feel better is completely
lost. Number 6: Shift in outlook on life –noticeable
pessimism, catastrophizing, negativity about the present and the future, and overall vibe
of “why bother” leading ultimately to feeling completely stuck with no words to
describe why they feel stuck followed by an overwhelming numbness to feelings. Now I want to pause here on number 6 you guys,
right here and I want to hone in on these words right here with “no words to describe
why they feel stuck” ok? This is a big one, this is a big one, this
isn’t the most important one but I want to really drive this home because if we are
sad versus being depressed and I’m talking from a clinical perspective here ok? I’m talking from a trauma-informed practitioner’s
perspective. If my client is stuck and we are working together
–there is not as much concern on my end for my client if they’re able to engage in
a conversation with me describing in words what it is that is bothering them, what it
is that they feel may be the reason they are stucked, what it is that is overwhelming them,
what it is that’s bothering them what it is that they’re feeling uneasy about or why they’re
feeling negative or why they’ve had such a shift in their outlook or why their feeling
pessimistic or why they’re frustrated or, or did they have the words, they’re using
words, they’re engaging in a conversation with me and they’re telling me what’s going
on with them –that is going to bring me less concern and less alarm than if one of
my clients has no words, no words to describe why they feel stuck. Now I’m talking about like the hipster sort
of way where you know you’ll see, kind of posts on social –I have no words like that’s
kind of a fun like flippant sort of a catchy hip way to say like “oh no way” like “I
don’t even believe that I have no words”–that’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about a client sitting in front
of me frozen, completely numb, overwhelmed, negative, silent, you have a noticeable change
in mood, they’re having digestive issues, they can’t sleep, they can’t relax, they have
all these things going on and in addition to that, they have no words –that is a huge
red flag for me the practitioner that I need to refer my client to a therapist that specializes
in depression. I need to refer my client to a psychologist
or a psychiatrist, someone that I know on my own personal list of trauma-informed practitioners
that specializes in depression, clinical depression, major depressive disorder, someone who I know
and trust and I know that their clients have had a good outcome because I know at that
moment that this is beyond me, this isn’t, I’m not a practitioner—well I do have private
clients that I take on, I do not specialize in depression, that’s not something I specialize
in. So I really wanted to drive that home on number
6 when, if you’re, if you’re thinking right now and you’re watching this video because
your, one of your children is exhibiting these characteristics, please take note and really
hone in and engage with them and find them professional help if you notice that they
have no words to describe why they’re feeling the way they’re feeling in addition of course
to all the other things that we just described here ok, super-duper important to remember. Moving on to number 7–the last one and of
course this is obvious: Mention suicide –they let you know that, that they are contemplating
killing themselves, contemplating taking their own life. They’re contemplating dying because they just
can’t find the will to live. They don’t want to live any longer or if you’re
noticing self-harm behavior, if you notice that they’re cutting, if you’re noticing scars,
if you’re noticing all the other things that we mentioned 1 through 6. Any mention of a suicide attempt, suicidal
ideation also known as suicidal thoughts or even that constant low-grade fantasy of dying
or falling into a permanent state of sleep just so they don’t have to be in pain all
the time and they’ve mentioned, perhaps you’ve noticed them giving away belongings that mean
a lot to them like if they have like a collection of stamps or coins or they’ve been collecting
beanie babies or they’ve, they have a certain collection of football jerseys or they have
a sticker collection or whatever and you notice that they’re, they have things that really
mean a lot to them but they want to give them away to like their favorite cousin or their
aunt or they even give something like that to you as a gift on a holiday—if they exude
the other 6characteristics and, and hopefully you will have been fully engaged with your
loved one at this point and you will have seen these red flags but please don’t take
these things lightly –these are all signs when they’re all in correlation with one another. This someone could be living with major depressive
disorder, clinical depression and they’re not just sad ok? And so on to the good part of this for the
next, for the next several minutes: How do we feel better today? So first thing you can do is invite your loved
one to view this video. I want you to look at the, at the clock on
the video right now and I want you to write down the time of the video that were on so
they don’t have to sit through all of the welcome and the Hi and they don’t know me,
they don’t like my, my personality, they haven’t been with me for 3 years –what have you
like just make sure they fast-forward to a part where is actually applicable to them
especially if they’re living with depression. They just don’t have any emotional energy
to deal with anything else so invite your loved one to view this video –fast forward
it to this point in the video or maybe even to this point in the video right here. We want them to feel better today so perhaps
fast forward it to this point in the video. Number 2 –Acknowledge that your loved one
may very feel ashamed about feeling depressed. This is so common you guys –it’s not even
the depression that causes us to feel so low, it’s the fact that we’re so ashamed of being
depressed and we are just, we know that the moment we reach out for help–we’re going
to hear the same thing we’ve heard over and over and over again. So please keep in mind that when a loved one
is exuding you know several of those characteristics of the 1 through7 that we just talked about,
they could be feeling ashamed about it as well and that adds to it, it’s like a snowball
effect–it’s, it’s overwhelmed upon overwhelmed. Number 3 –Let your loved one know that you
care about them and that you are a safe place for them to share. Number 4—never say “You’re ok. I felt sad before to. Everyone feels sad.”–this type of comment
is extremely minimizing and it’s very re-traumatizing for someone who could be dealing with depression,
major depressive disorder, clinical depression especially as a result of some sort of childhood
trauma or something that they’ve gone through previously. So please never say “Oh! You’re ok, get over it. It’s all right. Everybody feels sad. It’s all right; you’re going to be fine.”Try,
try not to fall into that trap because it’s, society it’s sort of in that, they sort of
preach this in a way you know that even though we’re very well meaning sometimes –it can
come across in a very minimizing way and it is extremely re-traumatizing. Next bullet point: Try saying out loud if
it’s you or perhaps if it’s you know if this is your loved one but if it’s you who’s feeling
like you could be falling into a depression or you’re in, in a bout of depression right
now –try saying out loud “I am choosing the most emotionally healthy option for me
right now. I am doing my best and my best is good enough.” Just remind yourself that you are choosing
whatever is most emotionally healthy for you right now and that your best is good enough
and guess what? If you’re not doing something –that is the
most emotionally healthy option for you at that moment, you’re going to feel incongruence;
you’re going to feel kind of like a gut feeling of like “Oh! Wait! I’m saying this but this isn’t really what’s
going on in my life.”And so you will likely begin to move in a direction of “Oh well,
what is the most emotionally healthy option for me right now?” Because deductive reasoning would dictate
that we would go “Oh well if I’m choosing the most emotionally healthy option right
now, what is the most emotionally healthy option for me right now? And I am doing my best and my best is good
enough.” It’s really important that we affirm ourselves
that we are enough and that our best looks different on any given day. Next bullet point: Exercise of any kind increases
the level of happiness producing chemicals in our brains –try getting out in nature
every day, even if it’s only for 5 minutes per day. Next bullet point: Breathe deeply 5 times
or once per hour. For instance at 12 o’clock –breathe deeply
5 times, 5 times –it will usually take you about 15 to 20 seconds sometimes 25 seconds
to breathe deeply 5 times and if you do that once per hour like if you have a Fit Bit—you
set a little alarm for it to go buzz on your, on your wrist every hour on the hour. If you just take 5 deep breaths once per hour
–it will increase the level of serotonin in your brain and your cortisol and your adrenaline
will be taking over and causing you to stress out. Next bullet point: Plan to go to bed 30 minutes
earlier than you normally do –this small act of self-care lets our subconscious know
that we consider ourselves worthy of taking care of and this is huge. Anything that you can do to communicate the
message to yourself that you are worthy of taking care of and you are worthy of caring
about is going to help with depression especially if we’re talking about clinical depression
and not just feeling sad. Next bullet point: Care for your body with
a healthy diet. Intentionally consume more whole plant based
foods such as raw cacao, chia seeds and flaxseeds. They contain healthy chemicals which cause
your brain to feel less depressed. Now if you want me to break this down like
molecularly what those, what chia seeds and flax seeds and raw cacao contain is actually
tryptophan. And it’s the type of tryptophan–it’s you’ve
heard tryptophan like on Thanksgiving how turkey is naturally contained tryptophan. Well when you’re consuming raw plant based
food such as raw cacao, chia seeds and flaxseeds which have a high level of tryptophan –it
actually increases another chemical serotonin in your brain which causes you to feel better
and less depressed. So it will, it, the mix of the chemicals –it
has a healthy positive effect on your brain when you, when you actually consume any increased
amount of whole plant based foods but the ones that are, that are high in antioxidants
and like the ones I’ve mentioned here are really, really, really going to help you and
I know… Oh you know, there’s another one of our community
members that mention tofu –anything high in magnesium also is going to help you out
so you can even Google that. Next bullet point: Focus on learning self-soothing
skills to help yourself moderate the feelings of fear and abandonment that may be making
your depression worse. Google “self-soothing skills” and you
will find a whole bunch of memes and images that will help you out. Next bullet point: Prioritize building up
your self-worth as this will help you combat the lies that depression tells us that we
aren’t good enough, we aren’t worthy or were never going to feel better again –these
are all lies so Google the phrase “How to build-up myself-worth” and you’ll find
a whole bunch of articles and a whole bunch of images that will be very encouraging for
you. Next bullet point: Explore ways to increase
your distress tolerance. Fear and high emotion were typically precursors
to abuse in childhood so we may overreact to fear and high emotion. Well just being adults we may, we may overreact
to them, just as a result of anything that was fear-related or any type of high level
of emotion. If it was a precursor to violence in childhood
then it’s going to trigger us on adulthood so learning to sit with our distress and not
react immediately is going to be very, very helpful in combating depression if you are
in fact living with depression so Google the phrase “ways to increase distress tolerance”
or Google the phrase “distress tolerance skills” and you’ll inevitably come up with
a whole bunch of different memes or articles based on, based on DBT(Dialectical Behavior
Therapy) which is amazing for anyone living, recovering from any type of complex trauma. However cognitive behavioral therapy is actually
best for depression so we’re going to move down to that on the next bullet point: Seek
support –Consider accessing help through different forms of therapy and therapeutic
modalities such as play therapy, journaling, spiritual counseling, coaching. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy right here you
guys also known as CBT is considered the best type of therapy for depression but as survivors
we often benefit the most from a supportive group such as the one that you’re in right
now hanging out live with everybody else asking questions, interacting, receiving support
you need. We benefit the most from supportive group
of other trauma survivors. Expressive therapies are also extremely helpful
for trauma survivors. So you guys I want you to Google right here,
Google “free art therapy videos” and you’ll get a whole bunch that come up and you can
look through those–some of them are only 2 minutes long and other ones are longer but
it’s nice for you guys to get free resources ok? Next bullet point: Seek validation, compassionate
dialogue and accountability from other survivors like you’re doing right here during this video
if you’re here live. There can be tremendous healing in seeing
how much your debilitating aftereffects of complex trauma match up with others who have
gone through similar circumstances. Those shackles of shame can fall to the ground
when we hear the words,” Me too…” Next bullet point: Seek medical help… obviously
these videos are not a replacement for medical care) seek professional medical help in all
instances especially if you think you’re living with depression or any type of mental
illness. Seek validation, compassionate dialogue and
accountability from a trauma-informed helping professional –they can help you feel less
alone and they can encourage you in making healthier daily choices through tools like
tracker sheets, journal topics and just by being trauma-informed themselves. Note: Having a trauma-informed professional
to meet with regularly can be life changing for you and even lifesaving. I’ve received some e-mails from you guys lately
asking “What exactly does a trauma informed practitioner look like? What does that even mean?” I will be recording a video as some point
but in the meantime Google the phrase “trauma-informed professional” or “What is trauma-informed?”
and you will get podcast episodes, blog posts on Psych Central, Psychology Today, The Mighty,
you’ll, you’ll get a whole bunch of amazing articles if you Google “trauma-informed
care, trauma-informed professionals, etc.” because you guys deserve to know what that
looks like. Begin to speak out loud or in a virtual setting
or a local support group about your daily and your weekly goals like if you have a goal
of eating healthier food so that you feel less depressed and you know reach out and
you know seek some accountability for some member. Harriet if, Harriet, could you please pop-up
the video on accountability so that people can easily click and link up to that video
on accountability. Seeking accountability is a super-duper-duper
healthy you guys but you’ve got to do, you’ve got to make sure that you understand what
accountability is as it pertains to your healing journey and what it isn’t so click that
link that Harriet pop-ups in the next couple of days or so. It won’t be there right now on Monday the
28th but it’ll be there later but yeah, if you tell you’re someone who’s going to be
like an accountability partner for you, what you’re daily and weekly goals are –you can
start slowly you know implementing these goals and having them hold you accountable, sharing
your truth with those who will provide safe non-judgmental support allows you—the survivor,
you—the person healing from depression to examine your behaviors in the light of day
rather than continuing to keep them locked up in the dark recesses of your mind. Shame—the shame you feel from feeling depressed
or sad or whatever it is that you’re feeling ashamed about—shame cannot survive in community,
ok? It’s amazing what can happen when were in
community with others. Next bullet point :(I’m right here) do your
best to begin intentionally surrounding yourself with those in whom you have identified as
safe people. Making the choice to start eliminating toxic
or shame-inducing people from your sphere of influence is truly one of the most radical
acts of self-love and self-compassion we can make. And remember—safe people are respectful
of your healthy boundaries. Your whole life can change with just these
two components—and what I mean by these two components are safe people and healthy
boundaries, right here ‘safe people and healthy boundaries’. Learning what safe people look like, learning
the red flags of unsafe people and then establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries can be,
it’s just, it’s life changing for you, ok? As an adult survivor, next bullet point right
here: As an adult survivor who is over 18 years of age –know that you are the only
one who will be in control of your recovery and your daily habits. You can choose to maintain relationships with
your family of origin if you choose to do so and you may move as slowly as you wish
in implementing all of these things that will help you start feeling better today. Only you get to determine which choices you
make or the changes that you’re considering –only you (not your family, not your friends,
not your boss not your pastor not your therapist, not your coach and not me) you are the one
that gets to choose so just remember like don’t give your power away, don’t give your
power away to your partner, don’t give your power away to your friends, don’t give your
power away to your, to your family or your boss or your pastor or your therapist, don’t
give that away. You—if you’re over 18, you are responsible
for your own well-being and you are taking really healthy steps towards living a whole
healthy life just by being here and wanting to educate yourself. So don’t discount that –it’s huge that
you’re here on your own accord. If someone didn’t pull you here and make you
be here and yank you in by the ear and you’re here on your own accord then give yourself
a pat on the back, give yourself a thumbs up because not everybody does that ok? This is voluntary and you’re here because
you want to feel better so go you –I’m sending you some hi-fives. Next bullet point right here: Know that your
recovery will likely not be the same as someone else’s. Every single person’s healing journey is unique
and someone else’s specific goals and habits are not going to be something which you necessarily
agree with or that you would choose for yourself. So when we compare ourselves or we compare
our recovery progress to someone else’s –it is rarely helpful and it is often very damaging. So lastly right here: Make the choice to join
in safe community which if you’re here live that’s exactly what you’re doing –it’s no
more and no less than that. If you’re here live on Monday—the 28th of
August at 6:47 PM Pacific,9:47 PM Eastern and you’re participating in a live discussion
on Twitter using the #NoMoreShame or you’re on the YouTube channel and you are in the
chat box and even if you’re not talking, you’re just reading information and you’re just there
so the you can feel better –that’s it, you have joined in safe community right here
–that’s what you’re doing and you’re doing it, you’re doing all the things and I’m sending
you hi-fives. Now if you want to take it to another, another
step like it’s theirs not like free Tupperware or like a cult or anything crazy but we do
have several free groups ok? And we have other low-cost or even no-cost
groups that are especially for adults who are living with CPTSD symptoms. You deserve to receive acceptance, support
and encouragement and when you finally receive non-judgmental support –you will begin to
heal and recover from your trauma at an exponential rate and you will not feel sad or depressed
as often as you do now. There’s strength in numbers choosing to be
actively involved in safe community will help you feel stronger and less ashamed and if
you want to get plugged into virtual safe support community where you can practice new
skills and become adept at creating healthy habits –all you have to do is go over to
the About Section of the YouTube channel – and there in the About section –you’ll see
if you friend Bobbi, you friend me, you can friend Matt and just let us know “I would
like to heal in safe community.” and then we’ll get you plugged in, there is
a waiting list right now. I’m doing the very best I can to reach out
to like 200 people last week and it’s going to take me a few weeks ‘til I get through
everybody. So please, please know that I care and I’m
trying and I’m doing the best I can and lastly: Remember nothing blooms beautifully all year
round. There’s a season for everything. It’s ok for you to take a break –you’re
not weak in fact you are showing strength, just by being here—you’re showing strength
and what I mean here by ‘nothing blooms beautifully all year round’–I’m sort of
tagging on that comment that was made up here which is “Community member ‘R’ wants
to know why can’t I just feel good and normal all the time like other people I know.” No one feels good and normal all the time
–that’s a complete façade. There is, there is absolutely no way that
anybody can, can feel good and normal a 100% of the time. Nobody feels good and normal a 100% of the
time. It’s, some people feel good and normal more
often than others and some people feel good and normal less often than others but no one
feels good and normal all of the time, a 100% of the time, ok? Let me just get some water and then I’m going
to go ahead I’m going answer questions ok? Ok, I have a couple minutes left for guys
to send in your questions –just a couple more minutes and then I’m going to go ahead
and spend some time answering them but I’m going to get to as many as, as many of them
as I possibly can so here we go, ok. John Harvey says, “Is there any food or
herbs you can take along side of your pills that can help fight against depression?” Yes, yes, yes, yes! There are some websites and some YouTube channels
that do like vegan challenges specifically raw vegan challenge and I don’t know if you
guys are into all this kind of stuff but I, I have been sort of on this path lately. Oh Harriet could you pop-up the YouTube card
that talks about nutrition or when I talk about the foods and the nutrition and the
supplements that help Trauma Survivors because that, I talked about anti-inflammatory food
pyramid, I talked about green vegetables, I talked about all the different vitamins
I take and I brought all my vitamins and everything –I held them up to the camera and I showed
you guys what I take so there are definitely different foods. I’ve been sort of doing more like raw, a lot
of raw foods and a lot of vegan foods and you guys, I’m not saying it’s the answer,
it’s the only answer but the science behind it makes sense because a lot of processed
foods are addictive and so if we, if we eat live food for a live body it makes sense and
then the amount of processed chemicals that are in it that are addictive that sort of
like you know do things to our mind and the way we process things it just makes sense. So I have a list of all that in that video
that I need and then I followed a couple of different YouTubers –if you’re interested
let me know. And I’m also starting up a food-based group
like a like trauma, trauma eating like trauma related food issues. Starting up a group in the first of the year
–that’s going to be, it’s going to be a paid group but it’s going to be trauma related
food issues and we’re all going to sort of do live together from food perspective so
that we can sort of heal together and eat the healthiest foods possible. So, but in this particular screen share –I
shared raw cacao, flax seeds, chia seeds, there’s also like kale, spinach and sometimes
you can blend that stuff up and not even taste it. I know for instance we use a lot of kale and
spinach in our smoothies and you can’t even taste it because we either use some stevia
which is a natural plant that naturally tastes sweet and it’s not sugar and it’s not corn
syrup and it’s not sweet and low and it’s not sucralose and saccharine and it’s not
all those other things –it’s just a plant and I mix it with fruits and just been doing
a lot of raw like raw and vegan foods and I just feel so much better and it’s lifted
my spirits and I do sort of struggle with a little bit of depression and I know that,
I know I’m not alone and I know that it’s trauma-related. I know it’s because of the abuse I incurred
as a child. I know it’s not just being sad because I’m
not really a sad person but when you live with depression, you live with depression
and you can’t just will yourself to feel better and do better like it’s all the things that
I mentioned in this video on the screen share. So yes, yes, yes! There are foods and I’m hoping that helps
you John Harvey. Sabra says, “Is there any trick to fight
against depression?” Well, there’s not any one trick but there
are several things that will fight depression that I mentioned in the screen share so I
hope that you found that helpful because I listed everything I know and everything I
researched like I listed it all there in the screen share. Garry Pfeiffer says (and by the way, Thank
you, John Harvey and thank you Sabra for asking questions that are excellent questions so
that everybody can learn) Garry Pfeiffer says, “I was always depressed before recovering
memories of my abuse so I had no idea why I felt the way I did. Nobody was able to help me –what could I
have done? Now I’m ok.” Well in the screen share that I shared like
there are just a lot of things that we can do that are very almost counterintuitive things
like it’s not necessarily you know the most common thing possible that people can think
of –to eat more chia seeds, flaxseed or raw cacao. It’s not necessarily the most common thing
that people think –to breathe deeply 5 times once per hour or “Oh! I know I suck at life and I’m failing at life. I know I’m going to go outside for 5 minutes.” like it’s like the last thing we want to do
but if we just choose to do the healthiest thing possible –there are lasting benefits. So again like I know that this video is going
to get a whole bunch of thumbs down probably because they’re like “We all know all
this stuff.” Like that’s the critic inside my head – “We
already know everything. What are you talking about?” but I mean
–these are just the things, I mean –I, I’ve spent a long time researching this
because it’s something I live with so I hope that the things I mentioned on the screen
share are things that you guys have either not tried yet or you have tried and you’re
like “Hey! I think I do remember that like that did help
and I, maybe I just needed to go back to doing that again.” You know and just something as simple as you
know –just saying out loud “I am choosing the healthiest option possible right now.” And then checking in with yourself like “Is
that congruent? Am I really choosing the healthiest option
right now and if I’m not what could I be choosing now? And just sort of hold yourself accountable
in that way and again it sounds simple but it’s just not –it’s not simple, it’s not
easy, it’s just not. First of all, were all healing from trauma
that isn’t even something we brought on ourselves like it’s something somebody else
did and so that’s frustrating and that’s depressing. So hopefully, hopefully that helps. I’m glad you’re feeling good now though. I’m glad you’re feeling better now –that’s
awesome. Joey says, “The last weeks –I have been
not wanting to eat. I have to force myself to eat. Lately I have been only eating once per day,
could this be related to my depression?” You know it could, it could Joey. It really could be related to your depression
I mean I don’t have any way of knowing because I’m not you know seeing you on a clinical
basis but I would definitely mention it to your therapist for sure and you guys –keeping
a journal especially if you don’t see your mental health practitioner on a regular basis,
keeping a journal is super-duper-duper helpful for the practitioners. For any of you who have a therapist, you have
a counselor, you have a psychiatrist, you have a psychologist–when you choose to keep
a journal of things or you keep a tracker sheets (Oh! Matt, if you, I know you’re juggling like
a bazillion different things right now but you have some tracker sheets and you have
links to tracker sheets that are on your website – surviving my If you were to do those types of tracker sheets
and just like, just all of it is like an X or some of it’s like writing a couple of words
–those things help your practitioner know that like maybe you’re living with treatment
resistant depression or maybe there’s just something that they can change like if you’re,
if you’re taking an SSRI, if you have any type of medication that you’re taking you
know if you do a tracker sheet and then they see some similarities or like some patterns
–they can say, “Oh! Well, you know I noticed during this particular
week –this is what was going on with you like was there something different?” And then it could be something environmental,
it can be something dietary, it could be something work-related, it can be weeks that you like,(I’ve
had people tell me that the weeks that they’re here and they’re showing up and they’re hanging
out with everybody –they actually feel better than the weeks that they don’t.) And so you’ll be able to know those things
if you keep it on a tracker sheets or just keep it on a journal you know. So that’s really helpful but yeah! Joey, it definitely could, that could definitely
be the case for sure. I don’t want you to feel like you’re all alone
and that there’s nothing you can do because that definitely could be the case for sure. I don’t have any way of knowing but it’s definitely
a possibility. I hope that helps. Ann says, “Is there warning signs for depression
coming on? It always feels like I’m instantly t-boned
by depression. No warning signs that I know of or notice.” I think that maybe like just like those 7
that I mentioned –we don’t really think about that stuff sometimes. We don’t think like “Oh like my, my diet
is changed. Well I’m just not that hungry.” Like I know for me personally –Mondays like
when I’m here like on a Monday with you guys I’m here and I’m full-on and I’m here and
I’m fully present and I’m all in and I’m here with you guys but the time leading up to me
being here with you depending on if I’m feeling triggered while doing research or
if I’m overwhelmed with like other job duties or what, what else I have going on in my life
–I forget to eat and/or that and like for a day or after a Monday night video I’m
like feeling like I, I can’t get out of bed or like “What’s wrong with me?” And it’s because I’m not taking care of
myself because I throw everything that I am into, into the work I’m doing and I’m not
practicing what I preach, I’m not walking my talk, I’m not going to bed 30 minutes earlier,
I’m staying up later doing research, I’m not eating a balanced diet with chia seeds
and flaxseeds and cacao and kale and spinach and taking my vitamins like today I forgot
to take my B12like I always take a B12, I forgot to take my B12 and I know every single
time I forget to take my B12 that I don’t feel is good. I feel like I don’t have any energy. I feel like jittery and exhausted and weird
and all the things mentioned in the depression but I’m not saying I have depression because
I didn’t take the B12 but like “What are some warning signs?” like so that, so that we don’t get t-boned
like Ann says –I would say sort of having like a checklist of those 7 things that I
mentioned and then things that you know help you like for me waking up at a certain time
and setting aside just a little bit of extra time to sit and have quiet time with my husband
whether that’s praying for our community or if it’s like reading scripture or reading
something motivational or inspirational or going for a little bit of a walk like if I
don’t do all the things that I know make me feel great then I get t-boned. So if I keep a list of all the things that
make me feel great especially when I do them all in conjunction with one another then I’m
not going to get t-boned in sideswiped and taken out and like laid out in bed for 3 days
because sometimes that happens you guys, sometimes it just does. I am healing right alongside you. I never claimed to have it all together. I am here with you guys not like talking at
you, I’m talking with you because I’m doing this with you, were doing live together. So at least once a week were doing live together. So I hope that’s helpful. Julie says, “Why is it so hard for me to
do anything when I am depressed? All I want to do is sit and watch YouTube
and play games all day.” Well it’s because the chemicals in your
brain are not like, we all have neurotransmitters and we all have things that are going on in
our brain and you know there, our bodies are so intricate, there are so many chemicals
and it can be just the slightest imbalance and it can cause us to just feel like we just
can’t get out of bed or we have no motivation whatsoever and interestingly things can be
environmental. I know we’ve talked a little bit about like
seasons here on our channel a couple of times but it can also be relational like and with
women it can be hormonal. So I’m not pretending to know your hormones
or your environment or, or your relationships or anything Julie but I am saying like for
me and for most of my clients and for most of the people I know if I were to look or
if they were to look like a snapshot on any given day like “What’s going on seasonally? What’s going on relationally? What’s going on dietary? What’s going on with my sleep schedule? What’s like what are, what are the things
like what’s going on with like my hormones?” So sometimes it’s just the slightest thing
and it can cause us to just be wiped out. And back to Ann’s question about warning
signs: Ann I have one, I have one that might work for you guys but I don’t know if it works
for anybody but me but I get a little tickle in the back of my throat not like where you
feel like you have to go like clear your throat but like a different, it’s higher up, it’s
higher up almost towards like my larynx or something like above my esophagus and I can
feel and it’s almost like something’s connected to that little spot that I’m talking and it
like touches the back of my sinus and then it touches like the top of my head or like
back by my ears –it’s almost like ears-nose-throat something like there’s just a weird, almost
like a, like a palsy sort of a feeling and I’m like “Oh! I’m getting ready to like not be ok. I can feel it.” and so when that happens
–I drink a lot of water. I try to find some like emergency or something
with a lot of vitamin C in it. I know that kale has a lot of vitamin C. I
know something with just a lot of anti-oxidants like cherries, dark, those dark cherries that
you can get at Costco for super cheap. I’ll just make like a smoothie but with nothing
in it except for like a cup of orange juice, water and cherries because it’s like all Vitamin
C, it’s like a vitamin C like booster blast or something or even like a cherry lime like,
like you know how like Sonic like I remember on the mainland, we, I don’t know if you guys
still do but we had Sonic and they’re like a cherry limeade and dark cherries with like
some lime juice like a quarter cup of lime juice with just some water and then all just
make like a slushy and I’ll just sit back and I’ll just drink it and I’ll just force
myself to sit still and do that then I know like “Ok! I’m not going to get taken out.” Now I know that I’m talking a lot about like
vitamin C and what does that have to do with depression? But if our immune system is, is strong and
we’re getting enough rest and were drinking enough fluids and all of that –it really,
when were overly exhausted, depression will take us out, it’ll punch us in the face like
seriously. So I hope that helps you Julie and you Ann. Deborah says, “I deal with ideation of BPD,
CPTSD and dissociation. Are there signs or difference between the
3 that I can look for?” I need to know what you mean by ideation of
BPD, CPTSD and dissociation like you deal with thoughts of borderline, thoughts of complex
trauma, and thoughts of dissociation. I’m not a 100% certain what you mean Deborah
so just clarify and then I’ll come back to it for sure. Sorry about that, I’m just, I want to make
sure I answer your question as good as possible like so that it helps you. Joey says, “Lately I’ve been having more
trouble with taking a shower. I have new memories of abuse in the shower. Is this common with depression and am I the
only one? First question: Is this common with depression? I’m not sure if having memories of being of
abused in the shower is common with depression. But are you the only one? No! I personally live with depression surrounding
personal hygiene specifically bathroom stuff because a lot of my abuse, it was very, very,
very traumatizing for me to be in bathroom when I was younger. I was either, there’s abuse that happened
to me in the bathroom several times or there was a lot of screaming and yelling through
the bathroom door because I wasn’t worthy of being a human who was allowed to take a
shower like I had to only take a 5-minute shower even though I had hair down to my waist
like no one with hair down to their waist can possibly clean their entire body and wash
and condition their hair and go to the bathroom and brush their teeth in 5 minutes like there’s
just, it’s impossible but when someone’s screaming at you, you’re doing all you can
to be perfect and so that’s sort of like, that is more to answer your question specifically
Joey I don’t think that has as much to do with depression as it does PTSD. So but PTSD plus depression equals like that’s
a big deal. A lot of people end up with suicidal ideation
when they’re living with depression and PTSD because being triggered and then on top of
being triggered being depressed and not being able to do anything about it and then add
in all the hopelessness and you end up with suicidal ideation. So I say all that to say this: You need to
reach out professional help for sure, guys needs to reach out, you guys deserve trauma-informed
care, you deserve professional help and you need it like these videos are not enough you
need to reach out for professional help and I think that the stuff with the bathroom has
less to do with depression and more to do with PTSD and that’s just my personal lived
experience my even, even my own clinical perspective. I hope that was helpful. Grace Hope says, “I often wonder what it
is like to be happy and if I will be depressed and sad for the rest of my life and if I will
even know what happy is.” Grace Hope I’m so sorry you’re feeling this
way. This is a common thing that my clients will
say to me. They’re like “How am I going to know what
is normal even look like? What is healthy and happy even look like? I don’t know what healthy and happy looks
like. I don’t know what normal is and am I ever
going to feel normal.” And I want to tell you this: Yes I believe
you well. You are here every week or as often as you
can be. You’re doing the hard work (Hold on. I need a sip of water. Hold on a second, sorry guys) Ok, you guys
are doing all you can do –I’m talking to you Grace. I don’t think that how you’re feeling right
now is going to be forever you and I were messaging privately about some different clinical
possibilities and treatment possibilities and I really have high hopes for those. And yeah, I don’t I want to encourage all
of you guys that the way you’re feeling today is temporary –it’s a season even if you’ve
been in this the season for quite some time. For instance I have a client –this is a
great example Grace Hope. So I have a client who’s been feeling pretty
low for about a year and a half. Well this particular client just message to
me and actually was like rather long email letting me know “Hey I did some different
things. I’m having some favorable results and I wanted
to check in with you to see if it’s possible to be that these things are causing these
types of favorable results.” and so she messaged me and said “You know
I was feeling this way for about a year and a half and then I started doing this, this
and this and just like within a week I was feeling better is that even possible? I don’t even want to get my hopes up Athena
like is it possible?” And the answer that I wrote back is “Yes! It’s absolutely possible, 100%” And some
of the things that she was doing was she went on like a Social Media Sabbatical and I know
I’ve talked with you guys about this previously and this is not a popular topic because many
of you love social media and it’s your only means of support and you don’t have like really
healthy awesome trauma-informed practitioner and so you get all of your support or social
media –the majority of your support through social media and so I’m not trying to say
cut yourself off and like don’t receive the support you need because you need support
but some of the things that she wrote to me were: She went on a Social Media Sabbatical
so she was off on social media. I want to say she said it was for 3 days or
4 days. She slept like 4 extra hours each night than
she normally has been sleeping because she wasn’t sleeping very much, drinking extra
fluids and (what was the other one? It was like one more thing.) Interacted socially like force yourself to
interact socially like where there could only be like positive outcome like I think she
went to like a coffee shop or a diner or something and to where the person that waited on her
was kind to her or she asked for something and they can’t tell you “No!” and then
you pay and they give you what you asked for and, and just those few things that Social
Media Sabbatical, the interacting live in a, in a live social setting and having it
go favorably, setting yourself up for success in that way, sleeping more, drinking more
fluids. I mean I wish I could show you this email. I mean obviously my client emails are confidential
and I would never do that but like I’m just saying you guys I was so… First of all, I was so encouraged by this
email and to know that a few key things have such an immediate dramatic result I mean it
was, she felt as though like her, like her medication was changed or like she was a different
person –that’s, that’s the drasticness of it and all it was a Social Media Sabbatical:
more sleep, extra fluids and social interaction intentionally where the outcome was only able
to be favorable which we’ve talked about on videos previously where you set yourself up
for a good situation socially like whether that’s going to a drive through, ordering
something, having someone be nice to you, pay for it—they give it to you, that’s it,
that’s a successful experience, not everybody does those things, not everybody leaves their
house. There are a lot of people that are here on
our channel that stay in their homes. They do not interact with other humans. They are afraid to interact with other humans
because their PTSD is so, so, so, so, so, so debilitating and because they’re living
with depression and because they have social anxiety that is just unbearable and they don’t
even go to their therapy appointments like they cancelled their therapy appointments. So I’m telling you that this particular client
felt like a new human and all she did was (I can’t remember if it was 3 days or 4
days on social media, off of social media) and intentionally just caring for herself,
drinking more fluid intentionally, resting when she felt like resting, she slept on an
average of 4 hours more per night and intentionally went out into the world and had a favorable
social experience, twice or once or twice. So and she felt like someone gave her pills
like to like happy pills like she just felt happier and good and whole and, and better. So if you get nothing else out of this video
other than that story that’s real that just happened then please like take that for what
it’s worth. So, I mean Grace Hope, I hope that gives you
some hope like I know how you’re feeling, how you described it to me previously –I
have great hope from what you’ve shared with me privately about some treatment options
that you’re considering and just a success story from this client that I shared with
you –it’s just, it’s been, it’s been almost like miraculous seriously so please don’t
give up you guys. Please do not give up. Gary says, “The key to my recovery from
depression is giving up holding all the negative stuff down letting it release despite my fear
that it will destroy me, does this relate to others?” Oh my goodness! Yes, yes, yes, yes! Gary I’m telling you I have at least 1 or
2 emails every single week for 3 years of people telling me, “I feel better just releasing
all the things I’ve been holding onto.” just sharing them in an e-mail sending them
to you like usually the email starts out with something like “I’m hoping this email
won’t be very long. Please excuse it if it is. I’ve never said anything to anybody and
I’m 70 years older—I’m65or I’m 55 or I’m 72 or I’m 48 or I’m 38 or whatever. I’ve never told a living soul all the stuff
that I’m about ready to tell you.” –that’s how the email starts and by the
time they get to the bottom they’re like “I feel better.” Like there’s really something to be said for
that and I don’t know if you guys take advantage of this as much as you possibly could but
I have 90 seconds of talk therapy available to anyone on my website and there is something
to be said for talk therapy. I have a little button on the bottom of my
website –it doesn’t matter if you’re on a cellphone, a tablet or a computer if you
click –you can record your voice telling me your story, sharing something you’ve never
shared before to me a stranger who will never meet you probably and just getting it out
and not holding it in anymore and it limits you to 90 second and then, and then some of
my regulars will be like “My last message got cut-off. I’ll try to wrap it up.” And they’ll leave me several messages and
I never mind when you guys do that, it’s totally fine but there’s something to be said for
talk therapy. There’s something to be said for that –just
speaking, just talking out loud or I know I have a colleague you know. Well, we’ll be talking about like ok, I’m
just spitballing here, I’m just, I’m just throwing ideas out here, I’m just thinking
out loud. There’s, there’s transformation that happens,
there’s a light bulb moment that happens and Gary, I love that you said that that’s the
key for you (I think that’s the word you use) it’s the key, the key to my recovery from
depression is giving up holding all the negative stuff down letting it release despite my fear
that it will destroy me you know you guys it’s like I remember laying on top of my bed
frozen, afraid to look under my bed knowing that if I looked under my bed that there would
be something scary down there and just being paralyzed laying on top of my bed afraid to
look under my bed knowing that if I looked under my bed that something scary would get
me and it would be like that movie Poltergeist like who lets their children watch the movie
Poltergeist, who does that? Oh my gosh! It’s horrible. Or like that movie IT I mean come on you guys
that’s horrible so I remember laying there on top of my bed –just paralyze, just paralyze
like I can’t look under my bed because it’s going to be something really scary under there
or like I can’t turn on the light because if I turn on the light something scary will
be there. I can’t look in the closet and then I’ll
just get like maybe once every 5 years and your little, you get your guts up and you’re
just like “You know what? No! I’m going to turn on the flashlight. I’m going to turn on the light. I’m going to look under the bed and you
look and there’s nothing there and you feel better, you like conquer your fear. So there’s something to be said for Gary’s
strategy here. There’s something to be said for Gary’s
–the key to his recovery not holding it down even though he thinks it’s going to
destroy him, he lets it out and that’s been true for me. So the last part of your question Garry, the
last part of your question was “Does this relate to others?” it relates to me—I’m
another, I’m others but I’m willing to bet that it relates to some people over in
the chat box right now. I bet you anything—people are like “Me
too! Me too! Yes, yes, yes!” or they’re willing got
try it perhaps. So heroes don’t wear capes says, “I found
myself hunting down and documenting evidence from when I was trafficked just in case my
abuser ever killed me. It was strange I didn’t put that energy into
trying to find safety.” Yes! You know I can totally relate to that and
I want to just allow, I want to allow you to release yourself from that responsibility
for a minute heroes don’t wear capes because you know—the reason we don’t put that much
energy into being safe is because we truly believe when we’re being abused that there
is no such thing as safe. There’s, there’s, it were, were sort of
frozen when we’re being abused and when we’re adults and we’re hunting down all that stuff
–we truly feel that if we find the answer to what it is that were pouring all this energy
into, that’s it’s going to sort of like help us like be able to breathe and go “Ok! It’s real. It really is real. It really did happen and it really is valid
and I needed that.” and then the next step is moving towards like
being safe. Sometimes we can’t move towards being safe
or put all of our energy into being safe unless we really believe that it’s valid and that
it really happened and if, if our abusers were in our family of origin the people who
trafficked us, the people who abused us, the people who scapegoated us, the people who
manipulated us or mind-controlled us, if they were in our family of origin or they were
people who we trusted then we might not even believe like surely, surely that it didn’t
happen otherwise someone would have stopped it and someone would have said something and
we like rationalize the whole thing thinking that it couldn’t have been the way we remember
it because if it was the way we remember it –someone would have never let that happen,
it would never happened ever and so we almost like we have to like prove that it did first
and then we can put that energy into feeling safe. So I just want to release you from that responsibility
of doing everything in like a perfect order –the way your adult mind thinks that perfect
order is when at the time you were a child and then when you’re trying to figure it all
out you’re still traumatized. So our child brain and our trauma brain are
way different than our wise brain. So I just wanted, I’m going to leave that
right there for you so that you don’t shad yourself all over the place because I felt
some shamey, some shameness going on there. I felt some shaming –it was a little shamy
the way you worded that and I don’t want you shaming yourself because you don’t deserve
that. Sparkle girl87 says, “How do you deal with
the physical depressions symptoms?” Oh! That’s a good question. Let’s see so I would say that, number 1:
I would be kind to myself so if physically I’m feeling like I can’t get out of bed or
I can’t brush my teeth or I can’t take a shower or I can’t eat, drink a lot of
water. I can’t, I just, am feeling like I just can’t
then I would be kind to myself and be like “You know what? I feel like I can’t right now and I’m not
going to shame myself into doing it. I’m going to allow myself to lay here for
as long as I need to lay here so that I don’t shame myself.” and then when I’m done being kind of myself
that I’m intentionally not shaming myself then I would do all the things that were talking
about on the video like eating more plant-based, eating more raw, eating raw cacao which by
the way don’t eat a lot of raw cacao at nighttime… Fun Fact: It has like natural chemicals like
in it like acts like caffeine so it tastes like chocolate by the way which is where cocoa
comes from, the cocoa leaf and like cacao is like similar but different… So yeah! Don’t have, have that at night time if you’re
having trouble sleeping because I learned that the hard way. But eating more raw, eating more vegan, eating
more plant-based… there’s a whole video. Gosh! Harriet! I think Harriet had already popped-up to the
YouTube card if you’re watching a replay and Harriet’s going to link down all the videos
below as well if you’re watching a replay but I did a whole video on like anti-inflammatory
foods and ways that we can feel better physically and tackle like the physical symptoms that
we deal with as trauma survivors. So I, might not be exactly what you’re looking
for but that’s kind of all I really know like that’s what I’m doing and it’s helping me
and it’s helping my clients and I wish I could like give you more awesomeness Sparkle girl87. I don’t, I don’t know, just being kind to
yourself, drinking lots of fluids, getting extra rest, eating anti-inflammatory foods,
eating whole goods, vegan foods, raw foods, taking a B12, all the things that we mentioned
earlier. Let’s see. Oh! Deborah! Deborah’s question earlier, ok! Deborah’s question earlier says, “I deal
with the feeling of worth, value and purpose.” (Oh my goodness!) So her first question was, “I deal with
ideation of BPD, CPTSD and dissociation, are there signs and differences between the 3
that I can look for?” And then the follow-up was, “The feeling
of worth, value and purpose and I just don’t know what any of that means.” And I’m so like thick-brained and it’s totally
my fault Deborah—it’s not your fault, you didn’t do anything wrong. I just don’t know. No clue. I don’t know how to answer that. Let me try to piece it together because I
have 4 minutes left here on this video. So I deal with the feeling of worth, value
and purpose, are there differences between the 3 that I can look for? I don’t know. I’m so sorry—I can’t. Deborah if you could email me [email protected]
that would be amazing—just ask me like a longer like question, that way I can answer
it and maybe I’ll leave you a speak write or leave me a speak write message on my website— and just click and just talk and then I’ll just respond and just talk
back to you and it’ll be fine hopefully. One last question: Marilena says, “Athena,
is being afraid to go to sleep and then not wanting to rise in the morning part of depression
or is that more PTSD?” So honestly, it feels a little bit more like
PTSD to me because a lot of people living with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder that have
nightmares, night terrors or it could even be like CPTSD-type. I know that that wasn’t one of your things
that you mentioned but like emotional flashbacks are real thing if were dealing with complex
trauma and so if you are being feeling afraid to fall asleep because of something that happens
in the middle of the night and then feeling exhausted from not sleeping well and not wanting
to wake up in the morning –that could be a result of emotional flashbacks or night
terrors or like a combination of all of it. Now feeling afraid to fall asleep isn’t
necessarily something that’s only depression-related but it is 1 of the 7, right? Like restlessness—not being able to relax
and then feeling like you don’t want to get out of bed, that is a part of depression
and it’s sort of listed as 1 of the 7 as well so it could be depression and it could
be PTSD or it could be both and I know that doesn’t help you but I think what I would
do Marilena is, I think it’s Madilena—Madilena Diaz, I think is who asked this question so
I would look at the other 6 symptoms on depression and see if all of those correlate and if so,
I would look deeply into reaching out to your therapist, your practitioner –talking to
them about clinical depression, major depressive disorder and mentioning to them that you’re
afraid to go to sleep at night, you’re having trouble, you have restlessness and the way
the restlessness is manifesting itself is through being afraid to fall asleep and then
you don’t have the will to get out of bed in the mornings and I think one of the main
things that I would focus Marilena is I would be like “Well, do I have any words to describe
all these things that I’m feeling or do I just have no words like I just can’t describe
why I have no will to live or no will to do anything like or is it, I’m tired because
I didn’t sleep well and I’m really frustrated because what’s going on at work and this co-worker
is talking about me and I know that when I get to work, I’m going to be bullied or I’m
going to be manipulated into doing a project that I don’t want to do.” And so not wanting to get out of bed is really
a result being dissatisfied in the workplace which is maybe there bullying you which could
remind you of being bullied when you were younger and, and then not wanting to fall
asleep or having trouble falling asleep could be a whole thing of like you could be in a
re-traumatization situation like at work or maybe your sister keeps texting you or you
know that once you fall asleep your phone’s going to beep and you know someone you have,
someone that’s going to reach out to you and they’re going to be expecting something from
you before you wake up in the morning –this happens a lot like where, where people work
like on a global scale where like when they show up at work, they’re already like 8 hours
behind the 8 ball like they have like all these emails waiting for them so it’s completely
overwhelming because they have all these clients in other countries –that can really great
on someone over time and create low-grade sort of what looks like depression or this,
this, I never, I can never say this thing yet but like just like sort of a low-grade
depression that sort of just goes on because you’re just like “There’s no solving this. I’m in this line of work. There’s nothing I can do. Every day I show up and there’s like 50 emails
waiting for me and I have all these things that I should have done but I was sleeping.” And so falling asleep at night becomes really
stressful because you know that no matter how early you wake up by the time you get
to work, you’re8 hours behind and you have all these angry emails waiting for you. So it could mean like a shift in your, in
your career, in your job, it could be or it could be you know being bullied at work or
it could be like the way you’re treated you know when you show up at the parking garage
at work like it could be a whole bunch of different things but I would look into the
list that we have on, on the video tonight above, the 7 things that, that, that indicate
whether it sadness or if it’s like really depression like the 7 warning signs of depression. I would see if they all match but either way
like you deserve excellent care you guys. You guys all deserve excellent trauma-informed
care and I want you to reach out to your practitioner and I want you to say “Hey! I might not have been discussing this with
you but I noticed that I had all these symptoms and I want to talk with you about them.” because you deserve it. You deserve to have excellent care. You deserve to be treated if you’re living
with depression. You deserve to, to feel better and to receive
the trauma-informed care that you’ve always deserved that perhaps you didn’t have access
to. So I hope this has been helpful for you guys. I’ve really enjoyed sharing this with you
and hopefully equipping you with everything you need to feel better –just I mean whether
it’s emotional flashbacks or anything, CPTSD-related or depression-related. You guys deserve to feel better and I’m hoping
that I equipped you with what you need to feel better. So I would love to hear from you down in the
comments section of the video. I can’t see the chat box so if you guys
wanted to wait until after the chat box is like done and I’m done recording because
I’m going to stop the video right now, be respectful of your time and then I’ll be
able to see the comments but if you guys wanted to leave me a speak pipe on my website as
well, please feel free to do that. So I hope this has been helpful for you and
Deborah Herendina, I’m so sorry that I wasn’t more helpful and I will go ahead and respond
on speak pipe or send me an email and just thank you guys. Thank you for being here and supporting one
another. I look forward to seeing you again next Monday
and every Monday 6 PM Pacific, 9 PM Eastern here for live Q&A and hope you guys have a
great week. This has been wonderful. Thanks for being here. Bye guys!


  1. thank you so much for doing these. it's so helpful. last few weeks I've been having technical issues watching these live but am able to play later. I've been wondering if maybe my therapist is right…that I am depressed. I was thinking that I was just sad because I haven't had thoughts of self harm. thank you. bless you. I relate to these questions and your answers and information truly help. right now I'm just surviving, but I'm grateful to even be doing this. safe hugs.

  2. Athena I was inspired by this to start eating more clean and to take supplements in order to help my daily mental state. I've known this logically for years and I have done so in the past but it was Not healthy as it wS dieting and tied to eating disorder behaviors. Now I am encouraged to care for my body, Gods temple, in the best way I can. Thank you ๐Ÿ˜Š ๐Ÿ’—

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