Review – Addiction

Review – Addiction


– PATTY IN
PARK CITY, UTAH, TEXTS: – WELL, THE ONLY THING
I’VE EVER BEEN ADDICTED TO IS A THIRST FOR KNOWLEDGE. I GUESS THAT
DOESN’T COUNT, THOUGH. – I DON’T THINK SO.
– ALL RIGHT, THEN. I AM ABOUT TO GO
AND GET MYSELF ADDICTED TO SOMETHING STRONGER AND MORE POWERFUL
THAN KNOWLEDGE. AHA. THOSE ARE NICELY MADE LINES. WELL, I HAVE NEVER
DONE COCAINE BEFORE, AND I HAVE NO IDEA
HOW EASY OR HARD IT IS TO GET ADDICTED TO IT. I CONFESS I AM QUITE NERVOUS
ABOUT THIS, BUT– THANK YOU. BON VOYAGE. – HAPPY SAILING. – [snorts] [grunts] AAH. OH! THAT’S LIKE BLEACH
IN MY SINUSES. THAT’S TERRIBLE. [coughs, hacks] NO. THAT’S A TERRIBLE FEELING. GOOD-BYE, COCAINE. – NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO,
MISTER– AAH.
– WHAT? YOU WOULD’VE LIKED
TO HAVE DONE THAT COCAINE? – NO.
– NO, OF COURSE NOT. THAT’S ABSOLUTE GARBAGE.
THAT’S TERRIBLE. I FEEL LIKE GOING FOR A WALK.
YOU WANNA GO FOR A WALK? – YEAH, I’M JUST GONNA
TAKE OUT YOUR TRASH REAL QUICK. – THAT’S FINE. SOME PEOPLE SIMPLY
CAN’T GET ADDICTED. THEIR BRAINS ARE TOO STURDY. COULD THIS BE MY PROBLEM? I TESTED THAT HYPOTHESIS
WITH TWO OTHER FAMOUSLY ADDICTIVE SUBSTANCES: CIGARETTES FILLED
WITH TOBACCO… [coughing] OH, NO, NO, NO. AND ALCOHOLIC WINE. BUT I COULD NOT GET
THOSE MONKEYS ON MY BACK. ALL THIS DOES
IS MAKE ME SLEEPY. I THINK I’LL, UH,
GO TO THE BATHROOM. [exhales] SO YOU CAN ADD ALCOHOL
TO THE LIST OF [bleep]
I’M NOT ADDICTED TO. I MEAN, MAYBE I’M JUST
INVULNERABLE TO ADDICTION. LIKE, WHAT AM I,
A SUPERHERO? IT’S MR. INVULNERABLE! [laughs] OKAY, SO I HAVE TRIED COCAINE, CIGARETTES, ALCOHOL. DIDN’T GET ADDICTED
TO ANY OF THOSE. BUT THERE’S ONE MORE THING
I NEED TO TRY. COCAINE!
[chuckles] JUST LIKE MY WIFE SUZANNE,
WHO FOR YEARS HAD ENJOYED TAKING POT
FROM TIME TO TIME, MY OCCASIONAL RECREATIONAL USE
OF COCAINE HAD IMPROVED MY LIFE. I WAS MORE PRODUCTIVE… RED ONES AND YELLOW ONES.
I GOT A LOT OF RED BOOKS– I MADE MORE SCARVES… I’M MAKING YOU ONE. I DON’T KNOW IF YOU’LL WEAR IT
OR NOT–I DON’T EVEN CARE. I WAS A BETTER FATHER. CHICKEN LITTLE GOES UP
TO HENNY PENNY. “HENNY PENNY,
THE SKY IS FALLING!” AND OF COURSE HENNY PENNY
DIDN’T BELIEVE HIM. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN
THE SKY IS FALLING?” THE SKY IS FALLING! [snores] [sniffs]
OKAY. ALL RIGHT. – HEY, FORREST.
– [grunts] – DID YOU MAKE
14 ATM WITHDRAW– WHOA.
– YEAH, SORRY. – WHAT JUST HAPPENED?
– NOTHING, IT BROKE. IT JUST BROKE.
IT’S FINE, IT’S FINE. NO. WHAT? WHAT?
– OKAY. SOMEBODY MADE 14 ATM WITHDRAWALS
THIS WEEK. – WHY WOULD YOU ASSUME
THAT IT WOULD BE ME? DID YOU EVER CONSIDER MAYBE WHAT’S-HIS-NAME IS DOING IT? IT COULD BE
WHAT’S-HIS-NAME. – WHO’S WHAT’S-HIS-NAME? – YOU KNOW, UPSTAIRS. THE KID.
[clears throat] ALL RIGHT, HOT SHOT,
DO YOU KNOW HIS NAME? – ERIC? – ALL RIGHT, FINE.
YES, YOU WIN THAT ONE. – WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? – NOTHING’S WRONG.
I’M FINE. I’M JUST TRYING
TO EAT SOMETHING. – [sighs] – SHOW ME WHAT I DID WRONG. – I’M PRETTY SURE
THESE GRAY ONES GO IN HERE. – I VOLUNTEERED
TO CHAPERONE ERIC AND HIS FRIENDS
ON A CAMPING TRIP AND MADE
AN IMPORTANT DISCOVERY ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP
TO COCAINE. WAIT A MINUTE.
HEY, ERIC. HAVE YOU SEEN, UH,
THAT BAG THAT I HAD, THAT LITTLE PLASTIC BAG
OF, UH, CAMPING POWDER? – NO. – BEING SEPARATED
FROM COCAINE FOR SIX HOURS MADE ME REALIZE
I HAD A PROBLEM, AND I NEEDED HELP… IN THE FORM
OF MORE COCAINE. – HEY, MR. MACNEIL.
– DO YOU HAVE IT? – YEAH.
– THANK YOU. GOD. ALL RIGHT, MEN, WE’RE GONNA DO
EVERYTHING THIS WEEKEND. WE’RE GONNA GET OUR
BIRD-WATCHING BADGES. WHO WANTS THEIR BIRD-WATCH–
ANYBODY WANT THEIR BIRD-WATCHING BADGE,
WE’RE GONNA DO IT. WE’RE GONNA FIND SOME BIRDS,
AND WE’RE GONNA WATCH THEM, AND THEN WE’RE GONNA GET OUR
ORIENTEERING BADGES, YOU GUYS. – YOUR NOSE IS BLEEDING.
– OH. THAT’S ‘CAUSE I’M HAVING
A HEART ATTACK, YOU GUYS. – DAD?
– I’M HAVING A HEART ATTACK. – DO YOU HAVE SHOOTING PAIN
DOWN YOUR ARM? – YEAH, I GOT SHOOTING PAINS
EVERYWHERE. OH, MY GOD,
I’M HAVING A HEART ATTACK. I’M DEFINITELY GONNA DIE. I AM DEFINITELY GONNA DIE! OH, GOD! OH!
– DAD? – SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! SHUT UP.
HOW DO YOU KNOW CPR? WHY DO YOU KNOW CPR?
THIS KID’S A COP! – DAD?
– THIS KID IS A COP! [birds chirping] – WE DON’T KNOW
HOW HE’LL REACT, BUT REMEMBER, YOU LITERALLY
COULD BE SAVING HIS LIFE. SO IT’S IMPORTANT
EVERYONE IS HERE AND– – OH, MY–OKAY.
– OH, WHAT IS THIS? OH, IS THIS AN INTERVENTION? ALWAYS A FAST LEARNER,
I WAS PROUD TO SEE I HAD GONE FROM FUMBLED SNORTING
TO OVERDOSE TO FAMILY INTERVENTION
IN RECORD TIME. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO,
PUT YOUR LETTERS AWAY. I CAN SAVE YOU SOME TIME.
NO, NO, NO. I’VE BEEN A MONSTER, RIGHT? EVERYBODY’S GONNA SAY THAT,
RIGHT? I’VE BEEN A REAL TERRIBLE DAD.
I LET YOU DOWN. I’VE BEEN A HORRIBLE
SON-IN-LAW. I’VE BEEN A REAL DISAPPOINTMENT
AS A DOG OWNER. I’VE BEEN SUCH A BAD NEIGHBOR. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I DID
TO THESE GUYS. WHO CARES?
LET’S GO TO REHAB! I CAN’T WAIT TO GO
TO REHAB! COME ON, TOM, HURRY UP! I DON’T NEED ANYTHING. LET’S JUST GO!
LET’S JUST GO! – I-I GUESS I SHOULD GO TOO.
– OKAY. – SORRY. – WELL, I’M GONNA READ
MY SPEECH. I WORKED HARD ON IT. “IN THE WORDS
OF GRANDMASTER FLASH, “YOU GOING HIGH
ON THAT COCAINE. YOU GOING CRAZY
LIKE A COCAINE TRAIN.” – WHEN I GET BACK FROM REHAB, I’LL PROBABLY SAY COCAINE
IS TERRIBLE, BUT DON’T BELIEVE ME.
COCAINE IS AMAZING! I GIVE IT A MILLION STARS! DO NOT BELIEVE THE GUY
IN THE STUDIO WHO TRIES TO TELL YOU
IT’S TERRIBLE. – [sobbing]
– THAT GUY IS A LIAR!

98 comments

  1. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. HOLD UP. PEOPLE. The office, season 3, episode 14. BENJAMIN FRANKLIN LOOKS PRETTY FAMILIAR TO ME.

  2. COCAINE is not a… (hold on a second brb)… Whoooooooo… YAH… As I was sayin'… COCAINE is a HELL of a DRUG! 😉

  3. Yeah addiction is so hilarious. When you wake up in jail and you don’t know what you did and you have to ask the PO and he tells you that you caught a felony dui/ manslaughter case and then an hour later he tells you it was just a PD oh man so fuckin funny ha! Fuck you Comedy Central, “they” should censor you guys instead for being not funny.

  4. Maybe make one of the 5 lines disappear when he fake shorts it.. p.s you act like that on speed not coke.. How can Hollywood be so bad a depicting drugs WHEN ITS EVERYWHERE

  5. what a horrible production, they didnt bother to remove a row of coke after it was cut to the scene of the cripple with his coke sniffing sound on the background, the coke rows were exactly the same…

  6. Does anyone know where I can stream this in the UK? Can't watch it on Comedy Central unfortunately as it's USA only 🙁

  7. When he burst the yogurt, and made that frustrated noise, all because he couldn't get it open within an 1/8th of a second, combined with the sound of his wife.

    That was glorious. Tears of joy.

  8. I just found out that my old fourth grade teacher got arrested because the police found cocaine in his desk, when he taught kids he acted exactly like this guy

  9. For those who really want a review. I was and am a heroin addict, since 2014. The real score is 0/10. Not worth it. Take it from me, please I beg of you…

  10. Ay yo bro, you got any that good stuff? That camping powder? Cmon man I just need a little, bro I’ll pay you next week. Cmon man I’m going camping I need that camping powder! Fuck me? Fuck you!

  11. THIS IS AMAZING. THIS IS GENIUS. I screamlaughed a couple of times while watching this. It's genius because addiction really just creeps up on you without you realizing it at first. And also because it's incredibly funny and well-written and well acted.

  12. Well this funny but in a way its sad because when i was ericks age my step dad actually did cocaine and i didnt even realize it i thought he was just energetic

  13. Cocaine? Try smoking meth and staying up for 2 weeks straight then getting a few hours of sleep and smoking more meth. Cocaine addiction is a joke.

  14. These type of jokes never instill not even a centimeter of laughter in my brain 🤷‍♂️ where’s my black people cuhh,, 💯™️

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *