THE 4 SIGNS of a TOXIC RELATIONSHIP | Kati Morton & Cat Valdes treatment divorce marriage advice

THE 4 SIGNS of a TOXIC RELATIONSHIP | Kati Morton & Cat Valdes treatment divorce marriage advice


– Hey everybody. I have a wonderful and special guest, Cat, who is channeling Ms.
Catriffic and I will link in the description. But she is here to talk
with us about ways to know if you’re in a toxic relationship. So stay tuned. (upbeat music) So like I said, we’re gonna
talk about ways to know that you’re in a toxic relationship. And the first is – When you’re more unhappy
than you are happy. – This makes me think because
I love “Sex and the City”, I don’t know if you do – I actually haven’t seen it. – (gasp) There is a part
of a episode where Samantha is telling Carrie, Carrie’s
in a bad relationship with Berger, if anybody
watched it, and she’s like, I think the test of a relationship is how many times are you like this… and how much time are you like this… And Carrie’s like, that’s not the test, but in essence, I think it really is. – Yeah, it definitely is. I mean, I kind of want to just be like this, like I kind of just want to be like chill. I don’t want to be super
have to be super happy or if I’m super unhappy
that would suck too. I kinda just want to be like mellow In the middle, consistently good. – Yeah and that’s, I
agree, cause consistency’s real important for me. I think straight emoji face.
– Straight face. Yeah, just, just, you
know, or the little smirk – Smirk. Just a little smirk on the side, I’m chill but I’m flirty
and happy. (laughing) People say “Yeah, but when
we first started dating it was so good. Or like sometimes it’s
really, really good.” I’m like “Yeah but when it’s
bad, it’s really bad and it’s bad a lot”, So why are you still dating them? – Yeah, and I think taking note of that, how often, you know, are you down? ‘Cause those really, really high times shouldn’t, you shouldn’t be weighting those
stronger if the majority of time you’re like gleh. – Exactly. – Now the second is, and
this one’s actually my personal favorite. – Your favorite… My favorite sign of a toxic relationship (laughing) – But it’s one that I
can relate to I guess. Cause I’ve had a friend do this. It’s when none of your friends like them. – Oh yeah, that is very relatable. I definitely, this year, had two friends that
were in relationships and no one liked their significant other but no one wanted to tell them. And it’s like what do
you do in that situation. As a friend do you say
something or do you not? If it’s something, if I
feel like the relationship is gonna last and they’re
like, headed towards marriage or something, I will
absolutely say something. – Same. – ‘Cause I’m just like, I
can’t sit back and watch this. But if I feel like it’s
just going to fall apart on its own cause it’s not a good
relationship, then I’m just gonna avoid hanging out with
you guys so it’s pretty clear I don’t like them, but I’m
not having say anything. – And it’s a tough, that’s
a tricky thing because as a friend, you don’t want
to lose a friend by saying “You know, I think your
girlfriend, boyfriend, whoever is an asshole” or “I don’t like them” – Yeah, and you don’t,
because they’re in love, they’re gonna pick them over you – Totally.
– In the moment And then be like “Oh, we
shouldn’t have done that”. When they break up,
they’ll come crawling back. – Totally. It’s true. Then they’re your friend again but it sucks in the time
so I like that you weigh and measure that cause
that’s something I’ve learned as an adult, if I think
she’s gonna fizzle out, I’ll let it go, but if I– – If they’re making a huge life mistake – Yeah, I had a friend that was gonna move to Hawaii with this guy– – I’m actually going to Hawaii next week. – Oh perfect. – Are they still there? (laughing) – But she didn’t go because I was like, it’s terrible, don’t do it Because it was a big life
decision and I’m like, that’s not good. So I had to speak up. So if your trusted people,
the people you keep in your corner don’t like
the person you’re with, there’s probably a good reason. Maybe you should talk to them about it. – The third sign you’re in
a toxic relationship is you are the worst version of yourself. And I feel like we all have been around people in our life, whether it was a friend, a family member, or a relationship that, they just bring this ugly side out of you. And it’s just not the best. – It’s horrible. I think it’s bad too
because it’s like you’re so entrenched with them, or at
least that was my experience. Now I’m making it personal
because I had a relationship in high school that was
so intense that it like, I couldn’t see out of it, but I didn’t like who I had become. Once I broke, we had our
first round of breakups, ’cause there were multiple, (laughing) – As we do
– Which is so wonderful I had noticed I didn’t like myself anymore and my best friend actually told me, speaking of the last one,
she was like “I don’t really like being around you. You’re not the Kati that I knew”. And I was like “Oh my gosh.” – You completely change. It’s just usually that is a true sign of something toxic. It’s poisoning, changing who you are, ruining
something that’s good. Whereas the opposite, if
you’re in a good relationship, they’re gonna bring out
the best sides of you and challenge you to be a
better person and push you and you know, hold you accountable. Whereas the other situation is just kinda, it’s not good and it’s
hard sometimes to look in the mirror and be like, “Is this person making
me worse or better?” And to be honest with yourself and be ugh. – I know sometimes it’s hard
to be honest with yourself. But someone that you’re with, who you love and want to spend time with, even a friendship relationship, should be someone who
challenges you to be better. – And I think that just
because you’re going through a season where someone is making you the worst version of yourself doesn’t mean you have to break up. You could just acknowledge it and be like We’re being horrible people right now and we need to get our act together
if we want to stay together. And start changing the
ways we treat each other, the way we interact, or whatever. Work on it – I also want throw in that it’s not any one person’s fault. Oftentimes it’s just the
combination of the two. I’m not gonna say the guy I
was in a relationship with all those years ago– – It’s all his fault, he brought
the worst sides out of you. – No, it was us together was not good. – A bad recipe. (laughing) – (laughing) It was. It was real bad. The final sign to know
that you’re in a toxic relationship is abuse. I think this is an important thing and obviously we could
talk a lot about it. I have a video about emotional
abuse, you can click here and also physical abuse
and you can click there. I’ll put the links in the description, but for today’s video,
we’re just gonna talk about them briefly and I think the
first for me is physical abuse. If they’re hitting you in any way. I don’t care if they were drunk. I don’t care if they were high. I don’t care if it had
been a really big fight. No one should physically,
you shouldn’t have physical altercations be part
of your relationship period. So if that’s happening, I think it’s a good sign you
need to end the relationship. – Yeah, absolutely. In contrast to that, also emotional abuse is something that people
don’t realize it’s just as effective or painful as physical abuse. Emotional abuse, that
trauma can stay with you for the rest of your life
and give you complexes that are so hard to get rid of. – Totally… – It’s just as important. If you recognize or people are telling you you’re in an emotionally
abusive situation, that’s, you need to get out. – This can be done so cattaly, that’s the bad part of it for me. A lot of people wind up in these relationships and don’t notice. It can be overstepping your
boundaries all the time. Sharing your personal information, not respecting when you’re saying no, you don’t want to have sex. But you’re like “It’s
not rape because we are in a relationship.” Also controlling money. Or controlling what you do, where you go. We’ve all had those friends that are in relationships where the
guy or the girl is like “I don’t want you going out with them” or “you can’t see them” or
“why aren’t you home?” Incessantly texting
– Ugh… This is making me cringe
so hard right now. – ‘Cause it’s so icky, it’s like ugh. That kind of goes back
to all our other signs. If your friends don’t like them, that’s usually, they’re gonna be the first
ones to pick up on it because often when we’re in a relationship or if we’re in that
bubble, we don’t see out. The one thing I want to get across is if any of these are you, don’t feel like anything’s wrong with you or you should be embarrassed or ashamed. We’ve all been through similar situations. These are just some
healthy, happy reminders that you’re worth it and
you can be in a healthy, wonderful relationship where you spend all your time like this (smiling). – Or like this. – Or yeah, a little smirk. (laughing) – Flirty smirk. – I hope you found this helpful. I know a lot of us are in relationships or hoping to be in relationships, and know that each and
everyone of you deserves to have a happy, healthy
relationship with the little, just the little smirk. (laughing) We did the video over on Cat’s channel where we talked about five
reasons why you might be single. So click over here and I’ll
put a link in the description to her channel and our video. Definitely check it out. She has wonderful things on her channel. Like this video, give it
a thumbs up if you like it and leave in the comments. Let us know what other signs. Maybe we missed some. What other red flags are there? We want to protect all
our wonderful Kinions and make sure we’re all in
happy, healthy relationships. And I will see you next time. (laughing) – We just did the exact same
action at the exact same time. Okay. That was funny. – Is that the dog snoring? – Yes. (laughter) – It was like whir.
– Beta. (whistling) Sometimes I
don’t even hear it anymore. Sorry to wake you guys up. You’ll fall back asleep in two seconds. I’m sure.

100 comments

  1. totally love and totally agree with this.
    I remember being in 1 relationship that was completely draining. it should have made me happy but it made me exhausted every single day.
    thank you for the video today! πŸ’œ

  2. My thing is just because the people around you don't like them doesn't mean anything. I actually had people that were toxic in my friends and family that tried to keep me from being happy with my significant other. I didn't know they were toxic. And change isn't bad because I became a better person and the friends and family that were actually terrible for my mental health weeded themselves out.

  3. the only time my boyfriend texts me when I'm out with my friends is to check on me to make sure I'm okay. I think this is fine because I normally don't stay out too late so when I do he gets worried. He just wants to make sure my car hasn't broken down and I'm not stranded somewhere. It makes him feel more secure knowing that I'm safe.

  4. should I be friends with people in my therapy groups at Camhs? there are all these rules that we can't be friends but I think its unfair? is it OK to just be friends, she goes to my school and we have the same interests, and its my 17th birthday today and its getting closer to my 18th that meets I won't be with Camhs and I am scared, because I feel like I can't cope without anyone to understand me, I'm scared I will be turned down because I will be an adult and no one cares, I have attachment problems because my mum left me when I was very young and that's partly why I'm like me right now, I had a shit birthday I had family therapy then a group I cried and faced the other way for a whole hour then I thought I would man up and just deal with it because I felt everyone was thinking I'm a wussy,

  5. Hey! i think it's so great that you make videos about mental health and inform the world and do your best to help superduper very appreciated! i was wondering if you could make a video about derealization/depersonalization ? I've for a very long time felt kind of distant and unable to grasp reality fully and i would love for an actual professional to hear more about it!

  6. I was in a 'toxic relationship. I'm happy I'm out of it.
    the sign for me is the vulgar language used towards me and the change of mood, Sometimes it would be good but most of the times it would be bad.
    I still sometimes think that it might be my fault, because my personality includes me being annoying.
    I feel better since I got out.

  7. Here is my problem:
    Everyone that I find attractive or with a good personality is either in a relationship constantly or is a heartbreaker. Secondly, this is going to sound…Wrong but im a quiet short unpopular black girl. Every boy I know of, no matter the race, will like or go for the prettier white girls or the popular black girls. I barely get noticed but when i do its like they (the boys) wont even think about thinking about having even the slightest crush on me. It makes me question everything because many family members and older strangers compliment me on my "beauty" but ever since I was ten i have had this voice in the back of my head saying "they only say that because of your ugliness. They know you are unattractive but they have to say nice things because they feel bad and want to boost your confidence". This comment will probably get deleted or ignored but i just wanted to say all of this somewhere considering i cant tell anyone how i really feel. Its not something that can be fixed anyways.

  8. hey kati πŸ™‚ great video, this saved my day! I'm really struggling with my self harm behaviour and I don't know if I should look for a therapist '-' XOXO

  9. can you make the toxic relation ship(toxic-combo "we are making it so ba together") into healthy and happy relationship? through therapy or something?

  10. This kind of underlines my feeling that my last relationship was kind of abusive. One day I want to talk to my therapist about it, but I just don't feel comfortable enough to get into detail (she knows that there was something but that's it)

  11. After reading the 4 points I can conclude the relationship was either with a narcissist, socio or psychopath. ^^, Am I close?

  12. Hey Kati, do you have a video about toxic mothers and the effects of having a toxic mother. If not, you should do one one day. Hope you are having a great day.

  13. I definitely had a friend not talk to me for about six weeks after we were out partying one night… and apparently I told her over and over that her bf was a douchebag. And it turns out he WAS… total a-hole… BUT… she didn't know that yet, so it was too confronting for me to tell her!

  14. Hey Kati this is off topic from the video but is it normal to feel such intense emotion when sad like usually just kinda bleh I'm not happy almost kinda numb but recently something happened (not even super bad like a death or whatever) and I felt so upset I couldn't smile through it I couldn't do my school work because I was so upset it lasted about a day but that's just not normal for me is it normal at all

  15. Thank you so much for posting this. I've been with my boyfriend for 9 years now and i'm only now finding the strength to get out of it for good. All 4 of these points are relevant to my situation. Actually, we had a good afternoon today so I was contemplating changing my mind about leaving, but then I saw this video. I know now that I need to get away and find myself again after all this time. So, ya, thanks for always posting helpful videos πŸ™‚

  16. I'm sure it's partially because you're a therapist who spends all day listening to people, but I love how much of an engaged listener you seem to be, and the way you nod along with what the person is saying so they know they're understood.

  17. This video is about toxic relationships between couples, but I assume these tips also apply to friendships?

    PS. I have been in one for like five years, but it has left its traces.

  18. I'm having the worst time with my boyfriend right now… I was trying to tell him how I felt and he fell asleep so I ended up crying and now I'm sleeping on the couch

  19. I'm totally toxic. Given the culture, I'm just not functional enough to be anything but. It sucks because I'd love to have a partner, I always thought I'd just grow up and meet someone, but there just doesn't seem to be any way for me to find someone compatible…for me, trying to find happiness by finding a compatible partner would be like buying lottery tickets as a financial strategy. I've made peace with it now and it's very freeing. I recommend learning about and practicing mindfulness, acceptance and gratitude…for instance I'm grateful for Kati Morton; she's a joy to watch: she's beautiful and everything I wish I could have in my life, I just don't have the kind of personality that's compatible with that type of person, however compelling they might be. I think sometimes it just helps to be grateful for the small things, like watching Kati Morton on youtube…seeing her feels like the sun emerging from rain-clouds: blue skies, gold & silver linings and rainbows.

  20. After explaining it's not one persons fault and it's just how the two people work together you mentioned abuse. It is a bit confusing to me because, as an abused woman, it had been very difficult for me to come to terms with having zero control and not being responsible for my partners actions toward me. Will you clarify? An abusive relationship shouldn't be described as just how two different people don't work together, should it?

  21. I thought that this video was awesome . kati could I ask could u do a vid on how to help somone who is having a meltdown or sensory overload ?

  22. I both agree and disagree with your video. As a person that has witnessed and was in a toxic relationship, the first 3 are really subjective and someone going through a toxic relationship are very likely to delude themselves, ie. 1. They would delude themselves they are happy most of the time. 2. They would think they're friends won't understand, as you said. 3. They may think they were worse off before the relationship.

    The actual signs I would say someone has to look out for is if you are just genuinely afraid of your significant other; that you feel that if you do any small thing it warrants an extreme negative response. Another sign is whenever you're with your significant other, you feel the deep need to "not mess up". One would think that's common, but when you're with your good friends, you don't care about messing up, you're yourself and you shouldn't feel like a burden to your significant other for being yourself.

    Another big one is you see alot of the problems in the relationship being your fault and you're the problem while you're significant other is on a pedestal and is pretty much perfect and you're the problem in your relationship and deserve whatever snuff you're given. That's a huge red flag for me.

  23. This is probably gonna sound strange, but has anyone ever known anyone in an abusive relationship that, once it ended, the abuser wouldn't stop harassing the victim after they broke up? My friend finally broke up with his girlfriend of the past 3 years but since they split she's done everything from spray painting demeaning things about him to filing a restraining order against him in order to get him in trouble with the law. It's really stressful and I fell so bad for him, he's going to court to counter the restraining order next week but he's already been banned from a school campus due to her calling the school personally.

  24. Hey Kati, could you possibly do a video on the different Myers Briggs personality types and how we can deal with our weaknesses within the relationship side of things?

  25. thanks for the video ❀ Video idea: how to live with toxic people (family), because I do deal with this and I'm sure it would be helpful to many others xxx πŸ™‚

  26. I just stopped being friends with my best friend because I spoke up about her toxic relationship and she didn't like it. Her bf is a alcoholic who is emotionally abusive and she told me they want to conceive. I told her I was more scared for her than happy. in the end of the day I don't regret it. I know the relationship will crumble, it just hurts that now they want to bring a child into that environment.

  27. Hi Kati! Over here from the YouNow livestream πŸ˜‰ Some people I'd love for you to collaborate with are Sexplinations, Ingrid Nilsen and Dodie Clark πŸ‘ŒπŸ½

  28. This was a great video with really great messages, thank you. I plan to check out the other links. Your advice is good for people of all ages. What surprised me was going into a relationship as an adult, with adult children, to a control freak. I'd been single for a very long time and didn't feel the need to be in a relationship (been there, done that). The controlling was very insidious, calling every morning and every evening ("just to be the first and last person I talked to every day") and called me on my cell when I was out with friends. Slowly but surely he would say negative things abut my friends and try to push me away from them. He became involved in everything I did, even started to go to the same doctors. He would whine when I went out with friends wanting to come along. It took me a few years, but luckily, I was able to come to my senses and push him away. The worst part is he affected me emotionally and it's taken a long time to shake those feelings.
    What is scary is I was an independent person before that, raised two sons on my own, owned a home, professional worker and this person managed to get under my skin and take my independence away. I started to get jealous of friends in relationships who could do what they wanted…
    Sorry for the long message, but I think it's important for everyone to realize no one is immune.

  29. Is it still a toxic relationship when the other person has been suffering OCD and it got so bad it appeared to be a toxic relationship? My husband has OCD and OCPD, also a bit of social anxiety and intrusive thoughts related to self esteem. I separated from him (living with my family) and he has been seeking help. He has improved quite a bit with the OCD (contamination) and is still learning how to handle the OCPD and social anxiety. But would it be a toxic relationship when the root of his toxicity was the stress and anxiety brought on by his mental illness?

  30. being in hawaii made my grandmother better so maybe moving to hawaii would have helped out his attitude and made him better as well

  31. Okay so I may or may not be using Kati's videos as incentives to get myself to read my textbook and take notes. It works so whatever

  32. I'm going through a breakup right now. It was a toxic relationship, he used intermittent reinforcement on me and it's been going on for 2 years. Like you said, he brought out the worst version of myself and I've never cried over anything as much as with him. But also, I love him so much and I've become so dependent on him for my happiness because we had really bad times but also extremely amazing times.
    I'm going to therapy, which I began because this relationship made me depressed (almost from the start). I wish I could believe that I could actually be in a good relationship someday. Right now it seems just far fetched, since my self esteem was completely ruined by this man.

  33. I am too old to rebuild a life– seriously, I am so behind other people and so far out from where other people are, I am not successful. How do I deal with that? Seriously, I know that sounds bad but I don't have a great life– things have not worked out for me? I think part of this is that I don't and never had a family that liked me, I was always wanting them to?? I fake it all the time that everything is great because, what else is there to do?? LOL!!

  34. Those are very sad, if only there wasn't Forced Marriages, to help avoid toxic relationships…. if its toxic, you're stuck and its sad

  35. So how romance killed love? Perhaps a vid? Thank you for the video, appreciate it. Much love to all life.

  36. Omg I have been living my life by #1 and #3 lately and this is TOTALLY validating. Thank you for making me feel like my decisions to stay or leave relationships based on these things is valid!

  37. I don't really think it's fair to base your entire opinion on whether you should stay with someone on all of your friends' approval. Healthy relationships involve independence and both partners should be able to have their own friends without all necessarily having to get along with each other. I don't love everyone in my family but they're still family to me. I don't like people who purposefully exclude me from things because they don't like that I'm dating their friend. I just don't think that's a good enough reason since I haven't actually done anything wrong to them. That's their decision to make but that shouldn't dictate whether I'm allowed to keep dating their friend.

  38. How do you get someone to see the wrong they do in a relationship? How can you get them to listen to the problems you have with them

  39. This happened to me with my friend in middle school lol. She made me into my worst self and she was super negative and critical of me and I was always sad and unhappy while trying to please her.

  40. Problem [big problem] with using happy/unhappy most of the time as a barometer…I think the issue here is connotation of "being happy", and how surfacely this is measured …people don't live to make you feel the emotion of happy; If you're a selfish person, you gotta consider the merit of your requirements of being "made happy"- no*one is ultimately going to "make you happy" enough all the time….. love isn't a feeling; it is a decision.

    Walking through certain things is not* happy- but that is part of it. [I'm not talking abuse or somebody's games].Contentedness (i.e. peaceful about your life) should be dominant- regardless of season. But people have walked away from their families because they didn't "feel happy", only to "feel happy" with someone else for 2 minutes, then back to "not happy". Take home: Love aint a feeling- it is a decision. To quote Billy Joel just for [relevant] humor…."that's ok, either way, you wake up with yourself".

  41. I did my girlfriends college papers, I spent a lot of money on her, I cooked for her a lot, I complimented her very often, told her I love you very often, helped her get into a workout routine, I massaged her very often, and when I did something I felt was wrong I asked how she felt/what could I do better. I told her all my values and goals in the beginning of the relationship. She agreed with all of my values and goals. As we progressed further in the relationship she consistently crossed boundaries with me and compromised a lot of my values. She cried when I had anything to say about how she treated me when she noticed her anger wasn't having an effect on me. I'm still wondering if it was me because I broke up with her. She broke up with me so many times before. She's extremely self centered also. I know all these things but I still look at myself harshly because it didn't work out. I know I did things wrong but I tried to improve for the sake of the relationship. She withheld sex on a regular basis. She has my virginity and I told her it meant a lot to me that she did but it didn't really feel like it. I'm in a state of confusion sometimes when analyzing what happened because I want to take responsibility for what happened. She apologized for stuff she did but it was seldom and only placed at dire moments in time.

  42. i broke up with my boyfriend of 11 months because it felt toxic and etc
    this really helped me feel confident in my decision

  43. I'm stuck in a really hard place with my relationship right now. My boyfriend is, from what I've come to guess, depressed and/or has a personality disorder. He gets in fits of rage at such little things and just today blew up in my face and punched a wall. He's been saying off hand suicidal things and the other night told me about how he wants to die. We've been together three years and live together. I tried to get him to seek help but he refuses. After blowing up at me today I told him it's to the point that he needs to either seek help or I need to move out. He thinks he can fix himself and has asked me to give him two months to fix himself and if he can't, he'll get help. I don't know what to do. I love him and he's my best friend and I don't want to leave him. He's said I'm all he has and that if I go that'll be when he'd probably end it all because I'm all that he cares about anymore. But I just can't take the way I'm being treated. He gets mad at me so easily and yells at me and talks down to me a lot. I could ramble on a long time about the situation but this is the gist of it. Any advice anyone?

  44. This was a small portion of the video, BUT, through a lot of trial end error, whenever I've had friends in relationships that I felt the need to say something about, I found it WAY more effective to focus only on the behaviors (specifically the outcomes as they pertain to the friend) of their partner that concern me, and avoid any mention of their partner in the discussion. This seems to do a much better job bypassing their need to defend their love, because you're not making it about them, and it's also a lot harder to overstep the boundaries of your friendship (identifying a negative behavior as it specifically relates to them is not as presumptive or bossy as telling them about their relationship).

    So for example, if I had a friend whose partner liked getting a rise out of them in public, I would talk to them about how they shouldn't have to feel picked on or harassed in public. If they responded by trying to defend their partner's behavior, I would bring it back to the outcome of the behaviors, even explicitly saying I didn't want to talk about their partner. I would avoid saying their partner shouldn't act _____ way, that they were abusive, that they were bad, or that they should break up. By focusing only on something that they already know they don't like, you validate their feelings, rather than invalidate some of their feelings about something they do like, which is especially important since so much abuse is centered around invalidating their complaints in the first place.

  45. Other sign can be that they secluded you from your friends or family. Talking about them as if they dont care about you at all, or that they are really not ok. You can start believing them, because there very manipulative.

  46. It's funny because I recently quit a job because it was a toxic environment, and it was bringing out my bad side, gradually getting worse. Listening to this video, I feel that an employment and an intimate relationship have a lot in common.

  47. when he dn allow you to have a private telephone conversation…it's a big sign or if he is looking over your shoulder at your phone to see msg or pw

  48. Hi Kati, could you please make a video talking about being friends with someone who is either an abusive or negligent parent or exposes her children to domestic violence? I have a friend who exposes her child to domestic violence between her and her mother and I recently find it really hard to be friends with her knowing that her child is being harmed by her. Please help.

  49. I love learning more about therapists. They really are human? Ha ha! I put my therapist on a pedestal, so of course, I'm thinking that Kati Morton is "Practically perfect in every way!"* *Sorry, Julie Andrews! I know YOU as Mary Poppins really were perfect! So, Kati, please do a video about what it's like for your friends…do you ever "therapise" them? Probably not. They'd yell at you or feel insulted. LOL.

  50. If you don't love yourself as you did before coming into this relationship, you need to find out why, ask yourself and close friend because it's a sign of it being toxic.

  51. Makes me scared to go to therapy with my partner, because we're at the point where we aren't having sex
    Now I'm terrified to face the music like you said… if you wind up in therapy and ur already at that point, there's no hope.. I feel hopeless

  52. So right about the mellow. My husband and I are very calm with each othet, loving spending time with each othet and no drama

  53. Hello Miss Morton: How many relationships should one be in to test what s good for you? And after how lond should you make one end, to make room for a next one?

  54. My girlfriend constantly questions me all the time, like what have you been up to all day why weren't you online sooner. Some of the things she;s trying to push me for are positive change but she pushes too often and too hard, and also thinks I should stop my meds ( which I'm not ). Also wants me to change my humor. etc, I do still love her and don't want to hurt her, but at the same time i don't know if i can deal with this either? She doesn't respect my time and if I didn't have work or something to do or sometimes my internet goes down, and when she goes to bed between 7 or 8pm my time, Timezone difference she lives in Germany. If i weren't busy doing work or my internet wasn't down she'd be mad at me for not talking with her. I talk with her everyday, but i also don't feel we need to spend the entire day talking to each other.

    She's been down here before, and we had some fights but made up a few hours later, but since she's been back in Germany it seems like we do fight a lot online and i seriously wonder if things will be any different this time when she comes down. I don't know how to deal with her when she gets mad either. She's never been physically abusive but she is controlling and can be really mean with her words. She already bought her flight ticket to here and can't get a refund. She's a very pretty and smart girl, but very controlling and i don't know what to do.

    This is what i thought i always wanted, minus the controlling part,. I am stressed about this. I do still love her and don't want to hurt her. I'm hoping maybe if when she's here i already suggested counseling, because everything feels so one sided right now. We share almost nothing in common, and she doesn't even try to show an interest in anything I'm interested in. It makes me wonder why she's with me when i think of it this way. I'm hoping we go to counseling when she's here, but to be honest i still have doubts even that will work. She keeps saying she'll change certain behaviors and hasn't. I really am stressed and torn about what i should do?

  55. Thank you for this video! The information which I have got is very useful. As I am not a native speaker I think that Cat Valdes was talking too fast so it was difficult for me to understand.

  56. I'm pleased that you posted this topic on happiness on your channel. When you have more happiness in your life than unhappiness. Whenever friends are toxic towards each other more often then it's time to take a break or break it of altogether to remain healthy.

  57. Hello Kati and fellow Kinions. I have a question and I’d appreciate if someone, anyone could answer this question. So, some real quick backstory, I blocked my dad on Facebook and I felt liberated and so full of energy. Then, I friended him and I felt really crappy. I felt the way I did when I first started therapy a little more than a year ago, which, I felt so angry, resentful, and out of control. So, my question is, β€œIs it ok to block my dad on Facebook if being friends with him makes me feel so bad?” I know I’m gonna get backlash from him, but I want to ask because I’m struggling a little bit because I somehow feel guilty. Thank you so much :0)

  58. I hate being married. I wish I never would have gotten married. But we have 5 kids and I'm completely financially dependent on him. I plan on going back to college when our yoUngest is in school but, if all things go as planned, that's 6 years until I graduate. So, I'm in this for the long haul. I've been struggling with BED and I know it has a lot to do with the stress of marriage.

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