1. Team trees is great and all but just wait until Christmas and that number will get just about halved cuz people for no reason just have to have a real tree

    Get a fake one to help the environment

  2. comment: do you even speak russian

    him: "yes i speak russian"


    my mom: starts yelling at me in russian

    this actually happened though. i woke up my siblings and my mom was pissed

  3. your so desperate for intimate feelings you turn to a group of strangers to insult you, hoping they won’t notice the too-bright fake smile or the forlorn look in your eyes. But, as you get more attention, the gaping hole in your conscience expands. You become more aware of how lonely you truly are, how few people know you beyond your over enthusiastic dr Mike persona.
    Also you have a big nose and a forehead with more square footage than any apartment I’ll ever be able to afford.
    Also I’m a hUge fan 😀

  4. I’d be the type of person who would say

    I would roast you but I don’t want to be sat here writing an essay

    And then I’d slowly realise it doesn’t even make sense

  5. 3:10, in class, we were watching a movie, and a baby got stung by a scorpion, and the doctor came, and I leaned over and siad to my friend "just use essential oils, it'll be fine" as a joke

  6. I have never seen someone so willing to get roasted before
    btw the one where they said 'my mom said not to burn trash' … its from tiktok

  7. Sucks being in a different timezone… I missed this!

    I could've sent a few tubes of neosporin for those burns. 😏😏😏

  8. Ok in MY opinion he looks like the guy that whenever he was absent from school, the class would be so quiet and bored.

  9. *At the airport or train station*”If something doesn’t look right please report it” Karen- “yOu DOnT LoOk RiGhT LeT mE RePOrT yOu…”

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