Should You Have Sex with Your Look-Alike? – Robert Kelly

Should You Have Sex with Your Look-Alike? – Robert Kelly

– What’s up fucking me? How you doing? Who, is this a joke, is this,
is this where you guys just? Is this a fucking,
is Ashton Kutcher? He was a guy from MTV days. The fuck dude? (audience laughing) Is this weird, is
this weird for you? It’s weird for me. (audience laughing) It’s like my fucking
alternate universe where I fall in love with
a little thin Indian boy. (audience laughing) Fucking dump my wife and
child and bernedoodle and fucking bang Namesh,
whatever your cool name is that everybody loves. (audience laughing) Give me it, come
here, come here. Grab my head, let’s mind
meld, say a word, say a word! (audience cheering) – What am I saying? (audience laughing) – What if I just grabbed
his head and smushed it? Never! (audience laughing) Yes. (audience laughing) Did you get mad when Trump
called that person fat? Don’t you hate and you
hang out with skinny, I don’t know why this, must
be annoying to hang out with fucking 20 inch waist,
you can just drop things and pick them up you cocksucker. (audience laughing) Yeah it’s hard being chubby man. ‘Cause food is the
worst drug of all! Heroin’s easy, oh he kicked
heroin, that’s fucking easy, try kicking hamburgers and
french fries, that’s hard. Heroin, it’s illegal,
you get arrested, when you do drugs,
there’s police, there’s no fat fuck police. Gonna kick my door down
at three in the morning when I’m eating pizza that was
in the garbage for two days. (audience laughing) Put it down you fat bastard! Trying to eat the evidence. Take me away for
nine months in jail, get out, get other
fat guys, we rally, fat lives matter,
fat lives matter! Our rallies only last
three minutes, we’re like, fat lives matter, is that a
hot dog truck, what is that, nah fuck that, let’s get
some food, I’m starving. (audience laughing) Right, fucking. (audience laughing) If we blew each other, that
would be weird, wouldn’t it? (audience laughing) It’d be like you got
to blow yourself, that’s not even gay! My wife wouldn’t even dump me. (audience laughing) Now if I blew you, that’s
weird, you look nothing like me. (audience laughing) That’d be just two
guys blowing each other but me and you, that
space, time fucking meld. Two bald chubby
guys, I bet we have the same size pee-pee
too, we should check after the show in an alley. Bring fucking little
fucking twiggy with you. I’m sure he has a
ruler, he was in Mensa. (audience laughing) This is the same size
penis, I can eyeball it. (audience laughing) You guys having fun, these
assholes, that’s racist. You shouldn’t say that,
that’s a poor Indian boy, go fuck your fucking selves. Look at all the old people,
yeah, the way it was! The way it was, make fun
of those fucking races, fuck it we’re white, woo. Nice legs, fucking daisy
dukes on a fucking dude, I gotta respect that. Did you roll them up
yourself or did you get help? – No I rolled them.
– You did them yourself, fucking rock and roll. I needed help with these. (audience laughing) ‘Cause I’m a little chubby. Fuck Trump, fuck he’s fat
too, Trump is a fat fuck. That’s like you
calling me a fat fuck. You’d never do it ’cause
we’re chubbies together, that fat fuck. (audience laughing) Sorry I lost my mind, I just. If you can’t see your belt you
don’t call other people fat, that’s the rules. (audience laughing) My wife finally came to me,
is that your girl right there, yeah, you do weird
shit, you do some weird? (audience laughing) You ever do some weird
stuff like, you know weird, like you ever role play,
you ever do some role, like you’re this, I’m that,
there’s fucking action. Speed rolling action,
hello, what is your name? My name’s Gary, I’m a spy. Oh you in the wrong room Gary. (audience laughing) We–
– Yeah, get into it! (audience laughing) – Settle down, we
know you get into it. (audience laughing) What do you play a straight guy? Hi how are you, I will not take
any of your bullshit woman. (audience laughing) My wife finally came to me,
she’s like, “we can role play”. I was so excited. Yeah it was like a big day,
I’ve been wanting to for years. She was like, “What
do you wanna do?” I’m like, “You’re a
massage therapist” and she’s like, “No,
no, no, no, no, no, no.” I’m like, “What?” She’s like, “Too
close to what I do.” I’m like, “That’s bullshit,
you’re an aesthetician, “you pop zits and wax vaginas, “that’s not even
the same ballpark.” She’s like, “I bought an
outfit, we’ll do my scenario.” – I’m like, “Fine!” She goes, gets dressed,
comes out, schoolgirl outfit, backpack, lollipop, I’m like,
“I’m 48, I’m not a pedophile, “what the fuck,
this is disgusting! “You think I hang
out at school yards? “How is this better
than you pretending “you’re a middle
aged asian woman “about to give me
a mediocre back rub “and then a stellar handjob?” (upbeat music)


  1. I started playing this video and went back to my feed to keep scrolling and just when he said Ashton Kutcher, I scrolled to the trailer for The Ranch, part 8 and I was genuinely freaked.

    (X-files theme)

  2. Looking for a sexual partner for sex? Find here DATING.R-D-O.RU

  3. i came here for no other reason other than to say who ever OK'd not only a comedian (who can change their stage name mind you) with the name R KELLY but also SEX in the description 😛

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