The Guilty Party | Understanding Co-Dependency And Family Roles In Addiction

The Guilty Party | Understanding Co-Dependency And Family Roles In Addiction


(dramatic piano music) – When you look at family roles, there’s certainly clinical definitions for em and textbook definitions, which I’ve studied and I’ve read about, in our addiction manual, I put em into pretty much layman’s terms, starting with the guilty party, and the guilty party is just simply put the person who feels guilty for
where the person is in life, somehow feels it’s their fault
that the addiction started, is guilted of course by the
addict and the alcoholic into being the reason why they
are the way that they are, and the of course the
guilty party believes it, paralyzed by fear, they
do nothing about it. One of the things that I
do try to change though is our whole lives we’re told
it’s not the family’s fault, and I’m here to tell you
that I don’t agree with that, and that’s not true. It is a lot of times the family’s fault, maybe not for the addiction starting, but absolutely for
allowing it to continue. Because the addict is the addict for whatever reasons they are, whether it’s childhood trauma, whether it’s a disease, whatever the beliefs are
the causes are they are, it’s like cancer, right? I’m not gonna spend a
lot of time figuring out how I got the cancer, I’m gonna spend all my time figuring out how to get rid of it. So there’s a lot variables as
to how they got the addiction, but with the guilty party,
they feel guilty and shamed into thinking that they caused it. And what ends up happening, is with the addict and
the alcoholic are doing is they’re just acting out the family’s untreated guilt and shame. And they’re punishing the guilty party, as to make them believe
that it’s their fault, and it’s a great, the guilty party’s an easy target, because the addict and the alcoholic can make them feel so bad, that if they were to do
anything about the addiction, they’d hate em, they’d
never talk to em again, they’d run away, they’ll go die, they’ll go live somewhere else, they’ll move away, and they guilty party, “Oh my God! I can’t have that!” When in fact, you’re just living in fear, you’re living in guilt, you’re living, you’re living dog-meat, you’re living as the result
of other people’s thinking.

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