When You Unmask a Covert Narcissist, RUN, But Quietly!  Counterfeit Relationship. Narcissism Expert

When You Unmask a Covert Narcissist, RUN, But Quietly! Counterfeit Relationship. Narcissism Expert


[Music] [Applause] [Music] welcome welcome to my latest video blog today I’m going to talk about covert narcissus again there’s no coincidence that that video was one of my most viewed videos there are something about covert narcissism and how upsetting it is for those who learn about it for the first time a more than that is to realize that there has been where there is a covert narcissus in your life they are the worst type of narcissists the absolute worst think about it covert narcissus thrive by pretending to be something they are not altruistic kind and pathetic connective they pretend to be codependence and as I explained in detail in my my youtube video on covert narcissism they get what they need out of life by creating this false self this facade that gets some the money the respect but all at the same time they’re in these relationships where they’re hurting people and behaving pathologically narcissistic behind the scenes but what I want to talk about today is what to do when you find yourself in a relationship with a covert narcissist it is most of all first and foremost disturbing because you have bought into the image the the persona of the kind benevolent giving person and don’t we all want to believe that the person who were in a friendship with the person who is our therapist or rabbi or doctor our husband wife don’t we want to believe that the kindness is true that they really care about us and that the empathy is not be us but when that facade comes crumbling down it leaves us with a gaping hole of wonder what the hell happened to us how could we have been so foolish the first thing I want to say to all of my YouTube viewers if you are a victim of a covert narcissist please don’t be so hard on yourself they thrive on being able to fool they thrive and being able to deceive not because they’re sociopaths or liars but because they can’t get what they want if the world knows who they really are so my advice is don’t beat yourself up what I teach my clients and those who come to my seminars or watch my videos is that in self-love deficit disorder or a new name for codependency is that the narcissus thrive and survive on our bad self-esteem so the worst thing you can do when you uncover a covert narcissist is to beat yourself up and to think that you are stupid and you fell for it and and to just ridicule and drag yourself across the coals you are just one of many many victims of this person the second thing I recommend is to calm down when you uncover the covert narcissus real motives and you finally understand that what you see is not what really is if you uncover it and you bring it to light especially in public they have everything to gain by making you look bad making you look irrational by making you look mentally ill or just to intimidate you and berate you until you actually recoil and admit to them that you were wrong so let me repeat it is to not call them out especially in public because there is too much at stake for them to lose that audience that group of people that job that supply them not only their narcissistic riches or narcissistic rewards but sometimes their job the third piece of advice once you discover that your loved one or someone with whom you are in a relationship that is a covert narcissist you’re not going to call them out you are going to decide on a way to exit the relationship a way to terminate the relationship without an obvious confrontation come up with an exit plan make this exit plan carefully carefully thought through and carefully executed if the covert narcissus discovers your exit plan say it is to terminate the relationship say it is to break up the relationship is to seek your divorce and you decide to call them out to pull the mask off they are smart enough manipulated enough and they have too much to lose not to discredit you and turn it around back to you and remember as most of my viewers know because I my videos resonate for codependent codependent audiences or those who are in recovery remember it’s just not what we do well we are not good at holding our ground and setting boundaries with manipulative with manipulative narcissist so that the next step is to create a boundary of protection around you because just by the mere fact that you have created an exit plan and you have executed the exit plan that in itself will get the covert narcissist nervous they’re smart enough to know that if you are not part of their followers you are not part of the audience that loves them that that that craves what they have to give and you back off get cold I’m even the most minor boundaries they’re going to know something is wrong and again have a lot of reason have a lot at stake to turn the situation around on you to make you look bad to restore them to their covert narcissist facade the next step is to understand how passive-aggressive covert narcissists are and I cannot say this more I cannot emphasize this enough when you find out that someone is a covert narcissist you uncover them they’re probably going to find out because you know we’re human as I say you’re probably not going to win if you drop if you take them on directly because they’re smart enough manipulation of and they have legions of followers who believe in this image of perfection and kindness and love it and love their passive-aggressive ways we’ll be able to take all of their followers and all the people that drink their covert narcissist kool-aid and they will be able to get them to understand what is wrong with you in a way we call this projection you the threat who knows who exactly who they really are who can expose them who calls them out they have everything to gain by making you look bad and because their covert narcissists they don’t do anything direct there’s no direct aggression there’s no direct confrontation it’s passive aggressive reactions the retaliation is manipulative sometimes I’m hidden in hidden in what seems obviously kind benevolent and even appreciative actions and then but when the when the passive-aggressive covert narcissist is going to fight you back and they’re doing it as I said behind the scenes they have to do it in a way that protects their image in their facade so their don’t the way that they do that is they set you up to look bad they antagonize you in a wet and they antagonize you in a way that gets you to defend yourself to attack them this is that this is the technique that you hear not-so-healthy psychotherapists use where they use their psychotherapy superiority to defend themselves and to turn you against yourself and and to through through a fancy use of words and dysfunctional analysis is to protect themselves by being the person that suggests you really are the problem and not them there’s many even words for this but it’s certain system mind manipulation the last thing I want to say about how to deal with covert narcissist is to understand the degree of danger involved I know personally that every time I’ve called out a covert narcissist and I and I think of famous YouTube person I think of a psychologist a therapist I think a boss I think of a friend and it has always been a difficult up hill battle to to not only survive but to get out of it unscathed I have to admit that I made a lot of mistakes trying to do it the right way which is why I’m doing this video the wrong way was to to assume that my intellect or my ability to argue a point could be as good as theirs and take them on directly in almost every case it it resulted in this long extended argument whether it was through email or face-to-face but ultimately in almost every one of the cases I would find out behind the scenes how much time energy and even money the covert narcissus expended resources that they expended to not only dismiss my claims but to make me look like the bad person ultimately resurrecting their image and their reputation so to all my YouTube viewers do not take on a covert narcissist directly they have everything to gain by making you look bad and their whole life story is about the manipulation of others their perceptions or feelings their expectations and to manipulate them to believe there’s something they’re not so if you no matter how right you are and how righteous you feel want to take them on there’s a good probability you’re going to lose so cut your losses ident identify their covert narcissism come up with an exit plan initiate it or execute it quietly without a lot of confrontation be prepared for the battle which is for them too passive aggression passive aggressively manipulates you and put you in the bad light to make them look like the victim and you the perpetrator and get the hell out of the relationship don’t argue with them don’t go on a public forum don’t try to prove your point because that’s that’s it’s like wrestling with a pig and hoping you won’t get dirty and by the way pigs as George Bernard Shaw said and to say saying pigs love to wrestle in the mud ultimately to achieve self-love which really is the goal of every codependent or a person with self-love deficit disorder wants is to disconnect from those pigs who love to wrestle of the mud they suggest get out of the relationship and find either a space where you can find yourself and nurture yourself and love yourself and then reconnect with others you’ll find those are the ones who are really themselves what you see is what you get and I’ll tell you after being in a relationship with a covert narcissist you will really appreciate it so find a way to heal the wounds to love yourself to reconnect yourself to what’s important to you and what you deserve and then those relationships will happen and you’ll never again be subjected to a covert narcissist and God forbid if one should come your way you’ll see it you’ll see that mask before they uh they say bad or night so thank you thank you for listening to me I hope my video has been helpful I’m consider going to advance clinical trainers comm where you will see all of my seminars for professional and general audience and my book the human magnet Center take care and be well [Music] [Applause] you

95 comments

  1. You can’t sit down and have an Adult Conversation with these disordered people. Work your exit plan and bounce! ✌🏽✌🏽

  2. Everything you have said here is true of my daughter in law! She lived with us until one month ago. We only discovered she was using a credit card without authorization and asked to speak to her about it. Before she got home from work my husband and myself had become the bad guys!
    I still have not told my son who is in prison what happened, refuse to interfere in their relationship. However, she has told other people that I kicked her out and even before this incident I have discovered now that she has been telling others all kinds of lies about us!
    I’m just sick about this! My son has not answered nor written me. I received a very disturbing text, well many from her sister, stating that I didn’t let my daughter in explain about the credit card, that she had had already ready “put the money back into our account” and how dare I throw her out like that!
    She even went on further to say that “I” was “scared that SHE was going to tell my son her husband that she would tell him how mean I was to her”!!!!
    I feel like I am going crazy!
    My son knew her for six months before they married/they next month he began his sentence and she moved in with us.
    I to feel in love with her too! Her story and her spirit! The story’ of her past foster family then adopted family are a repeat of what happened to us. Her story of biological mother and the social history of her sister are not true either.
    I trusted her with everything! I am in fear for my sons mental state now and when he is released. I know I can NOT say anything about what has happened “the truth”.
    The last contact I made with her was a list of charges and the amount in total to repay. Just matter of fact through text.
    Simple and to the point.
    This is just a mess that goes even beyond this financial situation! She had his 83 and 90 year old grandparents co-sign a loan for her to have some dental work done. She got $600 dollars behind!
    Three years and I almost lost my marriage because I couldn’t see what was going on in front of my own eyes!

  3. This is the bible it says to watch out for immoral people do not be friends with an immoral person or it will cost you your life and reduce you to nothing. Nothing done in the dark stays in the dark it will always come to light. No one will get away with anything and we all reap what we sow. People are crooked and will be friendly in your face while plotting dirt and deception behind your back rather it be a family member or friend it is hard to know who you can trust but you bet you will soon find out because nothing is ever hidden forever.

    Galatians 6

    7 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.

    Proverbs 26
    24 He who hates, disguises it with his lips,

    And lays up deceit within himself;

    25 When he speaks kindly, do not believe him,

    For there are seven abominations in his heart;

    26 Though his hatred is covered by deceit,

    His wickedness will be revealed before the assembly.

    27 Whoever digs a pit will fall into it,

    And he who rolls a stone will have it roll back on him.

    Luke 8

    17 For nothing is secret that will not be revealed, nor anything hidden that will not be known and come to light.

  4. George Bernard Shaw also said, that the world would be a better place, if we'd establish lethal chambers to get rid of "unworthy" people. You cannot quote a Narcissist in an Anti-Narcissist video to prove your point. That's why you lose every debate with Narcissists.

  5. Fortunately for me, I had really listened to Ross and others teach how important it is to leave without unmasking the narc. The temptation to let him know that I knew what he was was overwhelming at times. It took all I had not to have the last word. I had recognized him as a narcissist but because the relationship was only for situational friendship, I didn’t think I was in danger. The danger actually began when I recognized that our long running debate over the existence of God wasn’t a genuine exchange but was simply opportunity for supply for him. Because his identity was predicated on his superiority over being an atheist, and because he was getting all the supply he could ever dream of, I believe I triggered his malevolence when I refused to continue in that discussion any further telling him it was futile to discuss this with someone who’s physics didn’t come past Newton’s. (The new physics proves God, IMO) OMG The fury that must have generated, whoa doggies! That’s when my life began taking strange turns for the worst. I was suspecting a former co-worker of sabotaging my employment prospects and I was sharing my suspicions with this “friend”. He convinced me to use him as personal job reference. But then, I’d clearly have landed a job and then it would mysteriously vanish. Finally, the last week of my getting unemployment benefits, he let his mask slip over a jar of soup I was dropping off a day later than I said… he became sickeningly ugly at me and I suddenly “got him” fully in that way an INFJ gets things. I had been really working on my self love and had I not, I would have excused that ugliness to a one off bad day (which is how he tried to spin it later) and I would not have felt my body report the truth of his essence to me. I felt revulsion and simply walked away in the middle of his spewing derision at me. My self love was so strong that I wasn’t tempted to see him when he tried to walk it back. Then, when he began to suspect that I had actually left, he began sending me strange texts that alluded to those jobs that had mysteriously disappeared. Immediately, I knew that it had all been his doing and that he did it to win the debate about the existence of God… I received a complete psychic download that he was about to confront me with his sabotage and to ask me, “If there is a God, then why didn’t he protect you from the evils of me?” It would have been the juiciest of all possible supply. But I WAS under divine protection and I got a job that very week and I got the satisfaction of denying him what he’d been love bombing me like crazy for over 7 months, lending me money to get me by, biding his time waiting to spring his trap. When I shared the cryptic texts he sent with the breadcrumb hints as to who was the saboteur, both my son and my therapist had to agree and apologize for having suggested I was becoming paranoid. As an INFJ, I just KNOW things.

    The last 3 years has been about learning how to stop being “snack food” for narcissists. As an INFJ, i was a narcissist’s wet dream, (sorry for being so crude but there’s no better way to describe it!) I began to learn how I waltzed right out onto their webs where they could slowly begin spinning web around me so they could start sucking supply out of me. I began to build my relationship with myself and was learning what it means to love oneself… and what that really looks like. I can see how I was becoming more and more a grey rock when with him as I identified his true motives around superficial things that didn’t matter to me. I can now clearly see how when I thought we were having a deep conversational exchange, he was actually sitting there with a bucket full of monkey wrenches just watching for some place in the conversation to toss one in to frustrate me. I was projecting ALL the depth and meaningfulness in every aspect of that relationship. And that’s my number one takeaway: I no longer project an assumption onto another of basic goodness. I watch and vet people for trustworthiness. That naive projecting made me prey to them. They are trolling for that exact naive vulnerability. This education of being the target of covert narcissists is priceless to me now. I am now FULLY an adult capable of keeping my inner child safe. I now enjoy an autonomy I never knew even existed. And 3: I now KNOW that I know what I know. I trust my intuition. We must stay in touch with our gut which will let us know if something or someone is hinky. Melanie Miller has a great YouTube about that which is invaluable. Ross, you should also do one on that too, if you haven’t, where that is the sole subject, how to use that inner guidance system our narc parents taught us to ignore.

    I want to close this exhaustive comment by saying this; LISTEN to what Ross says about NOT unmasking them because it makes them extremely dangerous! These people are pure evil. It sounds simplistic. We are so f-ing naive about this level of human evil.
    I would have been ruined were it not for what I learned from these YouTube talks. Now I’m free and whole and taking tender care of my heart.

  6. Oh but they are codependent. They're codependent on your misery to thrive. No covert narcissist is an island.

  7. Pigs do remind me of another verse from bible… try not to advice or wait for a narcissist to change… it's like a gold ring on a pig's nose…. makes no sense to the pig and devalues the gold ring…

  8. I ws married to a covert for 5yrs. He died coz of his chronic smoking wid severe asthma. After 8yrs of his demise, I learned he had all bad addictions: gambling, drinking, sex workers’ company& of course smoking which killed him, acc to postmortem report. I cud not believe whom I thought ws such a good person/ school friend cheated me to this extent. I ws emotional manipulated to d core n I tried suicide while I ws married. But I thought I’m a mess n he is gud.

  9. Is it in anyway posible for a narc to not know that they are narcotic or know that the things they are doing or have done are harming others????

  10. Their reputation means more than you do, believe me, I know! I tried to take him on. Ended up in court making me look crazy. I’m working on getting out! It’s scary not too! Don’t wrestle in the mud with a pig…!
    Self love is God’s way!

  11. This describes my ex to a tee. Now he’s manipulated my son not to talk to me anymore. Vindictive, manipulative, passive aggressive, fake friend, now he’s convinced his entire family to hate on me. It’s horrible….the abuse is REAL.

  12. My mother. Tried to confront her once…that was a nightmare. Paid for it dearly- for years. Was the Scapegoat of my family. She was the gatekeeper to my familial relationships- hard to disconnect completely because I still wanted relationships with my father and brothers . I'm done playing the game…cut and run because she's crazy making and I'm getting too old for this!

  13. This is the most straightforward description of a covert narcissist I've encountered so far and describes exactly my experience with such a person. And yes, do not confront a covert narcissist… you're going to lose… Just quietly move on.

  14. If you could only know the kindness and timeliness of this. With the insight you've provided, I have an idea you do. Thank-you.

  15. Thank You? You explained my boss to the T. 3 years I wasted with this company with all the false lies and hopes. I wish I could have seen this video 2 years ago.

  16. This video is interesting but I wish for once people would stop blaming narcissistic targeting on low self-esteem and self-love deficit. That is a misconception that is starting to border on ignorance, lies, and a pathological misunderstanding of the narcissist/psychopathic dynamic in our society. Contrary to the repetitive, regurgitating information between bloggers and youtubers, there is a painful lack of financial investment in this big issue but most of us are becoming more aware of these common facts: Narcs and pscyhos DO NOT want low love, low esteem people… they actually specifically target HIGH empathetic, intelligent, compassionate, self-loving, people loving, highly sensitive people — only from these people can they get what they truly want… to murder, kill, and abolish a full lively spirit before it can spread that love and make good of it. Let's stop making ourselves out to be weak targets. They target us because we have so much to give, not because we have so little. Stop labeling people "co-dependent, and any other negative term made to suggest some people are less than emotionally or spiritually – or like something is wrong with them. it's ridiculous labeling and promotes the wrong idea.

  17. Am I the only one who is not afraid of a covert narc? Admittedly, I used to let them get under my skin, but watching videos like this have empowered me with knowledge so I now know who I’m dealing with, and growing in self-love, self-worth and awareness have caused me to know who I am so that whatever the narc says about me, I realize, is not the truth. This whole ‘be scared and run’ from another human being with a personality disorder sounds self-defeating and weak to me. What if they’re your boss, so you have to run around looking for different jobs? I do agree not to be in a romantic relationship with one, that would be too draining. But dealing with them on a regular basis in different settings I’ve learned to set emotional boundaries, when they call me out I have a conversation with myself internally while smiling inside knowing the truth, and I go about my day still laughing with others and walking in joy like I usually do. In other words, I’m still free to be me. Knowing who they are and their manipulative ways lets me know who I’m dealing with, and I have learned to ignore them emotionally, though they may think they still have control when they really don’t and it feels great 😊 I don’t confront them, I just don’t let their manipulative ways affect me since I now know the truth, and the truth has set me free! 🤗

  18. What if your mother is a narcissistic and your brothers and sister agree with her. Should I just leave?

  19. Im not sure if Im dealing with the same thing but I had an acquaintance whom Id slowly tried to be a friend to.. she began crashing my boundaries and after several times and warnings I decided to put the relationship away.. i simply told her i needed to square some things away in my life and Im taking a leave of absence that I didn't want to discuss it but when I was ready to communicate Id let her know. And as the boundaries became more rigid she pushed harder until finally I had to say it– "The reason I do not want to communicate with you is because you have trampled my boundaries" and I gave examples.. that wasn't enough.. she started calling my friends who were mutual friends and telling outright lies. These were literal fairytales of manipulation and and personal attacks on me and my character. They knew she was lying so that was salvaged. But she doesn't have a fantastic life of money and glitz. She is a broken rube in my opinion. An alcoholic with no self worth.. so is the behavior of someone who refuses to respect even basic boundaries coupled with punishment if you do not bow down to them the sign of a narcissist? I admit, I never saw the drama coming.. never knew she could be so destructive and I do feel like I was sucker punched.. I, OF ALLLLLL PEOPLE, SHOULD KNOW BETTER. PS, I didn't respond to the lies. I have completely blocked her from my life. But each day Im waiting on the shoe to fall.

  20. Was with my covert narc for 20 years. Very good video, Mine died- thank God. They are also quite vulnerable- wait a minute – that was probably created too. A mind fuck…But I've been free for 9 months and getting there. It is possible to recover.

  21. if you look at his eyes you can see the "tell" and the "joy" of misleading you, the lies he peddles as his insights ( actually book learned bullshit) . He is peddling help rather than manipulation, his help IS the manipulation because he is what he describes. He is the narcissist, rabbi, doctor, psychologist , psychoanalyst?
    Believe these people and become a puppet. You are your own captain. Grow some and become great.

  22. I met this Man online & first thing he told me about himself that he came from the narcissist family.What i didnt know that he didn't heal from his childhood experiences & he is still very traumatized. He seemed so kind, generous but all that was just an image to cover himself.These people can only take from you & when they see they took all you could give , they jump into next target! Thanks god, i found out the True just at the right time. The bottom line: you can not pretend who you are not for a long time, sooner or later people find out who you are. I truly hope to never attract narcs into my Life ever again.

  23. After years of trial & error and many tears and lost friends & family, I've found a loop hole. Be the victim & as he said on the video, DO NOT ENGAGE! You can't give them an in. Get out, stay out and ignore ALL attempts at reengaging.

  24. My step son is, i believe, a covert malignant narcissist… I can't leave the home because I'm married to his father and we have bills, a life, and love each other. His son is almost 18 but has been violent with me. Unfortunately when I've called the police, in the last area we lived in, they didn't arrest him because he is 15. What am i to do when I can't go No Contact…

  25. Hi… Pliz tell me the different types of narcissists.. Also, is it possible for a relationship with a narc to work out?? With whc type of narc can u stand a chance for it to work out?? Coz as u know, there are difft degrees to the damage the nac has..

  26. Funny , my previous relationship was with Narc but I did.t know anything about it,It was like talking to the wall, constant lies, thankfully he found better source and moved out of my house, he still stayed 2 years after divorce. When few years latter I met my present Narc it was like a breath of fresh air, he was so interested in anything I said , he processed my every sentence and replayed, sex was amazing, constant attention etc…perfect….. and then the games started. So it is very difficult to spot narc straight away in that love bombing period, you get hooked and it's to late.

  27. Don't explain. Just get the f outta there!!! Narcissist will try to trap you and make you feel guilty. Do not forget that he /she is a monster!!!

  28. What exactly is losing? I have a few narcissists in my life, covert and overt plus a few hanging about in the dark triad too and I call them out and I don't give a shit what kind of smear campaign they launch. Doesn't bother me in the slightest as I don't worry what others think. I know my truth.

  29. You gave me a lot of insights and I am so grateful. It looks like my ex husband of 25 yrs was a covert Narc and my daughter is an overt Narc. It grieved and troubled me to think how I could have created a Narcissistic child, but now the pattern falls into place. How blind we are! We do not see into the heart of things. 25 yrs of deception, manipulation, passive aggression, then during the divorce all hell broke loose. I went to hell and lived there for the duration. There was such joy when he could not harm me any more, I thought. But he started to pit the kids against me, and my aging parents, and made the rounds of MY relatives globally spreading lies like birdseed. The enormity of it hit me years later. My parents died believing ill of me. My kids were estranged and I lost so many years. I have really gone to hell and back.

    But now, I feel so strong. No more victim. My ex is imploding from his own shrinking world, while mine is expanding gloriously. I cut off all ties. My kids are coming around, even the Narc. By letting everything go, I feel such peace. Your video was like pinning the last tail on the donkey – I understood what he was. I knew he was manipulating, and passive aggressive, but could not see the Narc side, but now I do. Wonderful to have these insights. I'm deeply grateful!

  30. In this video, you committed an error that is very important to be aware of. You built up their notoriety. You made them appear almost omnipotent and omniscient. A narcissist listening to this video would feel very satisfied with your description of them and thought devoted to dealing with them. The best way to deal with them is to not care about them. And I don't mean to show them that you don't care about them – that's a reaction they can work with. I mean truly and deeply not care about them and their pathetic bullshit.

  31. "they set you up to look bad, they antagonize you, they antagonize you, in a way to get you to attack them (extremely manipulative) they set you up to defend yourself" to cover their false fake masquerading delusional facade to cover up the loser that they are = the convert narcissist

  32. Start with agreeing but prepare to have a sweet mouth full of he isa dumbass and humiliated failer, I work with one and have new it for a while but I Always prepare to softly poor a truck load of forced feed humiliated he is a dumb ass in front of all the guys he makes fill belittled , he will not speak a word when I inter the room , I have shit ziped this obnoxious assholes mouth to head drop

  33. Thank you soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!!!!!
    It is so wonderful to hear someone say:" don´t argue with them. Just get the hell out of this realtionship!". It touches me. I feel understood and helped (and believed, finally!) and this touches me so deeply, that I will do exactly that. I will make a plan without big haste and leave quietly.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you!! My father was hell on earth to me!

  34. Thank you, it was very useful, I uncover a narcissist woman, she was projecting her minorities on me, after I show her that I realized what she is, she blocked me on Facebook

  35. Lol a boss I knew tried to discredit me and it did not go well for them. I kept emails, meeting minutes EVERYTHING. So when the day came Everyone saw through their bullshit because they knew my character even their spouse the VP said nothing in their defense when I finally called them out. They never admitted wrong and the elephant still sits on their face ‘til this day. Their shit of coarse still smells like roses to the public but those who worked for them still know better. So I’m ok and survived. You always stay fresh smelling when your wielding COLD HARD FACTS. I’m not stupid but have worked for morally empty individuals who end up looking stupid.

  36. Ok so I recently discovered I been dealing with a narcissist for 10 months now. I fell hard for her I have been and emotional reck. My friends warn me but her hold was just to strong. Her lies Mass in head. Cousin committed suicide.Rape twice at 3 and as a teenager. Husband beat her and cheated on her and made her watch. And the one that destroyed me but at the same time woke me up was car accident. I started to realize to many things was happening to her at a rapid pace. Secondly it was a long distance relationship. So I couldn't actually check up on things to see. But when she supposedly was in the car accident. Her cousin was using her phone keeping me up to date. But when I called she wouldn't answer. Would only text me info. Wouldn't tell me the hospital. Even though the woman I was dealing with was in a coma. Said she had broken bones internal bleeding. But couldn't give me info outside of that. Cousin knew so much about me but I knew nothing about her. That's what made questions things. Her cousin would text just like the girl I was dealing with. Know conversations from 2 months ago. Her cousin said I think she is in love with you and is scared to tell you. That triggered my reality instantly because all I did was tell her my feeling of love and how much she meant to me. So how in the blue would she not tell me she love me🤔I started to question the cousin and accuse her of being the girl I was talking to. She lost it text me for 30 mins disrespecting me calling me names. Putting me down. Called me crazy etc I kept calling her a liar. Next day I crumbled and apologize. She hits me with I am crazy and I hurt her so much. And did I think of the pain I cause the family. Then she said her husband don't want me to talk to her no more. And I won't get any info telling how the girl I was talking to was doing. Next thing I know she comes out the coma and don't remember me. SMH but now she trying to get my attention hoping would go through all the work of getting her again..smh

  37. My boyfriend’s uncle in-law is an obvious narcissist. We have a child together and so we spend our holidays together. We called him out on some of the extremely inappropriate remarks he made towards me and it did not go well. He even went so far as to carve “I hate you” into his own porch to make it look like we did it. Very scary stuff

  38. The worst thing is that the covert narc is a student who studies psychology😱, the more she learns about people the easier for her to manipulate them..went through hell being her roommate for a year, finally moving out and having no contact from that monster..lost a few friends from her smear campaign but better than losing myself😢

  39. There is no easy quiet way when we are in a choir and church functions. I have stayed quiet but gone to our excellent Pastors with his covert behaviors with factual stalking actions, public intimidation and obscene public gestures. The church has now given him a 50 foot no contact except in our choir or choir functions with still no contact. I gave the engagement ring back through the counselor Pastor. Now, I go to all my normal functions and ignore him. He took things (jewelry and other personal items) that I just let go. I kept the gifts he gave me and these remind me of how thankful I am to say no thank you to his intentional actions. Thank you so very much for being one of many to help me stand strong against the flying monkeys, his direct malicious and set up verbal assaults. Our church has come through and still prays for both of our healing. This quiet is a grace time for Christ’s work. His lies and threats to me and my family will not be there any longer, as he will be exposed for his multiple wrong actions as well as a contributing negative factor to his deceased wife. You, Sir, are a gift to us all.

  40. Excelent video!!! It is sooo accurate that it gave me goosebumps. I have a question for you though. My stepmom is exactly as you described, but do you think it is possible that a covert narcissist does not know what she is? That she actually believes she is this selfless caregiver? Because I think she does :S …

  41. Mine is like thise Covet Narsasist playing like he cares. He drove me twice in the hospital and steal say he loves me to cover his lies

  42. Sounds like the scene in mutiny on the bounty where captain bligh makes mr christine strike him .then wipe his mouth and smiles mow iv'e got you ! The marlon brando one with trevor howard such a grest scene

  43. What if the passive aggressive covert narcissists is your now elderly mother and you are not really able to "exit" this relationship?

  44. I have been battling this problem with my husband for years. The longer were married and the older he gets ,he gets worse. The rage towards me usually comes in the middle of the night,for hours. He is a Covert Narcissist to the tee. He has Temporal Lobe Epilepsy and justifies his Narssisist behavior on his Epilepsy. He tells me the seizures have made him this way. If that's the way then why doesn't he treat anyone else this way. I've lived in terror with him. I have no hope in him anymore. I asked him one time ,why me,why just me? His answer was because your here. I've read and educated myself on TLE ,anger and depression can certainly occur but this far extends that. I want someone to tell me if Narsitism and Epilepsy go hand in hand. I've learned a lot about Narrsissim and my husband fits 100 percent, it's very scary.

  45. No such thing as a narcissist, they are just Demon oppressed people , read the Bible . These demons can be cast out in the name of Jesus Christ and the person will return to there normal personality . Certain people that have sold her soul to the devil are much harder to cast the demons out .pray and fasting works

  46. My partner is martyr about taking care of our family. These type of videos resonate deeply, sadly both my mother and my partner fit this description. I’ve cut my mom out completely. She tried to convince my entire family behind my back that I’m crazy and not fit to be a mom. Their goal is just to hurt you. There is no being right – there is no logic- there is no love.

  47. Great video
    The motto I work by is keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer. (Use the subterfuge that they use in you, in order that they don't detect your disapproval)
    And fade away from them so that you are no longer the focus of their attention.

  48. BEST ADVICE EVER. I watched this when I was trying to get out of a relationship with a covert narcissist and now I'm watching it again. I believe you helped save my life. Thank you so much!

  49. Run fast and hard! When you unmask them! Not because of fear, but their exhausting… They draw you into their kill zone.

  50. My mother used to set up situations, bad life destroying situations, for me to get stuck in and to sink into where I would desperately need her (or her enablers') help to rescue me from. Her methods were so subtle that it appeared as though she had absolutely nothing to do with the situations, only to be sorted through much later after I was fully ensconced within her thrall. Mother owned me completely.

    …….I've never really escaped her. The woman has been dead for fourteen years, and I am still fighting her in my head. But she is not in my heart, for I love her not. That is where the knife goes in, piercing her soul for eternity. I do not love Mother, and there is nothing she can do about it now.

  51. Honey, do it quietly or loudly, it doesn't matter. .. a narcissistic parent will never ever ever let you go. They don't respect 'no contact' or boundaries. Never have, never will.

  52. If you call 'lose' the fact that they try to tell friends and relatives that they are the victim, then those people never respected you in the first place, as family members have come to me, as have friends, complaining about the narcissist's behavior and admitting that the narcissists abused me. They admitted it.

  53. Sadly, my mom😞 no confrontation, no wanting to justify or be right, just walked away and grieved over the relationship I could have, would have and should have had! The healing is real the relationship was not! 😢

  54. Thankyou so much I never had the words and when I tried I was told to just ignor my father. My mother I loved but she enabled him by saying that, BUT I was sexually abused by my covert narc older sister who was a golden child who wanted to inherit and is, and my other siblings are just happy to be away in their own lives, but I was the scapegoat who was tag teamed from the age of 8 until I left home and then on and off until at 46 I decided to fight the anxiety and depression to break a cycle that I didn’t understand and didn’t want to pass on, understandably there was some permanent scars but the therapy helped me to be aware of triggers, not cured but greatful for forward movement and some self value, but I have never had it so accurately explained especially the character association that always left me feeling like it must be me because they were so respected in the community

  55. I'm quite sure my girlfriend mite be a narcissist I'm slowly see treats that point to this but we have to wonder full kids I'm the at home dad she work what advice could you give me to help me in this situation leaving is not an opinion she give me her bank card is that common for a narcissist may advice would be nice

  56. Very empathic video. Thank you. You can't leave the relationship when the narcissist is your parent, but you can set boundaries, which is very hard, or move to another continent, like I did.
    Below is the title of your video in Portuguese, in case you'd like to add it to your description box. The auto-translation of your video to Portuguese is good enough for people to follow.

    Quando você desmascara um narcisista encoberto, CORRA, mas silenciosamente! Relacionamento falsificado. Expert em narcisismo.

  57. My roomate is one to late . i already riped the mask i wish i knew this a week ago . the covert narcissist has assulted me before . so im afraid he will physically attack me agian i bought mace abd a knife .

  58. They are liars, deceivers, manipulators wolves in sheep's clothing, and appear like Angels but are really the devil. This is the M.O. or behavior of the devil in the Bible. God says that their conscience is seared, they are given over to a reprobate mind. They're incapable of real love, they just use people. So in order to get your head around this, they're just like criminals who really have no compassion for their victims. Criminals do not think like regular people. And so every time we try to get them to listen or change their mind or tell them how we feel, they're just using the information to manipulate us even more and bring us down. The quiet exit plan is the safest. At the women's center when women are getting beaten and are going to leave they recommend that you get your stuff together and leave quietly and disappear. They are that dangerous

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