Your Healthy Friend Who Still Does Drugs


(bright music) – Yeah, it’s all American. – I’m glad that we all went
to three different places. – Hey, guys. – Hey, wow, that looks healthy. – Yeah, it’s kale,
quinoa, and black beans. It’s full of calcium, protein, and fiber for bone tissue and digestive health. – That sounds great, but you should have some of these for dessert. – Ew, honestly I wouldn’t put anything that you guys are eating into my body. I like to make my lunches include only plant based foods that
are rich in amino acids that boost my immune system. – Well, your immune system
is sort of a comp… Are you making a cocktail right now? – Yeah, if I crave something that tastes sweet, I have fruit. – Hold on, you’re bragging
about being healthy while you’re making two alcoholic drinks? – Yeah, it has blueberries in it that I handpicked at my
local community garden that I volunteer at on
the weekends. (slurps) – Vodka is bad for your liver and has a lot of calories in it. – Blueberries are a super food. They’re full of antioxidants
that keep my bones healthy and they protect me from free radicals. I drink a ton of water, it is so essential for skin and kidney health. – Water is healthy, not water
with fifteen Xanaxes in it. (foreboding music)
– Yum. (spraying) – Here, I wanna see that.
– (sighs) – Yep, just processed sugar. If you wanna do something healthy, come to the yoga class I’m teaching
at 6 AM tomorrow, okay? (spraying) – This is ridiculous, you
can’t be so self righteous about food when you’re
sucking fucking nitrous out of a god damn whipped cream tank. (uneasy music)
– Sorry I’m not a square like you guys. There is nothing better
than treating your mind, body, and soul to some physical
exercise and meditation. (inhales deeply) – Well I think all the drugs you’re taking outweigh all of that. – Zack, these are just fun
and they expand my mind which is so important for mental health. By the way, Zack, that
burger you’re eating can lead to colon cancer. – No, you’re judging what we eat while you’re about to do a
huge mountain of cocaine. I mean, it’s so hypocritical. Is that my credit card? – Ugh, here.
(clatters) – Ugh. (inhales deeply, sighs) – Trust me, I’m a total health junkie. – Ugh! How can you preach about health when you’re about to load
your veins with heroin? – It’s not a big deal, Zack.
(flicking) (snapping)
(tapping) – Oh, that is good tar. This is why obesity is such a problem. People just don’t care
enough about their bodies. (inhales deeply, sighs) – I’m gonna go for a jog. (slams) – I can’t with her anymore. It is too much preaching. – So high and mighty. (dramatic music) – Katie, Katie. – Welcome to the writer meeting. Let’s hear some sketch pitches. (slams)
– I think she’s dead! (screams)
– Ugh, what a hypocrite. (playful music) – Hi, it’s Katie Marovitch
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