The Hero | Understanding Co-Dependency And Family Roles In Addiction


– The hero role in the family, clearly there’s its textbook,
clinical definition. My observation of the hero role of course, is the overachiever, the
person going out of the way to always be right, always be perfect. But the problem with the hero role in regards to intervention is
the hero wants to be the hero. They want to be the one who fixes it. They’re the one that
doesn’t want us coming, they’re the ones that calls us salesmen, they’re almost like inside men, they’re the ones trying to
sabotage the intervention because they need to
be the ones who fix it. The hero person always gets resentful. I should say almost always gets resentful, ’cause what ends up
happening with the hero is, here they are, the super overachiever, doing everything right, trying
to get in the spotlight, trying to get everybody’s attention, trying to do everything in
their power to be the best, and then here’s the
addict or the alcoholic, destroying everything,
failing, causing drama, chaos. By the way, the hero, they get comfortable
in drama and chaos too, they almost become immune to it. So then, there’s the
addict and the alcoholic, so the hero goes to Harvard or Yale, gets a 4.0, graduates, they get a hug, the addict, the alcoholic
doesn’t use one day, and there’s a block party. They get resentful,
the hero gets left out, and their role is crushed
by the underachievings of the addict and the alcoholic. So what do they do? They sabotage efforts to
get that person better. And, they continue to try to fight for that role of being the hero. I’m gonna be the one that fixes this. And although I don’t think
the sex of a person matters, in regards to intervention,
it’s almost always the men. The hero and the ego go hand in hand. And again, people can read this and look at the textbook and be like, that’s not what this guy said. I’m tellin’ you from
experience in layman’s term the hero is always the one who wants to come in and fix it. It’s the dad who hangs up
from the conference call saying we don’t need
those people, we got this. Or, I’m gonna do it this way. They all almost tie
together in a certain way, ’cause the hero’s doing it
out of guilt, and shame, and fear, and a bunch of different things. The point is, is that
whatever your role is in the relationship, it isn’t working. You gotta have somebody come in, and help you guys regroup. (epic music fading)

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