I guess I really don’t know what
Christmas is all about what’s up guys T’ Renee here and welcome back to my
channel if you’re new to this channel make sure you hit the red subscribe
button and the build notification so that you can be notified every time I
post a new video to my day 1 subscribers welcome back and of course to my new
subscribers welcome to the family so today you guys as usual I am going to
post what I consume today a couple of things because this is a different type
of blog today we are actually on vlogmas I believe 14 so that is a stretch we are
like halfway through more than halfway through I guess vlogmas and that’s
amazing that I’ve been blogging consistently every day thus far so I
really wasn’t expecting that all so thank you guys so very much I cannot
thank you enough for being so kind all my subscribers who have given me all of
these awesome weight loss tips eating tips you know how to cut fat how to
decrease the urge to eat and all of those types of things I’m very thankful
for your help and just everything that you’ve been pouring into me I really do
appreciate it that that doesn’t go unnoticed because obviously you guys
don’t know me I mean you see me here on camera but for you to pour into me the
knowledge that you have and everything that you have done yourselves to keep
weight off and you’re sharing it with me I just really appreciate it and I’m just
incorporating every little thing that I’m learning from you guys thanks to
every subscriber that commented about the different things that I could eat on
my trip while I’m in Hawaii for a week and
just appreciate you guys so very much more than you know so today was I mean
just in true fashion was an overall good day so it was an overall good day of
course the day is winding down and I am actually tired today I’ve done a lot of
grading a lot of readings so my eyes have really been on the screen today and
so I am a little bit I won’t say exhausted I would more so say sleepy but
what I wanted to do was talk about some things just some things that one have
been on my mind to just in the grand scheme of you know providing commentary
most days just some things that I have really just observed so overall you guys
know that or you may not know some of you are fairly new subscribers and I
really appreciate you for subscribing but ultimately my channel doesn’t have
like these dedicated this one dedicated thing that I do I’m just kind of really
all across the board so I try to do a little bit of a lot of things and it was
always originally meant to be that way from the start and so it was never like
oh I’m you know a hair channel or I’m a beauty channel it was never one of those
types of things so trust me when I say me sharing
something as big as a weight loss journey with you guys is not something
that I take very lightly if I haven’t shared this before I want to share it
now like literally I am doing this and it’s keeping me accountable for every
move that I make everything that I do everything that I eat
and so because it’s keeping me accountable of course I’m going to
continue to do it and I know that after vlogmas obviously you know I won’t be
vlogging every single day but I’m going to try to do you know more uploads every
week the reason I’m saying this is because even in the midst of my
commentary my channel was never meant to be a commentary type of deal right
that’s just something that happened because as I explained I was very
triggered initially with going back into this cycle of you know getting this
weight off finally for the very last time that I literally you know provided
commentary because it was something that just continued to bother me continue to
trigger me but one thing I want you as my subscribers to know is that I need
you to be okay if it’s a blog where I don’t provide commentary on someone
else’s pitfalls because while I am bothered by what other people like
literally come on this platform and do sometimes with the way that they depict
themselves the way that they make other individuals look and how they represent
other individuals it can’t be solely you know what my
channel is centered around and when I say commentary meaning my entire video
is about commentary that’s what I mean I don’t mean that I’m not gonna ever
provide commentary anymore it’s just I want to incorporate other things and go
back to what the gist of the channel was to be about to begin with so just that’s
one little you know announcement to make also I do believe that if you follow me
you’re a true subscriber that would be perfectly fine with you and you will
continue to support what I really want to
start sharing with you guys is as I said before my meal prepping exercise my
stats in terms of my weigh-ins you know and those types of things because I
believe that because you all have invested in me enough to share what you
know and you’re continuing to root for me and support me in this journey that
no matter what it is that I vlog about you’re gonna continue to be supportive I
I have to trust that right so moving on something that I really touched me today
and watching so many other reactions not necessarily the videos themselves but
other reactions to the videos was the difference between addiction and a habit
and the reason I want to talk about it is because I want to be able to look
back through my own timeline and really be truthful about where I knew this was
clear addiction versus a happy because I think when you say the word addiction is
such a powerful word to use and especially when we’re talking about
being addicted to food it’s a very powerful word and I when you’re using
that generalization for what you do you know you got to be really sure that
that’s what it is it’s an addiction versus just simply out of habit because
we do a lot of things per day that are simply out of habit so in watching
commentary and reactions from other channels about foodie beauty and she
uploaded you know a video in reference to you know it was just our normal story
time and she was doing a mug bang and it was McDonald’s breakfast and it was
indeed a lot of food at some point in the video she triggered
me and not necessarily in a bad way but more so of a matter-of-factly type of
way it triggered me because at some point she started talking about how
she’s you know seeking therapy for her addiction and it got me to thinking
about well is it really an addiction or is it an a habit and I had to reflect on
myself because that’s really the most genuine story I know obviously because
I’ve had to live through it but um I think there are some grave differences
between addiction and a habit so is it that you have an addiction and when we
think about addiction I mean let’s just use for example drug addiction right
under drug addiction some of the common things you hear is that you know it’s
very hard to just stop cold turkey is very hard to just walk away from the
drug of use you know right away and it takes time this is why you have to go to
rehab there are several steps that you need to go through and so forth and I
totally understand that and I think what leads up to those addictions are the
habits this is why I think it’s such a difference between a habit and an
addiction I think habits lead to terrible addictions I feel like if you
do something habitually so many times eventually it becomes an addiction and
no longer is it just something out of your regular routine but you have made
it a part of you and now it’s attached to you right so when I think about my
habits in the past with food I think about it being a 20 plus year
habit and I say 20 plus years I mean I’m 35 but I can remember from childhood
being allowed to eat a certain way being encouraged to eat because you know
that’s what my mother did that’s what my grandparents did you know that’s just it
was something in my family like oh if you’re hungry eat and it would always be
this abundance of food right for every occasion I don’t care filled with Sunday
dinner or if it was a holiday dinner holidays were probably the worst times
because that’s when it would be like double the amount of terrible food
spread across the table into a young child anyone who has kids I don’t have
kids but I have God children I have a lot of smaller cousins and I have
observed that with children typically when you spread out a lot of things in
front of them then they’re not decisive and saying you know in terms of picking
one thing that they want they want a little bit of everything so that’s how I
generalized growing up what was basically placed before me is when you
put a child in front of a table that has all types of sweets cakes cookies candy
whatever it’s like oh go for what you know because if you’re hungry you need
to eat if you have a bunch of food there I’ll go for what you know because you
need to eat and so I don’t think and I don’t think back in those times I think
it’s probably more prevalent now but back then I do not feel that it was
really promoted in terms of healthy eating for children because I have heard
so many people say all their kids they’ll they’ll just grow out of it you
know they’ll become active and they’ll they’ll shed the way and that’s like not
a matter of faculty type of situation because it could happen in
Kabir will not happen even as a child I could remember having a very sedentary
lifestyle believe it or not as a child this is why even in my adult life it’s
so easy for me to be more introverted and be a homebody mainly because I grew
up with those types of habits and behaviors so I was the only child for
eight long years and during many of those eight long years I had
grandparents that would keep me during the day they would do nothing but feed
me all day long and let me take naps and play with toys very sedentary rarely did
I ever go outside ride a bike walk run play those types of things very rarely
the only time I will really get playtime in is that when I would visit you know a
family members house who had kids that were maybe a little bit older than me my
cousins and they were very active and so they would be outside and so therefore I
would get some physical activity then but that was very few far in between I
do not think at that moment my mother conceptualized that this is a problem I
don’t even think she conceptualized that she had a child who was technically very
sedentary it’s rare that you will find a seven or eight year old who really wants
to sit still at home and do nothing like the chances of that is very slim but for
me that was my life and as I got older it just became more normal I can
remember many times visiting cousins and they were all very active would be
outside all day long from sunup to literally sundown I would hate to come
over because I know if they were outside I would have to be outside because if
you’re a child you have to be wherever the children are but I would hate
visiting because of that very reason that’s how I know I had accepted that
sedentary lifestyle going into adulthood well teenage years born into adulthood
it was never ever made very clear to me until I started doing
things like health class and that type of stuff like hey you need to get some
physical activity in this is important for you every single day 30 to 45
minutes a day never really took it serious and still did not you know
change those habits and all a while still eating habitually all the wrong
things all in the wrong you know sizes in terms of serving sizes and so you’re
just progressively getting bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and you
know in your family that’s the stigma as well because they’ll see you and you
probably have maybe one family member out of the entire family that may say oh
you’re getting too big but everybody else is just like oh you’re just so
pretty you know I would get that at my whole oh you’re just so pretty it’s just
so cute you know that kind of stuff okay so moving forward I feel like that
sedentary lifestyle was something like a habit that basically followed me into my
adult years and so I felt like because it did follow me into those adult years
it at that point became sure enough and addiction and I’ll tell you the exact
times that I would eat any time I was really really happy buddy that’s how I
knew it was an addiction anytime I was really really sad or stressed
I would eat any time it was just something to do I would eat it became
this spectator sport if you will and I think a lot of times at that point we
don’t want to admit that it is an addiction but that’s really what it was
now that I look back on it that’s at that point in time what it was I had a
lot of things going on I had to grow up very fast and like take on some adult things very
early on in my life so therefore eating was a coping
mechanism eating was like a go to and I don’t care how many best friends I had I
don’t care if I had the best boyfriend in the world I don’t care if I had the
most supportive family in the world eating was my go-to it was my coping
mechanism so I never went to seek help for this addiction is that right to do
well it depends on how strong your addiction is because I think honestly
one day you wake up and you realize that you have to do something and this is
where my commentary comes in in terms of people like foodie beauty and amber
Landry because I understand the habits turning into the addiction portion I
understand that like regardless of what I’ve said what I said I definitely meant
in past videos but it doesn’t mean that I don’t understand the level of
addiction that you’re in because I’ve been there and one too many times not
just one time and then it was over I mean like I have continuously made
this mistake continuously gone through this cycle and I would never have that’s
the one thing that I will say I did not have one person that was in my life that
ever tapped me on the shoulder and said I’m concerned about you
and your weight not one person and I don’t know if it I can’t say it was
because they didn’t care enough I think a lot of times people put a screeching
halt to how far they can go and they stick with their boundaries and I
respect it but it’s like I’ve always said it’s so important to have someone
is willing to support you now I’ll tell you what was one
wake-up call for me one wake-up call was in 2018 when I
first moved to Detroit I remember over a course of a week I was
waiting for my brother and his wife to visit me and throughout that week I had
you know it was stress like any other week but I remember returning home from
an appointment that I had and while I’m driving with my glasses on I could see
these blurry spots right some thinking either I’m really tired or I’m stressed
because that’s kind of odd I continued to drive and I get home and everything’s
fine and I lay down and go to sleep and okay everything’s okay
the next day my brother and his wife arrived for a visit and everything was
okay but I still see these blurry spots I was suffering every single day for two
weeks prior to that with a migraine and I never got migraines before that like I
was not even a headache person like that just goes to show you like it was very
weird I would get migraines every day I remember going to the doctor the doctor
saying it may just be stress one doctor said it seems like you might have strep
which I ended up I did have strep throat and sometimes that causes neck pain so
they felt like it was the neck pain but even after that had cleared up I was
still like you know having these migraines every day and it would last
all day long they were debilitating it wasn’t until the day after my my brother
and his wife arrived the next day that we woke up everything was pitch black
literally I woke up and I know that I opened my eyes
and I was blind literally I could not see anything anything and I freaked out
so much and I was so grateful that my sister-in-law was here because she
helped me like walk she took me to the emergency room everything we went to the
I had to get an emergency appointment with the ophthalmologist because I could
not see I get to the ophthalmologist and they do all of these scans and I mean
they have dilated me so many times they’ve done all this stuff to only find
out that like hey this is not just a because he was just afraid that maybe it
was just stress and there was some hemorrhaging going on but then he says I
have to send you across the street to the hospital because you have a lot of
scarring and you’re what do they call it your optic nerve is unbelievably swollen
and I need you to get MRIs and Maur B’s literally everything I think they put me
through so many scans that day I did a CT I did everything that day and had to
come back the following day and do more when it was all said and done it went
from the ophthalmologist to now I’m going to see a neuro-ophthalmologist and
now I’m really worried I went from the neuro-ophthalmologist to the neurologist
so now I’m even more worried because all these scans that they did he wanted to
make sure I didn’t have aneurysms over the last two weeks any brain
hemorrhaging and they were looking at these scans and they’re like all this is
just it’s not good it’s a lot of fluid you know surrounding the front part of
your brain blah blah blah I think that this is a tumor
I remember immediately freaking out and my sister-in-law as sweet as she is she
was just trying her best to calm me down and get me to a point where you know
it’s like it’s okay it’s gonna be okay so when it was said and done I was
finally diagnosed and I will share in the description box the link to it to
explain what it is and everything but ultimately I went blind could not see
therefore I wouldn’t have been able to drive or walk or anything if I didn’t
have anyone here with me and so that was like the number one wake-up call because
when I was finally able to sit down with the neurologist the neurologist said not
only can medication certain medications do this to you but a lot of times we
just see this in individuals who are obese and that is when it clicked like
you mean to tell me I don’t have any other health issues no diabetes no blood
pressure no cholesterol I mean nothing and that’s the one thing that tries to
take me out of here is because of my weight now I got a tumor are you kidding
me so I asked what were my options options were to have surgery of course
where they cut all your hair off they go in they insert a shunt which is
basically a tube coming from your brain all the way down to your abdomen and it
drains fluid absolutely not how can I start the healing process of this
without the surgery so he gives me you know medication and tells me you know
you’re gonna come back every single month we’re gonna check this we’re gonna
keep doing MRIs until we can make sure that this I mean I remember even having
to have a spinal tap because they went in that way and pulled fluid as well
okay which was like a two day event but eventually I remember leaving that
office and I said to my sister-in-law’s like I’ve got to figure out how to do
this the holistic way because it’s not that I don’t trust medical practices I
do I totally respect everything that they do but I have got to make a change
for me because this is something that clearly I have allowed myself to get
wrapped up into I don’t want to do that I don’t want to do that so ultimately
the reason why sometimes I truly do connect with the plight of people like
foodie beauty and amberlynn is because I’ve been there and I’m I’m really
trying to still find my way but I’m willing to do whatever it is that I have
to do to get rid of this because this is not a way to live if you’re telling
someone that they have to wake up every single day with a migraine some days
they may not be able to walk some days will be so debilitating that all they
can do is sit in one spot and sleep like when you get to that point and these are
things that I deal with from week to week people don’t know it because I get
on camera and I smile but every day is the uphill battle imagine someone laying
ten bricks on top of your head every day that’s what I go through and so this is
why this is so important to me because you get tired you get exhausted and yes
I know that it is hard I do it can be hard but what is more important something that
you have to give up today you know for a while till you get yourself in order or
your health and your not being here for the people that you love and for
yourself and that’s really the point that I reached so it’s like with food
beauty and amberlynn like I know they probably won’t see this and they won’t
listen but trust me take time to be truthful with you and do what is going
to make sense in terms of facing what is your addiction and facing what habits
got you to that addiction and trying to figure out a way to fix it because
that’s where it starts if you can’t fix that everything else you do after that
just is literally wasted it’s for nothing this is why that constant cycle
is just gonna keep going and keep going and keep going where you start something
mean you never finish it because honestly mentally you were never
prepared mentally you had already told yourself that you may not make it
through mentally you didn’t grasp the concept of why you got to the point that
you’re at and I really feel more so torn for amberlynn because I guess YouTube
has basically watched you progressively put on this way you know in a short
amount of time going from three something to where you are now and it’s
just it’s that’s debilitating is the point is
disappointing is its unfathomable actually I just hope that you seek help
to not just address the mood issues but I mean your true
issue with which is the addiction to food because if you think that you can
make it through this on your own you are wrong if you go and you just research
all these people who have been successful in losing weight I guarantee
you they will let you know that it started here first because this is
probably the strongest area on your body it can control you in ways that you
never could have imagined and I’m telling you this from experience you
have all that support rallying around you both of you do you have all the
support rallying around you people who want to help you and instead of you
taking the help you feel criticized I get that too I get that too I understand
that but at the same time the only time people really criticize you and come
hard at you is when they care that’s what I’ve learned so if someone is
taking the time out to really feed you that take what you can get because you
may not ever get it again and use that as the platform and the foundation for
you to improve I think that’s the only advice I have for today
so again if you’re not subscribed to my channel please make sure you hit that
red subscribe button and the notification bill so that you could be
notified every time I post a new video and again welcome to the family I hope
that my current subscribers will continue to be my subscribers even after
this rant today I just think that is something that has really bothered me
today and I needed to get it off my chest and I respect each and every one
of you and I thank each and every one of you and as usual
tea squad out I guess I really don’t know what
Christmas is all about


  1. I was doing so good today with my protein smoothie and quinoa with spinach. Then after the gym I caved and went to Starbucks and got a brownie 😫 Its a struggle out here people. We can do this though! Never give up and never hate yourself for falling off ❤️❤️❤️❤️

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