WHAT’S YOUR ADDICTION? | Ironmind – Episode #8 – London Real

WHAT’S YOUR ADDICTION? | Ironmind – Episode #8 – London Real

– [Narrator] This week on Ironmind. (metal music) – What are you still carrying inside that’s making you behave that way? – You don’t feel fulfilled
so you’re always like where am I going to get happiness? – We offer opportunities around finding a way to get
meaning back into your life. – I’m gonna be watching you. I’m in your head, man. (soft rock music) – My name is Brian Rose and I host a show called London Real. A few months ago John Joseph, the front man of the hardcore
punk rock band the Cro-Mags, walked into my studio. He’s the complete opposite of me. But something happened. He challenged me to race
the Ironman triathlon in Chattanooga Tennessee on May 20th on 100% plant based diet. Previously, Ironman
Trainer Samantha Murphy pushed me to the limit. And I got to see some old demons. John Joseph showed me the spirit world and I spoke openly about
my heroin addiction for the first time. I returned to London and was told by Charlies Poliquin that competing on my plant
based diet was impossible. We learned about John Joseph’s dark past. And I pushed my body
to the breaking point. I’m 47 years old and have never run an endurance race in my life. But they say what doesn’t
kill you, makes you stronger. This is my journey to the Ironman. (metal clanking) (electronic music) My guest today is Dr. Gabor Mate who specialises in neurology,
psychology, and psychiatry as well as the study and
treatment of addiction. He spent 12 years in
downtown Vancouver in clinics treating patients challenged
by hardcore drug use and you’ve used the
plant medicine ayahuasca for addiction treatment. Dr. Mate, welcome to London Real. – Pleasure to be here. – You were really in the
trenches in downtown Vancouver and you saw what I think
most people don’t see. I think we see the Hollywood version of what addiction looks like or we see what we’d like to think it is but you saw what it really is. – I’ll define addiction for you, okay? So addiction is manifested
in any behaviour that a person craves, finds temporarily pleasure or relief in but then experiences negative
consequences in the long term and doesn’t give up. I said any behaviour, I didn’t say drugs. Could be drugs. So I’m gonna ask you now,
by that definition Brian, have you ever had an addictive
behaviour in your life? – Yes, many. – What did you like about
it, what did it do for you? – It gave me temporarily relief. – [Gabor] From? – From… The pain I was feeling usually related to interacting with my fellow humans or how I felt doing that. – Okay, so you had the emotional
pain that was triggered for you by interaction with people. – Maybe even with being myself as well. – You weren’t comfortable
in your own skin. – I think so, yeah. – Okay, fair enough. In other words, the addiction provided pain relief for you temporarily. – Yes. – Keith Richards, who as you know had a ferocious heroin habit for awhile, he says, “The contortions we go through “just not to be ourselves
for a few hours.” In other words, the addiction
wasn’t your problem. Your problem is that you
had a lot of emotional pain, you didn’t know what to do with. So really what it was is
that the addiction came along to help you solve a problem you had no other
solutions for at the time. And that’s the case for all addictions. So why do people use, why do
people engage in addictions? Because they have deep emotional problems they don’t have the means
to resolve on their own. That’s why they use. (metal clanking) (upbeat music) – [Brian] Hi Karen, how are you? – Hi, I’m good thank you. – Tell us more about Addaction and what you do here in London. – The reality is nobody
wakes up one morning and goes I know, I’m gonna
become a heroin addict. What happens is a series of
things happen in people’s lives that lead them down a road that they then can’t get out of on their own. Because people have lost their family, they’ve lost their money. By the time people got to that place, there’s an awful lot of work and unpacking that needs to happen. What we would like to
see happen is for people feel able to talk about
things at earlier juncture so that it never gets
that far down that road and that’s the problem with stigma because people don’t feel
like they can ask for help. – You know, I was a banker back then and I thought I wasn’t
the typical heroin addict. You know, because the movies show me that these people are on the
streets in sleeping bags and honestly, I didn’t know where to go. – Services like ours are
deliberately designed to cater for basically the
whole population of people. Everybody can find that
they have something that they thought was just a habit or something they were
doing on the weekend, which can slowly spiral
outside of their control. It’s often related to
stuff that’s happened maybe when they were younger or some traumatic things
have happened to them. Our job is to try and
make sure that people are aware of what to look out for, are aware of how to start a
conversation with somebody if you are worried and if you are worried to know when to go to get help, which is what you didn’t know. – What would you do with someone like me if I came to you back in the day? – So the first thing that we do is we get people in to
sit down and chat to us and we basically have a cup of tea. And from that we then
come with a plan together that involves a mix of
therapeutic interventions. so we might offer pharmacological support, so prescribing support to help you get to a place where you’re stable enough to start doing the psychological stuff, which is where actually
all the work happens as I’m sure you know from
your own experiences. And then along side all of that, we offer opportunities around finding a way to get meaning back into your life. – I wish I had you guys
around 16 years, I didn’t, I was searching for meaning
and I didn’t have it. – Yeah. – I’m running this Ironman in a few weeks and I have a funny feeling I’m gonna be surrounded by a lot of
addictive personalities. – You might well be. – I’m wondering if you
see that in your work. That people come in with
a substance addiction and they move on away from that but to other strangely
addictive behaviours and is that still a better result? – So sometimes people stop
one compulsive behaviour and start up another compulsive behaviour. The overarching aim for
us is to help people get to a place where they
recognise that in themselves. – Karen, you’re doing
some amazing work here. I wanted to raise money for charity and it was so obvious to choose Addaction because you know, you’re probably helping the
Brian Rose now that I was and so that guy was really
messed up so thank you. – That’s right, thank you very much. (slow piano music) – Where does behaviour come from and what are you still carrying inside that’s making you behave that way? – So let me go a little deeper on what I was thinking about
when it came to my addictions. I think I was getting away from me, who I think was driving me
to be the ultimate best. I know that this was a stupid behaviour. It was a temporary fix that I usually paid for dearly the next day and repeatedly paid for. And the more I did it, the more I think my self-esteem
dropped a little bit because I couldn’t
control this about myself. And so it wasn’t until I
started doing this show and I had a first ayahuasca ceremony and I was crying so much, then the tears were going down my eyes and dripping down off my ears and I still remember the
tears dripping off my ears and I was going back. I was visualising the seven year old boy and this was me when my parents divorced and this was this little boy that was building up all
these walls around him because he had been hurt so much. And so for me it was
like no one’s getting in the rest of my life and maybe was it my… attempting to excel in the world was to show the world that they needed me. So maybe that’s why I went to MIT and got the job in banking,
these kinds of things. – Well it’s an archetypical story. So first of all, your hurt as a child and then you have to compensate for it. Because children interpret toward the world in those narcissistic ways, that whatever happens is because of me. So you failed to make your parents happy. And of course you are
uncomfortable with yourself. That’s a lot to deal with. Then you just develop this idea that I gotta do it all
myself, I’m on my own. And this drives a lot of people, a lot of successful people in our society. That’s what they’re driven by. (spiritual music) – But the very kind of nadir
of my drinking and using, it was incredibly isolating
and I was tremendously ashamed. My journey through recovery has been about owning that past and growing enough so that I can share it
from a place of gratitude. – Do you think there’s a
little bit of a kinship between us ex-addicts? – I think you know
Ironman endurance sports have their pull for us
ex-addicts, you know? It’s this incredible template
for self exploration. There’s sort of spiritual
journeys I think in many ways. And sort of trying to
attempt to do something outside of your comfort zone I think triggers something in
our reptilian addict brains that we find very attractive. – Do you think I’m crazy for doing this like with the plant-based diet and the kind of the three months to go? – I thought it was awesome. I think for you to just
jump with both feet all-in. You know, this complete unknown. I think it’s super cool. It’s like you learn in in sobriety, it’s like there’s a surrender to it. Like you’re surrendering to the elements, you’re surrendering to
what comes your way, you have to be in acceptance of that. There’s only so many
things you can control. – How do you maintain
balance in your life? – I hate that word balance
because pack into that is this idea that we should feel guilty if everything in our life isn’t like adequately apportioned every single day. I would say that I don’t
live a very balanced life on a day to day basis. Like I’m somebody who likes
to go all-in on something. That’s when I do my best work. That’s when I feel truly alive and I refuse to feel guilty about that. But the important thing is that pendulum has to always swing back to centre. So my focus is always on making sure that the most important things in my life are taken care of,
which is my relationship with my wife and my kids,
that comes first and foremost. My sobriety actually comes before that. – You know, you mentioned sobriety there as being something it’s really important and I was really ashamed
of the heroin days. I literally hadn’t told
anyone, even my wife. – I always say like shame
can’t survive the light. When you expose these things to the light and you’re on the other side of them, they don’t own you and
they don’t control you. For you to own it publicly as you have I think is very powerful
and I would imagine that that’s done a lot of good in terms of reshaping your relationship
with your past. – Thank you man. It’s literally made me a better person. This is what happens when
you meet John Joseph. Crazy things happen to you. Now, I’m doing this thing and so what advice do you
have for me on the day? This is very much a mental
game as much as it is physical. You put in the training, now your performance is gonna be dictated on how you kind of manage your mental well-being
throughout the course of the day. – Yeah, my trainer Samantha, I asked her what time
should I be going for and she said no, we’re
not gonna talk about that. – Don’t worry about that, who cares! It doesn’t matter what your time is. Be gentle on yourself, you don’t have to be perfect and that’s why I think
it’s important for you at this race there really
just stay within your limits and have the bigger goal
in mind the whole time, which is just crossing the finish line with a smile on your face. I just want you to keep
doing what you’re doing man. It’s an amazing service to
humanity and super cool. – Thanks Rich, really
appreciate, lots of love. – I’m gonna be watching you. I’m in your head man. – By the standards of
a materialistic world, success looks a certain way. The more positive feedback you get, the more you get sucked into it. But… as for your success quote unquote and my success quote unquote, there’s a subtext. Do they really want me or is it what I’m doing
for them that they want? So this is where the hunger comes from. You can never get enough. Because by doing, you’re never satisfied when
your hunger is about being and not having been
accepted just for being. (inspirational music) – Accepted for just being. I’d never thought of that before. I’ve spent all of my
life doing the opposite. Chasing success. And look at me now. Competing in one of the
toughest endurance races in the world. Is this part of my healing or will it make things worse? – It’s not even about finishing. It’s about giving your all
at every moment, right? Like the race actually
doesn’t really truly matter. It’s getting up every day and doing it whether you want to or not. The race is the fun part. The race is the part where
everyone is watching. Doesn’t matter when everyone is watching. It’s what you do when no one is watching. – [Brain] I’m stuck in
this never-ending cycle of proving I am the best. – All of our athletes have mantras like you need to train with that mantra. Start to think about some words that are really, really
meaningful for you. – [Brian] Now, things are
starting to make sense. Happiness is not a destination. – You don’t feel fulfilled
so you’re always like where am I gonna get happiness? And that’s what everybody’s chasing, it’s like a mirage that
we’re running in the desert and we think we see water. There’s water, there’s happiness, and we get there and poof. – Do I think about finishing the swim or do I just think about– – Swimming. – Think about swimming. – Yeah. – Just think about swimming correctly– – Maybe not even
correctly, just how about, you can swim. The beauty that you have a body and a life that allows you to do this. There’s lots of people that
don’t get that opportunity. So the focus shouldn’t be on the finish. The focus should be on the
present and the process. You focus on the finish,
you lose the entire journey. – [Brian] It’s about gratitude. It’s about acceptance. My mantra was in front
of me the whole time but I just couldn’t see it. It’s ironic that I needed
to challenge myself to finish a race in order to realise that it’s about the journey. So easy to say, so difficult to apply. – The way the world is
and even the way you are, it’s not your fault. It’s not a fault. Just accept yourself. And you don’t have to work so
hard to be liked and loved, you’re okay. Just relax kid, you know? And allow life to come to you. You don’t have to force it. (metal music) – [Narrator] Next week on Ironmind. – Don’t quit. People always ask me what
should I concentrate on, what’s your advice for me going to Buds? Don’t quit. (electronic music) (thud) – [Brian] In 2001, I nearly
died from a heroin overdose that’s why I’m dedicating
my very first Ironman race to help those similarly addicted by raising money for Addaction. One of the UK’s leading
mental health, drug, and alcohol charities. Thank you.


  1. Have you ever been addicted to alcohol or drugs or watched a family member or friend go down that dark hole?

    Well I have. In 2001 I nearly died from a heroin overdose. Yes it's true (watch Episode #3 and #5).

    That's why I'm dedicating my very first Ironman Race to help those similarly addicted by raising money for Addaction, one of the UK's leading mental health, drug and alcohol charities.

    They work with adults and young people, in community settings, in prisons, in residential rehab and through outreach. In 2017 they supported over 140,000 people.

    Click here to donate anything you can. Whether it's 10, 20, 50 or even a 100 or 1000: https://londonreal.tv/give

    It ALL will help someone in need and we only have 29 days left!

    I will be inviting the TOP 3 DONORS to come to London Real Headquarters for a very special tour and vegan lunch with me!

    So let's go big and help people overcome this dangerous and very real threat to our lives and communities.

    Much love!


  2. Poignant and encouraging. It is refreshing to see a person in your position focusing on this subject. The excellent work you put into educating people is important and highly appreciated! By illuminating this perniciously stigmatized topic you will certainly help to bring about a fundamental shift in our outdated views, hopefully removing this stigma from its niche in the collective consciousness that is reserved for denials. Seeing the state of things today, it’s obvious that ‘Just Say No’ did not work considering the latest measure of human life expectancy in the US, maybe for the 1st time ever, is now lower than it use to be due to the significant rise in people Overdosing and dying on heroin. It is utterly mind-blowing to me that in 2017, despite how far we believe our society has progressed, anyone can legally be prescribed and take opioids and amphetamines, yet cannabis is still widely illegal world wide. A plant substance that is literally non-toxic and impossible to OD when used, thus the # of deaths attributed to marijuana in the history of record keeping is 0. Not to mention hat this gift from god ( one of, if not the only mind altering substance w/ little to no inherent negative side affects as well as no chemical dependency with withdrawal symptoms. If that wasn’t enough, It can also be applied medically to treat a wide variety of physical and mental ailments) can also provide numerous resources:
    Less deforestation. Happy people, happy planet.

  3. You have helped me to grow more as a human being with the incredible work that you have been doing, especially with this chapter. Thanks for opening up to the world! Like everyone here, I am very excited for the race! Feel my best energy so that you enjoy every stroke, every pedal stroke and every step! Greetings from Mexico Brian!

  4. Brian rose is such an inspiration! Plant based is the easy part. The 70.3 is the hard part! I love that he’s doing it. Evolving into a Kro-Magnon. Just try to tell people you’re doing the HALF-Ironman lol that’s a big piece of info

  5. OMG that is a wonderful episode. including many important people in including the Rich Roll and the Dr. Great stuff and very moving.

  6. I have my first ironman 70.3 in a couple of weeks too and your videos have been so inspiring. I often run around the heath so hopefully I bump into you and can thank you in person! Keep up the amazing work Brian, your journey is becoming a beautiful thing.

  7. My 2 favourite series are ''Game of Thrones'' and ''Ironmind''.
    Brian, I would say this channel is one of the best on YouTube.
    There are no words to explain how happy and grateful I am for your life and work!
    Thanks for sharing and inspiring humanity. This will mean so much for future generations.

  8. A very usefull and helpful conversation, thank you. But what was on min 10:10 Our reptilian addict brain ?! Sounds like he knows that about himself !
    God Bless you all and victorious in your life journeys …….

  9. I wish you good luck ..
    I pray that you are blessed with endurance and persistence.
    And don't worry about the people watching you GOD is watching you and according to HINDU philosophy a part of Lord is in you itself. It's all about self actualisation and you are on that part. Following you so will be I.
    OM NAMAH SHIVAYE this is a very powerful matra you can have this as your another manta when ever the road to transformation gets harder it will surely bless you with endurance.

  10. inspiring episode, best so far in my opinion…and very important questions someone with an addictive personality has to ask himself. I know what i´m talking about. I´ve been there and still are in a way.
    Great work, Brian…I´m rootin´for you

  11. "It's what you do when no one is watching!"
    Keep that in mind for the rest of your life!Total fan of the series!Good luck at Chattanooga,Brian and Jon!

  12. Brian, thank you so much for sharing your experiences, on this hard way of learning "who you are" – it means the world to me, see someone who struggles with an addictive past and so much soul pain . . . as I do as well . . . in front of so many people !!!!
    YOU ARE BOMB'!!!
    All the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and lots of ❤️

  13. Brian, I'm addicted to Ironman. After I cross the finish line of each one, there is a depression that sets in. You train so hard, and when you love to train, then the finish line of the race is the ultimate culmination of your journey but it's also the finish line ending. What you will find is that one is not enough. You'll have to sign up for your next one after Choo, and you'll have a strong urge to train smarter next time, and longer, and harder because you want to better each time. I've been in this cycle for over 20 years now. Always racing, always striving to better myself, pushing limits, and sometimes falling short and deeply into depression. So don't think Ironman life is going to fulfill you. It won't. Get injured like I am now and you'll go deep into that rabbit hole. I'm supposed to do Ironman 70.3 Gulf Coast next weekend but knee issues are putting that in jeopardy. But let me share the good news that I've discovered. The magic pill. What I've realized is that God created me, knew me before I was born, designed my journey for me. He wants me to succeed, but is there for me when I fail. No matter what, I'm deeply loved. If my eyes are on him, then he guides the journey. I lost a son to suicide, and I can honestly say that God lifted me up, guided me, held me, loved me, and with help from others as well, I'm continuing along the journey. Ironman is just one aspect of my life. Not the most important one. It's ok that I'm injured. There is so much more to life. Yes, Ironman adds to my life experience, it has molded me, it has given me tons of new friends and experiences, but it isn't my purpose in life. My purpose is to serve the King, to take on the shape of Jesus in everything I do, to preach faith, hope and love. I've followed your journey and appreciate your story, and I pray for you and JJ to have a great day at Chattanooga. Peace!

  14. my parents died in a car accident , went through depression , alocohol , drugs , food binge and I dropout from college. Now I'm back , quit drugs and alcohol 8 years ago, back to college and I'm in top 10 overall atm , quit smoking for almost 2 years now. I'm going to the gym for the first time in years. I'm really excited to see you finish this race. cause one day I will do a KONA . I have along way to go but I'm all in.

  15. Loving all the hard work your putting into all this! Has me looking forward to going hard in my workouts everyday knowing your out there killing it! 🙏🏼🔋❤️

  16. so inspiring, at the end when you turned your pen over and said "its about the journey", I literally had chills. awesome stuff!

  17. Man! Love these Ironmind episodes. Rock it Dude! Muy bueno!. Keep it up the amazing work you and your TEAM is doing! …. Peace and Love, Bert Gonzalez

  18. Your doing a great service with this journey your on Brian! Opening up like your are is giving alot of people out there hope & the kick up the arse they need to make some real change in their lives.. hats off to you Dude!

  19. Beautiful Brian…absolutely beautiful! This is a hell of a journey, mentally and physically! Like Rich said…just finish with a smile on your face!

  20. Absolutely the best episode of iron mind so far, just brilliant and profound, everybody is so insightful and just uplifting. Keep em coming 👌

  21. Definitely one of the best shows on youtube, and thats not small potatoes Brian.

  22. Boy. Amazing guys, amazing advice. All the 4 personalities are so so inspiring. Inspired me to go all in for my 2020 70.3

  23. Best Episode of the Series so far Brian – you can see the mental 'lightbulb' in your head has switched. Wishing you nothing but the best for this and beyond my man!

  24. Man, this program are unbelievable really inspirational ! Keep your training and I wish that you do this IronMan easily

  25. Fantastic show and amazing series. Thanks Brian for going through this and helping me put some things into perspective. It's the journey!

  26. I love these videos. They are inspiring to get training! I do want to add, the missing element in people's live is Jesus. It may sound trite, but it is real. He is everything and fills any and all voids. "I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 14:3. Starting reading The Bible, and your life will change. 🙂

  27. Wow. Looking at Dr Gabor Mate speak is like looking into the eyes of a puppy and just getting a warm feeling of content wash over you.

  28. this in an amazing series! thank you for your complete openness you have inspired me. can't wait for the next one

  29. "its about the journey" wow so grateful to have heard the last 5 minutes of this episode, powers !!!!!!!!

  30. Amazing prooduction quality, the music is extraordinary, the script is real, and it is so moving. Beautiful content, you have an extraordinary team. Thank you, thanks Brian.

  31. Authenticity. Gotta love and appreciate it when you see it. Good stuff, Brian. And anything with Gabor Mate is well worth watching. Love that guy. Bri, I'm telling you, bro…get Dr. Robert Morse on your show! You'll be thankful that you did 🙂

  32. I could not believe it when U said u had heroin addiction but it helped me realise it can happen to any one from any walk of life keep up the positive work u do and thanks good luck in race

  33. My friend and brother both work and can run over 12miles straight and are fully began and plant based..from aminos found in fruits a d nuts and seeds with natural supplements like,mucuna,maca,and ashwaganda, chaga,and alternating some other mineral micronutrients and amino rich foods plus organic sulphur and marine magnesium complex to name a few are body build basic energy and these a minor ect into proteins,hormones,neur O chemicals,Neuro-transmitter s ect without waiting energy to break down chemical laiden meats and startchy carbs,and heavy processed crap …definite plant diet look at the shallow monks and taoist masters yogis ect and vegan bodybuilders

  34. Addiction is a rational response to an irrational society.
    Fix society and you will fix the problem.
    Funny how all native peoples become addicted when placed in our insane society, but were normally and fully functioning in their own cultures.

  35. I really like Doctor Gabor Mate, I feel that he has practical experience overcoming past difficulties that makes him more than qualified to help others. I highly suggest watching some of his videos about addiction.
    Unresolved trauma form childhood, that's my experience. Drank like a fish for 18 years and was a miserable shell of a man without direction. After many years of so called sobriety I was miserable and ready to call it quits. I worked through that depression and came out the other side without taking harmful antidepressants that just treat the symptoms not the cause. I guess I'm one of the lucky few to have one of those phenomenal healing experiences of letting go of the pain and being free of it. That was five years ago and life is soooo much better now and no depression. I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't give up on yourself and work through the pain that keeps us trapped in the past, so we can be present to live today.


  36. I'm enjoying the series but including John elbowing a fan on stage in that intro is in poor taste. Like that bit of violence directed at a kid trying to sing along is cool or something.

  37. Had the pleasure of meeting Gabor Mate at a center I worked at…he's the real deal. So is John Joseph, so is Brian!

  38. Dude you’ve covered so many important topics besides just running the iron man. Bravo so beautifully done.

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