THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.>>THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.>>SO YOU WERE 12 WHEN YOU FIRST SORT OF HAD YOUR FIRST EXPERIENCE, AND I’M SURE A LOT OF PEOPLE WERE LIKE, WHAT WAS THE MIND-BLOWING THING, RIGHT? YOU CAN READ ABOUT IT IN THE BOOK. BUT IT WASN’T SO MUCH THE JOY OF THE FEELINGS, IT WAS — IT BECAME AN OBSESSION FOR YOU, RIGHT?>>YES.>>WHAT WAS THE DRIVER, TO MAKE YOU DO IT SO OFTEN, OVER AND OVER AND OVER, EVEN AT THAT YOUNG AGE?>>WELL, I THINK THAT MY FIRST EXPLORATION WITH MASTURBATION AND PORN STARTED OFF NORMALLY. I THINK MOST KIDS AROUND THAT AGE WOULD BE CURIOUS AND EXPLORE THEIR BODY. BUT I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH SCOLIOSIS NOT LONG AFTER THAT DISCOVERY. THAT’S WHEN THINGS STARTED TO CHANGE FOR ME. I STARTED TO REALLY THINK OF MYSELF AS SOMETHING WEIRD OR SOMETHING DIFFERENT AND SHAMEFUL. I FOUND THAT USING PORN AND MASTURBATING WERE EFFECTIVE METHODS OF COPING WITH THAT.>>IT WAS LIKE AN ESCAPE FOR YOU.>>RIGHT. YEAH SH IT WAS YEAH, IT WAS A WAY FOR ME TO GET OUT OF MY HEAD AND NOT THINK OF EMOTIONAL DIFFICULTIES THAT CAME UP FOR ME THAT I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH PROPERLY.>>YOU WRITE ABOUT HOW YOU WERE — YOU WOULD BE IN THE SCHOOL, AT SCHOOL, AND YOU’D GO INTO THE BATHROOM SHATALLS AND HAVE TO DO IT.>>RIGHT.>>ASKING YOURSELF, IS THIS NORMAL? ARE OTHER GIRLS DOING THIS? I MEAN, DID YOU HAVE THE LIGHT BULB THAT, LIKE, IT ISN’T? PROBABLY THEY AREN’T?>>YEAH. I THINK THAT THAT JUST CAME OUT OF ALL THE SILENCE THAT COMES AROUND SEX AS A YOUNG WOMEN, AS A YOUNG GIRL. NOBODY WAS TALKING ABOUT IT. I WAS RAISED CATHOLIC. MY PARENTS, THEY DIDN’T REALLY TALK TO ME ABOUT IT. I THINK THAT’S BECAUSE THEIR PARENTS DIDN’T REALLY TALK TO THEM ABOUT SEX. SO I JUST HAD THIS IDEA THAT I WAS DOING SOMETHING BAD AND SOMETHING WRONG. I THINK THAT IF PEOPLE WERE TALKING ABOUT IT, THAT I MIGHT HAVE FELT COMFORT AND I MIGHT HAVE FELT THAT I WAS DOING SOMETHING COMPLETELY NORMAL AND IT WOULD HAVE CHANGED MY PERSPECTIVE.>>THE SELF-PLEASURE, FOR ANYONE COMING OF AGE, IS NOT — THERE’S NOTHING ABNORMAL ABOUT IT, RIGHT? IT WAS THE AMOUNT, THE FREQUENCY AND THE DOMINANCE THAT IT WOUND UP HAVING ON YOUR LIFE, CERTAINLY AS YOU BECAME AN ADULT. BUT WAS THAT THE CASE, EVEN AS A TWEENER, INTO YOUR TEENS?>>YES. IT DEFINITELY BECAME AN OBSESSION. IT BECAME A WAY FOR ME TO COPE WITH ANYTHING THAT CAME UP THAT FELT TOO BIG AND TOO SCARY. I NEVER REALLY FELT COMFORTABLE DOING IT. THERE WAS NEVER THIS POINT EARLY ON WHERE I FELT LIKE I WAS WORTHY OF THIS KIND OF PLEASURE. IT JUST KEPT LIKE SOMETHING I WAS DOING, AND IF PEOPLE FOUND OUT I WAS DOING IT, THEY WOULD CERTAINLY THINK I WAS DISGUSTING AND NOT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME.>>THOSE — THE THEME IN THE BOOK, THESE ARE SOME OF THE EMOTIONS AND ADJECTIVES SHE USES TO DESCRIBE HERSELF AND HOW SHE FELT. EMPTINESS, SHAME, ISOLATED, REVOLTING, GUILT, PITIFUL, WORTHLESS. WAS THAT ALL PART OF IT? I MEAN, WAS THAT — IN OTHER WORDS, WHAT I’M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT IS WHETHER THOSE ARE THE FEELINGS THAT LED TO THE ADDICTION, OR THOSE ARE THE FEELINGS CAUSED BY THE BEHAVIOR ASSOCIATED WITH THE ADDICTION.>>I THINK BOTH. CERTAINLY, IT STARTED THAT WAY. YOU KNOW, I HAD THESE FEELINGS OF INADEQUACY BECAUSE I FELT DIFFERENT FROM EVERYBODY ELSE. AS I CONTINUED TO COPE IN THIS WAY AND NOBODY WAS TALKING ABOUT IT, THOSE FEELINGS JUST CONTINUED AND BECAME BIGGER THAN THEY SHOULD HAVE.>>AND HOW BIG A ROLE DID THE INTERNET PLAY?>>A HUGE ROLE.>>ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU WERE FIRST SORT OF GETTING INTO THIS.>>RIGHT. SO I FEEL LIKE MY ADDICTION COINCIDED WITH THE DIGITAL AGE. SO IT STARTED WITH SOFT CORE PORN.>>SO TO SPEAK.>>RIGHT. SO THE INTERNET CAME ABOUT WHEN I WAS AROUND 12/13. SO DOWNLOADING PICTURES BECAME A THING. CHAT ROOM ENCOUNTERS. EVERY TIME I MIGHT HAVE GOTTEN OVER IT AND MAYBE LOST ME ENGAGED AND ENT ICED AGAIN.>>YOU WROTE, NOTHING IS ENOUGH. YOU STARTED WITH THIS PORN AND YOU NEEDED DIRTIER AND DIRTIER AND MORE EXPLICIT. DEMEANING PORNOGRAPHY. IT CAN HAVE AN EFFECT ON ONE’S LIFE. WE’LL TALK ABOUT ERICA’S ATTEMPT TO ESCAPE HER ADDICTION. Hello, aloe. Kelp is on the way! With Herbal Essences Bio:Renew Made with active antioxidants that work from the inside out… To help animate lifeless hair. Let Life In with Herbal Essences Bio:Renew. *Fruits and nuts make it so yummy* *real fruits only nothing funny* *just simple ingredients *wrapped with care L�RABAR Food made from food. 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